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Palmer, the writer, educator and activist, delivered an inspiring graduation address about the pillars of living with wholeheartedness. His theory was: Violence happens when we don’t know what else to do with our suffering.  It’s a profoundly kind and compassionate way of viewing such a dark issue.  It reminds me of our high school bully. Growing up, he made my life miserable, both physically and emotionally. It took me decades to even begin to…

There’s nothing more embarrassing than the last phase you went through.  Like that two year period in your early twenties when you wore nothing but thrift store tshirts and sandals with socks. But that’s how the human heart works. We love to judge ourselves about our past. There’s that protective part of our personality that thinks: Oh my god, if people only knew who I used to be, they…

Anything that enables blissful sense of expansive oneness with others, ideas and experiences, is a worthwhile use of our time.  Those little everyday moments add up. We build a bank with them. Particularly during times of distress, disappointment and depression, when our ability to make deposits into that emotional account can make all the difference in the world.  Lewis wrote about this phenomenon in his book about the surprise of joy:…

In the recovery movement, addiction counselors use a term called countering. It’s the substitution of healthy activities and responses for problem behaviors. And, it’s also about replacing troubling thoughts with positive ones.  The good news is, we don’t have to battle with addiction to use that tool. Countering is a practical and powerful strategy for finding the next right action in any circumstance.  As long as it helps rewire our…

Just decide.  Before your procrastinatory urges kick in. Before your brain has a chance to protest. And before you decide to delay until you spend a few more hours researching.  Just decide.  As my yoga teacher friend says: The right path is the one you take, the right decision is the one that you make.  Have faith in the process. Do whatever you have to do to break through…

Hollywood romcoms portray the impossibility of perfect relationships.  And our exposure to these movies actually affects how we view romance and behavior in our own relationships.  There’s a fascinating study in a media culture journal that found that frequent exposure to romance and courtship in this idealized form could lead viewers to adopt equally idealized notions about relationships in the real world. This false expectation can create a gap in overall…

When something triggers our anxiety, the instinctive reaction is to freak out and ruminate about the stress and dwell in our existential pain and mope around feeling sorry for ourselves.  But that only make things worse. It compounds the pain with suffering.  Buddha famously called this the second arrow.  In life, we cannot always control the first arrow, he said. However, the second arrow is our reaction to the…

Here’s my favorite horror movie trope.  There are aliens or zombies or killer clowns shambling around town, terrorizing the locals. And there’s that one little kid who seems to be the only person who sees it.  But nobody believes him. He’s obviously crazy. Everything’s fine.  At which point, the monster usually jumps out of nowhere and devours everyone, leaving nothing behind but a pool of blood and that child…

Meditation is more than simply noticing you breathing.  It’s also about interacting with the space between the breaths. When your mind starts to wander, for example, and you suddenly realize that you’re drifting off to fantasyland and making your to do list inside your head, that’s the moment of truth: The opportunity to return to the breath without judgment.  If you can accomplish that, you’re growing. Every meditative effort…

Where did you find this guy?  This question should be music to your ears.  Because it’s usually asked by people who have just met you, immediately after you created a holy shit moment.  It’s another way of saying, wow, this person is a good catch. A spectacular find. A golden discovery. Someone rare. Someone worth keeping and building things around. Someone who, in their fundamental individuality, their personalized essence, has honed…