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Shaw famously said that the single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has occurred.  But it’s not the only problem. The other challenge in communication is our interpretation about what actually did occur. Because in many cases, the message sent is not the one received.  Drawing from my own experience as a passive aggressive, conflict avoidant, confrontation averse, codependent people pleaser, here are few examples from…

My favorite definition of celebration is, attention paid to oneself.  It’s a regular practice we must do for ourselves. Not from a place of narcissism, but from our role as our own good friend and advocate. Just as the cobbler’s kid deserves shoes, each of us deserves the same credit we give to others.  And when treat ourselves respectfully and with care, others will be taught by example.  This…

As long as we stay in the game, we are going to be rejected.  It’s as certain as death, taxes and rain at an outdoor wedding.  The strategy, then, is not to avoid rejection entirely, but to process it intelligently. Not to obsess over presenting the right image of ourselves so that people don’t reject us, but to become whole on our own terms, so that when we are…

Goldsmith’s provocative book about behavioral triggers contends us that human being are geniuses at inventing reasons to avoid change. And we often sabotage lasting change by canceling out its possibility.  For example, one of the stories we tell ourselves in this area is that we have all the time in the world. That time is open ended and sufficiently spacious for us to get to all of our goals…

Crossing over from one thing to another tricky proposition.  When you try your hand at a new medium of expression, a new job title, a new career, or a new identity completely, there is always pushback.  This resistance starts internally. Because to operate from a fuller sense of self, you have to let go of how you defined yourself in the past. You have to mourn the death of…

Strong boundaried people take responsibility for their own emotions.  They slough off other people’s projections. And they’re able to discern where they end and others begin, appropriately separating their own thoughts and feelings from those of others.  As a codependent, this is inspiring to me. Because my sensitivity has always made me vulnerable to problems that didn’t necessarily belong to me.  For example, growing up, anytime people would imply…

Each day presents us the chance to overthink things.  To misuse the power of our minds to intellectualize simple matters into a mess. And to exaggerate even the smallest tasks, making our lives far more complicated than necessary.  The only problem is, our ego loves this. Over thinking is like an aphrodisiac for the psyche. And so, it warns us that if something is not complex, it can’t possibly…

Here’s something that took me three decades to learn.  Sadness, anger, jealousy and rage aren’t negative feelings, they’re just feelings.  They’re not the opposite of anything.  Yes, they might be complicated and difficult and raw and messy, but they’re not negative. The world of emotions isn’t good or bad, right or wrong, black or white, practical or irrational, win or lose. It’s much greyer than that.  Masters calls this…

Imagine you’re unsatisfied at work.  The pay is good, the work is okay, but ultimately, it’s not where you belong professionally. The fulfillment factor isn’t there anymore. The job has run its course. Soon enough, the time will come to move on to the next work adventure.  And so, one afternoon, just for shits and giggles, you start running thought experiments. Imagining what life and work might look and feel…

My actress friend tells me that the purpose of most industry parties is to see where you are in the food chain.  Yikes. That sound equally as exhausting as acting itself.  And yet, we all fall prey to this behavior. It’s not a performer thing, it’s a person thing. Playing the comparison game is one of the things human beings do best. We spend a lot of our time…