Ellis writes in his book on anger that our irrational beliefs are what upsets us most.
Especially in our relationships. If we have convinced ourselves that we must have sincere love and approval almost all the time from virtually all the people who we find significant in our lives, then we are in for a rude awakening.
Because apparently, that is not the way life works. Having raged for those who did not love us is exhausting, worst and most of all, stressful.
In fact, some people spend their whole lives doing this, paralyzed, worrying about what people will think about their heart. Just talking to them makes you want to take a nap.
On the other hand, some people spend their whole lives blissfully oblivious with the love that they own, the love that is theirs, the love that belongs to them, the love that nobody has the right to take away.
Kauffman writes about this in his inspiring film about adaptation:
You can love whoever you want, and if people think you’re pathetic, then that’s their business, not yours. You are what you love, not what loves you.
What a gorgeous and difficult practice.
Have you ever tried letting go of the number of people who don’t love you? Have you ever treated the act of loving as its own reward? Have you ever loved people without caring if they love you in return?
Good luck. The ego howls in protest. Because its job is to hide all vulnerability.
What do you mean people don’t even have to want your love back? Are you crazy?
Maybe. But although the thing we’re all looking for in this brief life can be described by the word love, it’s amazing how little we have to travel to find it.
LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What if your love was your worst kept secret?