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Kohn’s seminal book stands as the definitive critique of competition. Contrary to accepted wisdom, he explains, competition is not basic to human nature. When life become an endless succession of contests, when our work is structured upon the need to be better than, and when our time is spent busy struggling to outdo others, we are actually poisoning our relationships and holding ourselves back from doing our best. And…

Graves, a pioneer in human consciousness theory, explained that we are always engaged in the process of becoming something more than we were, and not yet what we will be. When challenges come up that we can’t solve at our present level of being, he says, we make a leap to a newer, higher order system biologically, psychologically, socially and spiritually. He dubbed this theory spiral dynamics, since the psychology of…

Institutions, organizations and bureaucracies of any kind seek the same thing. People who comply, not grow. Which makes sense from an operational perspective. Compliance is extremely easy to measure, test, teach and scale. That’s what any of us would be doing if we ran a multimillion or billion dollar organization. Buckminster, the legendary innovator and visionary, once observed that governments, religions and businesses would find it devastating to their…

There was a time when the young, naïve and paranoid version of you wondered to yourself: How did you get here? What are you even doing here? Can you believe you got away with this? Is this a coup or what? Resulting in the final pressure cooker thought of, you better fucking be good. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Happened to me well into my thirties. But there…

Years ago, a producer from the biggest morning show in the country sent me an email. She was shooting a segment about wearing nametags, and seeking an expert to offer commentary on the topic. Initially, nobody came to mind. And since she was on deadline, they almost abandoned the piece. But then the producer did some quick googling on the phrase nametag expert, and only one person came up. Yours…

Trauma isn’t exclusive to military combat, sexual harassment or catastrophic events. Trauma, by definition, can simply be something out of the ordinary for you. A therapist once gave me a definition of trauma in six words. Too much, too soon, too fast. Meaning, most of us have been probably been traumatized in one way or another. Because we all have found ourselves overwhelmed in some out of control and…

In those moments when we bring the hammer down the hardest on ourselves, is precisely when we should be the most compassionate. Bringing love and acceptance into our lives where they are typically painfully absent, this is a gift we give ourselves. But it’s hard work. Forgiveness is not something we do naturally. In fact, we are genetically predispositioned against it. Debotton, my favorite modern philosopher, explains how humans…

What does it take for friends to stay close for the long haul? How do we develop strong, significant bonds that transcend the inevitable life phases and geographical shifts and emotional changes that we all undergo? Well, like anything else that matters in life, it’s a process. One that requires commitment and patience and real work. Because friendship as an institution that is as important as any other. I…

Ellis once wrote that perhaps the only sensible way of making a global rating of an individual is on the basis of their aliveness. James similarly asked the question, what is this mysterious force that jolts a human being into such wakeful aliveness from which greatness blossoms? Both of these insights center around the fundamental element of the human condition, the experience of joy. The one thing that is…

Startup culture is, for better and for worse, human. Which means we have an opportunity to do things, with and for each other, that serve our senses. Things that actually create moments that invoke powerful and lasting memories. Otherwise, the activity we’re partaking in is just another professional obligation. A tortuous and awkward event we have to wrangle our way through. Let’s be real. How many forced lunches and…