Blog

Armed with the desire to be helpful, we immediately try to provide a solution.  But the reality is, if we really want to be providers for the people in our lives, leaping in to solve or save or treat or fix the problem isn’t an effective as just becoming the solution ourselves.  After all, most people most of the time want affirmation, not information.  I once heard a marriage…

Just because we’re not visibly harsh to each other, doesn’t mean we’re not hurting each other.  The cut of subtle unkindness is insidious, and if we’re not careful, each of those tiny little nicks can add up and translate into serious relationship problems.  Every time I walk past a couple hashing it out in public, I always walk away confused. Not about the fact that people have conflict, but…

Because of my codependent, workaholic, love addicted personality, I’ve always had the tendency to do this: Fall in love very easily and too quickly, smother people within an inch of their lives, and then chase after the ones who reject me and try desperately to change their minds.  It’s that earnest but unhealthy and overwhelming form of passion that involves persistence at all costs, where the relationship controls me…

I once read a fascinating sermon about the burning bush.  The pastor proposed that the fire wasn’t the divine suddenly showing up in the middle of the desert. The spirit was there the whole time. Moses simply wasn’t aware of it.  Maybe he assumed that he knew the land like the back of his hand. Or maybe he was in too much of a hurry to notice the flame. Or maybe…

Wherever we go, we take everything we’re made of.  All the things that happened in our life are a part of us, and we carry them with us into the future, whether we want to or not.  Even the bad stuff. Especially the bad stuff.  And in fact, if we’ve convinced ourselves that we’re just average people with typical experiences and the things that happened to us weren’t bad…

Cameron’s uplifting book of prayers to the great creator tells us that all sense of loneliness is a forgetting.  Forgetting that we are part of life. Forgetting that life is a part of us. Forgetting that we’re never alone in this world unless we want to be.  And until we remember that we do belong and we are loved and we have connection and community, loneliness will continue to visit us and try to take up residence…

Aren’t you just a little worn out from believing you have to control everything?  Doesn’t it feel better knowing that you don’t have to save the world?  And don’t you realize that you don’t have to do all that for people to love you?  Our answer was a full body yes. And it was magnificent.  Because once we’re released from the painful chore of being responsible for the world…

Watterson’s final comic strip before he retired as one of the world’s most successful and beloved cartoonists makes me cry every single time.  Calvin says to his trusted feline friend: Wow, it really snowed last night. Isn’t it wonderful? Everything familiar has disappeared. The world looks brand new. It’s a new season with a fresh, clean start. Like having a big white sheet of paper to draw on. A day of…

The greatest motivator for starting new habits is public embarrassment.  The experience creates just enough guilt and fear and humiliation to positively change our behavior for good.  When my boss chewed me out for overlooking a very obvious spelling error on an important client facing document, all of the blood drained from my face and a wave of humiliation flew threw me.  Stupid, stupid, stupid. Excuse me while I go…

Olgivy’s bestselling book on advertising makes an inspiring point about successful client service.  Fight for the kings and queens, but throw away the pawns. The habit of graceful surrender on trivial issues will make you difficult to resist when you stand and fight on a major issue.  It’s also useful advice in any of our relationships. Because while conflict does help define what needs attention in our lives, we can also avoid…