Blog
The kinds of waves that make ships disappear
Too many of our career aspirations center around size and speed. Consider the language we use in reference to our professional endeavors. Opening big, going viral, taking off, making a splash, hitting the ground running and taking the world by storm, it seems that we all want immediate success with minimal effort. Like that scene in the greatest children’s movie of all time. Veruca, the spoiled brat from across the pond,…
Proud of having our own feelings about the world
As men, we are trained from an early age that silence is manly. That no matter how sad we are or how much pain is coursing through our veins, it’s our job to sit there stoically and bleed all over our clothes. Masters wrote an insightful book on masculine power and fulfillment that summarized this gender trend perfectly. Men overvalue performance and the appearance of having it together. That’s…
The practical is never as heavenly as the ideal
Godin once said that sooner or later, many idealists transform themselves into disheartened realists who mistakenly believe that giving up is the same thing as being realistic. To prevent this from happening, it’s about understanding the balance. Several examples from my experiences as an idealist come to mind. 1. Allowing the little lamp of idealism to still burn, but not letting it enflame and engulf us. 2. Seeing things as…
Put a priority on speaking your microscopic truth
The surprising thing about vulnerability is, people don’t go away when they find out who we are. It’s quite the opposite. Instead of rejecting or abandoning us, they come nearer. Our truth draws them in like a warm fire. And our tender but universal intimacies become a platform for deep connection. Train has a great song about this universal emotional experience. These bruises make for better conversation, loses the…
A way of living that supports and revitalizes us
Debotton’s philosophy research makes the crucial distinction between desire and need. A desire is whatever you feel you want at the moment, but a need is for something that serves your long term wellbeing. For example, our desire might be to consume our entire body weight in buffalo wings, but our need is to feel nourished. Our need is to create a foundation that sustains and supports and strengthens us in…
Gathering evidence of our own inadequacy
Hell isn’t other people, hell is comparing ourselves to them. Any time we assign magical qualities to others, allow ourselves to become over impressed by people’s successes and idealize those who likely share the same mixed bag of strengths and weaknesses that we have, that’s hell. Any time we use other people to gather evidence of our own inadequacy, shame ourselves for failing to meet their values and vandalize…
When we begin to sense what letting go means
Humans love to create emergencies for themselves. It’s what helps make us feel big and important and dramatic. But in a world where most people are trapped in the frantic scramble for position, prestige, profit and power, frankly, there’s nothing more soothing than encountering someone whose inner calm you can literally feel. Everyone has someone like this in their lives. People who have settled down and found a measure…
Swimming upstream against a tide of cynicism
And now for my favorite new joke: How many optimists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Who says it’s dark? If you didn’t laugh at that, then you’re not an optimist. And that’s okay. Because being optimist comes with an inherent blind spot. You’re so optimistic that you believe everyone else is optimistic too. But sadly, not everyone you meet elects and adopts your attitude. Not…
What’s good for the goose may be infuriating for the gander
We can never assume other people are having the same experience that we are. And we can never assume other people operate inside the same value systems as we do. Doing so only leads to disconnection, tension and conflict in our relationships. For example, certain cherished habits that we believe positively represent our character, like discipline, focus and ambition, may be negatively perceived by others as stubborn, obsessive and brown nosing. …
There is an hour to come when all of us shall cast aside our veils
Campbell famously wrote that the more we mythologize and idealize the person we love, the more disillusioned and disheartened we grow as we come to know their imperfect humanity. Interestingly enough, the same principle applies to our work. Careers, not unlike intimate relationships, are this constant battle between romantic fantasy and disenchanting reality. Take the newly hired employee. Once onboarding is finished and she’s settled into her new position…
