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What was necessary for us yesterday may not be what we need today.  And that’s a good thing.  In the same way that all love is saying yes to something, all change is saying goodbye to something. Letting go of an old belief, fear, story, self, identity, history or whatever else no longer serves us. And finding value in our defects to the extent that we use them as…

Here are a few realizations that feel as soothing as peanut butter covered velvet.  There is no magic day when we will be normal.  There is no distant future when everything will be wonderful.  There is no need to flatten out all of our rough spots and imperfections into a nice smooth surface. There is no point in waiting for a chance event to suddenly make everything better.  And,…

Any time spent growing spiritually is sacred.  Any day we expand our emotional range is a victory.  Any bout of healing leads us closer to the life we really want. Anything that helps us get to know ourselves better is never a waste of time.  We always come out stronger on the other side.  Hancock, the great innovator of modern jazz, recently wrote an open letter to the next generation of…

If you set a boundary with someone and they shame you for it, you need to set an even bigger boundary.  By removing them from your life.  It’s time to give your love to the one who needs it most, you.  Even if you feel the sudden pang of the fear of missing out, stick a stake in the ground anyway. You have an obligation to yourself.  I was…

I once heard a psychotherapist offer a brilliant piece of advice for connecting with people who are suffering from depression, anxiety or any other battle inside the mind.  Instead of hitting people over the head with your brilliant insight, do everything in your power to let them know you’re not afraid of them. That’s fierce intimacy. Letting them know that their suffering is not a contagious disease you’re going…

Each of us must grow more discriminating about what our capacity is.  Without that boundary, we wind up exaggerating our real capabilities to please others.  I’m reminded of something my boss said during a team meeting: “It’s not a weakness to say there’s too much on your plate. You won’t get yelled at or get in trouble for saying, sorry guys, but I just don’t have the bandwidth to…

Even when we do have many powerful reasons for isolating, burrowing under the blanket and hiding from the day rarely brings us the kind of relief we need.  Brooding about our circumstances, stewing with our feelings and sitting alone and isolated, that usually just worsens our situation. It traps us in a sad ruminative loop that pushes away the very type of connections that could actually help alleviate our…

When it comes to addiction, most of us would rather look away than ever face it.  But that’s its greatest strength. The ability to hide in plain sight. Not unlike the schoolyard bully, who is only as powerful as we are afraid of him, our addictions are only as dangerous as our ability to deny their existence.  We’re only as a sick as our secrets, as they say in…

When someone crosses our boundaries, we don’t have to be polite.  We don’t owe them an explanation. It’s not our job to preserve their feelings and manage their emotions. And we’re not responsible for their reactions to the boundary we’re setting.  What we do have to do is stand up, speak out and stop it. Even if it’s as simple as saying something like this.  Whoa, hold on, let’s talk about…

Criticizing is a cozy defense against joy.  It’s a strategy that we use to protect our egos and assert our intelligence and make ourselves feel strong.  When really, we’re just attached to our own cleverness. Hanging onto it like a life preserver, believing that without it we will surely drown.  After all, who are we without all of our brilliant remarks and precious opinions? We simply must be spectacular to be…