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Neurosis is the blocking of forward momentum. It’s the anxious attempt to prevent life from happening. But what it points to, other than somebody’s need for a few antacid tablets, is a lack of authority over one’s life. Neurotic people need to recapture control of their own attention. Otherwise the paralysis of fear will ensue. Here are six words that perfectly depict this experience. “Oh my god, I can’t…

Consider what you are carrying that does not belong. Could you lighten your burden by tearing up the imaginary unpaid debt you think you owe people? Remember, carrying the world around on your back is profoundly heavy stuff. And having overdeveloped sense of responsibility is helping nobody. Your sanity and health are more important than pleasing whoever you think can’t survive without you. They will be fine. Let others…

In a world of increasing complexity, checklists are profoundly useful. They can be used for greater efficiency, consistency and safety. But more so in the micro than in the macro. Because when it comes to our hopes and dreams, checklists stop giving us motivation and start keeping us lonely. It becomes a conspiracy against our own growth. Like when we get obsessed about finding the perfect job or the…

When someone complains that all men are sociopathic skin hungry gorillas, or when someone whines that all women are irrational unpredictable nut jobs, two emotions run through my body. The first is frustration. Thinking to myself, wow, extremes in anything accomplish nothing. Rarely do we find the truth by saying that everybody is something. Besides, what does that thought get us? Sympathy from coworkers? Justification of our anger? Fact…

Loneliness isn’t cured by merely hearing others, but by feeling heard by others. Experiencing a real connection to people, but also believing that people feel connected to us too. Without that exchange, it’s more of a performance than a relationship. Vanderkolk writes that social support is not the same as merely being in the presence of others. We can still feel lonely in a room full of people. We can even…

Macho, obstinate workaholics who sacrifice their health, relationships and sanity so they can find some imaginary pot of gold at the end of the rainbow are not heroes. They should not be praised and exalted as true artists or masters of their craft. Deniro makes this mistake in the best scene of the best heist movie of all time. He says to the very officer trying to arrest him:…

Recently a woman asked me if wearing a nametag was my security blanket. It’s a fascinating question. One that can be answered from both sides. Because on one hand, a security blanket is a comfort object. It provides someone with psychological relief, especially in unusual or unique situations. It’s essential to that person’s mental and emotional wellbeing. Whatever the inanimate object is, irrational as their attachment may be, it…

Japan has historically run the best railway grid in the world. But recently, they began investing in a two year project which will save, get ready for this, exactly one minute on a single train route. Thanks to that few extra kilometers per hour, passengers now have a commute that is a whole sixty seconds shorter than before. The best part about this story is, their transit authority has been…

Hostage negotiation consultants who run bank robbery prevention trainings have a mantra. Ignore human nature at your own peril. One of the tactics they teach to tellers is to disclose personal information. If your bank is being held up, and the robbers start shoving you across the room, introduce yourself. Repeat your name over and over again. Humanize yourself and condition the robbers to know who you are. It…

One of my core arguments for why everyone should wear nametags is, dishonest and uncivil behavior becomes more difficult to do. With nametags, we give others the gift of security by letting them know who they’re dealing with. There’s nothing to hide behind. Our identity is always verified. There’s a social construct that forces us to sign our work and take a stand for our identity. There is no…