How much time do you spend preparing yourself to listen?

Rehearsal.
Meditation.
Visualization.
Deep breathing.
Perusing your notes.
Reading affirmations.
Practicing your Powerpoint slide transitions.
Listening to the Rocky IV soundtrack in the bathroom down the hall.

All of these are examples of how someone might prepare herself to speak.

Which brings up an interesting question:

How much time do you spend preparing yourself to listen?

Odds are, not that much.

And this is dangerous. Because listening requires just as much energy, focus and mindfulness as speaking – if not more!

So, today we’re going to explore four practices for preparing yourself to listen.

1. Consult your materials. Gather all your notes, ideas, reports or any other documents relating to the conversation you’re about to have. Take a few minutes to scan them. Look for patterns. Get to know the person and the situation better. Jot down any specific questions, concerns or issues you’d like to raise during the interaction.

2. Listening reminders. Take a minute to re-read all of your listening reminders. This is a great way to keep your philosophies and practices fresh in your mind. NOTE: if you haven’t already created listening reminders for your office, consider writing a few of the following ideas on sticky notes to keep yourself accountable:

o L-I-S-T-E-N = S-I-L-E-N-T
o 2 ears, 1 mouth
o Attention, acknowledgment, appreciation and affirmation.
o Responses, not answers.
o Listening, not waiting to talk.
o NO Agenda.
o Don’t react; respond.
o Ask; don’t tell.
o Curious, not judgmental. http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif
o You don’t own their problem.
o Listening isn’t a performance.

If you want to see the FULL list of listening reminders, check this out.

3. Breeeeeeathe deep. Taking in fresh oxygen will lower your blood pressure and relax your mind, body and spirit. It will also lay a foundation of mindfulness that will enable you to ask the right questions and tap into your intuition during the listening process.

A few secrets for breathing exercises (that I learned from my buddy Robert Friedman) include:

o In through your nose, out through your mouth.
o Make your exhale twice as long as your inhale.
o Consider reciting silent mantras to focus your attention.
o Close your eyes and visualize yourself Growing Bigger Ears.
o Relax your body, let go of tensions, especially in your shoulders and neck.

4. Affirmations. This last practice might sound kind of silly, but it’s also the most effective. Write out three lists of affirmations, each of which start with “I will, I choose or I am.” Be sure to keep them positive and focused on what you want and not what you DON’T want!

See, by reciting these to yourself before the other person comes into the room, you will lay a positive, forward-thinking foundation of listening effectiveness.

Here’s a quick list of potential affirmations for your list. Consider reading these to yourself before meeting with clients, patients or customers; or if you hold a leadership/management position, before walking into work every morning:

I WILL…
o I will listen today.
o I will say what I see.
o I will ask WHAT or HOW.
o I will take organized notes.
o I will think and pause before responding.
o I will listen at least twice as much as I talk.
o I will listen to myself as well as the other person.
o I will listen to ideas that make me uncomfortable.
o I will lead the other person where they want to go.
o I will listen to the silences between people’s words.
o I will acknowledge, appreciate, affirm and give attention to the speaker.

I CHOOSE…
o I choose to monopolize the listening.
o I choose to remain emotionally objective.
o I choose to use engaging, generative language.
o I choose to give advice ONLY when asked for it.
o I choose to ask and say the things that want to be said next.
o I choose to be conversationally selfless by giving the other person the stage.
o I choose to show the other person that I trust them to develop their own answers.
o I choose to listen with my eyes, arms, hands, fingers, legs, heart, mind and soul.

I AM…
o I am a giant question mark.
o I am curious and fascinated.
o I am now fully prepared to listen.
o I am making it a safe place to open up.
o I am prepared to receive the other person.
o I am making space to accept new ideas and thoughts.
o I am giving myself and the other person permission to open up and feel comfortable.
o I am a Listening Midwife who enables the other person to give birth to their thoughts, feelings and emotions.
o I am a still body of water in which the other person can see their reflection, which will lead to breakthroughs of their own making.

– – –

Admittedly, this is a lot of work. Probably more than most people are willing to put in for a soft, intangible skill like listening.

In fact, even I was hesitant to take on this practice at first.

Until recentlty.

I had two Rent Scott’s Brain consulting sessions this week. Both were great successes, inasmuch as my two clients gained clarity as well as few SOLID strategies for their businesses.

I, of course, didn’t do that much, other than listen.

Because that’s my job. And I now realize that by adopting this practice of listening preparation, I was able to facilitate and to give birth to breakthrough thinking.

It was pretty cool!

So, what about you?

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
How much time do you spend preparing yourself to listen?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Share your best practices for listening preparation here!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
[email protected]

…only 4 more days until NametagTV.com goes ON AIR!

28 Ways to Challenge People’s Assumptions

Some people are full of BS.
Some people make assumptions.
Some people are nothing but talk.
Some people speak without thinking.
Some people use invalidated, vague, baseless arguments to prove their points.

Your job is to challenge them.

To (not) blindly accept everything people say.

To spot hidden assumptions and avoid mindless acceptance.

You do this for two reasons:

1. YOU gain clarity on their motives, intentions and beliefs.
2. THEY gain an opportunity to restate, reform and rethink their ideas.

Your best tool is to use an ICY Question, which stands for, “I Challenge You.”

Here are seven examples of common situations and dialogues where you can use them:

THEM: “I never thought I’d say this, but…”
YOU: “Why did you never think you’d say that?”

THEM: “I can’t do that!”
YOU: “Why not?” or “Says who?”

THEM: “Well, they say that…”
YOU: “Who’s ‘they’?”

THEM: “So, is this your full time job?”
YOU: “Yes. Why do you ask?”

THEM: “I’ve been calling you all week and I’d really like to get together to talk about a business opportunity!”
YOU: “What is your positive motivation for wanting to meet with me?”

THEM: “I heard/read it was terrible…”
YOU: “Who’d you hear that from?” or “Where’d you read that?”

THEM: “I dunno, this seems pretty expensive?”
YOU: “Compared to what?”

– – –

BONUS! 21 (other) ICY Questions examples include, but are not limited to:

1. How did you arrive at that?
2. How do you measure that?
3. Is that always the case?
4. So?
5. What do you plan to do with this feedback?
6. What stops you?
7. What would happen if you didn’t?
8. What’s (really) bothering you?
9. What’s your point?
10. When did you decide this?
11. Why?
12. What’s your proof?
13. How do you know that’s true?
14. Where’s the evidence?
15. Are you sure that’s true?
16. Why do you believe that?
17. Can you prove it?
18. Why did I receive this email?
19. Why do you think that happened?
20. Why is that so important to you?
21. Why was I put on this list?

Ultimately, the whole reason ICY Questions work is because they break people’s patterns.

Which catches their attention.
Which causes them to stop and think.
Which causes them to clarify their remarks.
Which causes the REAL motives and beliefs to surface.
Which causes you to better understand where they’re coming from.

So, as EA Sports says, challenge everything.

Challenge irrational thoughts.
Challenge programmed knowledge.
Challenge people’s positions.

If you want to be more approachable, start by being more challenging!

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
How do you challenge people’s assumptions?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Share your three best ICY Questions here!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
[email protected]

…only 8 more days until NametagTV.com goes ON AIR!

8 Ways to Avoid Conversational Narcissism

Forget yourself and submit to the other person.

That’s the BIG challenge of listening.

To check your ego.
To relinquish you agendas.
To suspend your preoccupation.

Unfortunately, it’s dangerously easy for people to fall into the trap of Conversational Narcissism.

Especially when they’re too busy.

Too busy trying to contribute.
Too busy trying to prove themselves.
Too busy trying impose their own agenda.
Too busy trying to take ownership of someone else’s ideas.

Today we’re going to explore 8 practices to help you avoid Conversation Narcissism so you can continue to grow bigger ears!

1. Watch your intent. First, beware of listening for selfish reasons. In fact, ask yourself this: Why are you listening? Could it be…

Listening to give advice?
Listening to change people?
Listening to hear yourself talk?
Listening to control the conversation?
Listening to appear like a good listener?
Listening to find your opportunity to steal the stage take over?

Or, are you listening to understand, learn and help? The choice is yours.

2. Switch the spotlight. Give THEM the glory. REMEMBER: Listening isn’t about you. And your words need to reinforce that principle. So, try these Phrases That Payses after you’ve finished making a comment:

o “And you…?”
o “Have you had similar experiences?”
o “Is it the same in your industry?”
o “What about yourself?”
o “What’s YOUR philosophy on that?”

3. Silently check yourself. In the back of your mind (while still listening, of course), find a way to keep yourself accountable. Consider using QREATIVITY by asking silent self-assessment questions like:

o Am I granting others space to talk?
o Am I listening or controlling the conversation?
o Am I listening or trying to fix?
o Am I listening or waiting to talk?
o What questions wants to be asked next?
o Will this comment disrupt or contribute?

4. Don’t add too much value. Trust in your ability to add value AFTER (not during) the listening process. Resist the temptation to hijack the conversation by matching or one-upping people’s points, or by trying to solve the problem too quickly.

A great practice to remind you of this principle is to post listening reminders on sticky notes by your desk and phone. Examples might include:

a. Listening, not solving.
b. Don’t add (too much) value!
c. Listen, don’t fix.
d. Listeners don’t bulldoze!
e. Three seconds before responding.
f. Two ears, one mouth!

Check out the complete list of 38 Listening Reminders!

5. Open the space. Part of your role as the listener is to make room (both physically and emotionally) in the conversation. Your best practice for this principle is the strategic use of silence. This lets the other person fill in the empty spaces AND enables him to set the pace of the conversation.

The challenge, of course, is that most Conversational Narcissists don’t like silence. They talk for the sake of talking. As if silence made them look weak and indecisive.

Nope. Silence is strength. And “silence is golden” because it helps the other person articulate their most precious emotions. So, your goal is to become more comfortable with silence. Here’s why:

o The more you practice silence alone, the more comfortable you will be during silence with others.
o The more comfortable you are during silence with others, the less likely you are to feel the need to fill the space.
o The less you feel the need to fill the space, the more open the atmosphere becomes.
o The more open the atmosphere becomes, the more likely the other person is to share her authentic feelings, concerns and questions.

6. Be mindful of ownership. Don’t take over people’s problems. That’s not your job. And that’s (probably) not why they came to you. Instead, provide support so they can safely process their own thoughts and eventually formulate their own solutions. In so doing, you show the other person respect and reinforce their ability to manage their own lives. Use Phrases That Payses like:

o “What do you think is the best option?”
o “What does your gut tell you?”
o “What outcome would be optimal in this situation?”
o “What are you going to do about it?”

7. Listening is NOT a performance. Listening is about temporarily suspending your need for self-expression. So, don’t use what people say as triggers for your own jokes. Listening takes, among many things, self-control. One of my favorite rules is: Acknowledge, then shut up! SO REMEMBER: Take in; don’t take over.

8. Recognize and return. Notwithstanding the first seven suggestions on this list, it’s still nearly impossible to avoid ALL traces of conversational narcissism. So, the secret is to recognize when you feel yourself being pulled into narcissistic territory. That way you can correct it, then pass the conversation back to the other person. Consider using these Phrases That Payses:

a. “I’ve been doing most of the talking, so let me stop now and just listen.”
b. “Enough from me, what about you?”
c. “I’m sorry; I’ve been talking too much!”

Ultimately, Conversational Narcissism boils down to this simple idea:

Listening isn’t about you.

It’s about forgetting yourself and submitting to the other person.

So, check your ego. Relinquish you agendas. And suspend your preoccupation.

Start growing bigger ears today!

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
How do you avoid Conversational Narcissism?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Share your best practice for Growing Bigger Ears here!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
[email protected]

…only 14 more days until NametagTV.com goes ON AIR!

38 (More) Ways to Grow Bigger Ears

What’s the secret to Growing Bigger Ears?

THREE WORDS: Constant, visual reinforcement.

So, here’s what you do.

1. Grab a few sticky notes and a Sharpie.

2. Start brainstorming a list of your biggest listening challenges, i.e., “Pause three seconds before answering a question,” or “Don’t ask ‘Why?’ ask, ‘What or How?’”

3. Summarize, symbolize and shorten those ideas into memorable soundbites.

4. Post them around your office, by your phone, in your car, on the door, in the bathroom, on the mirror, or anywhere else you might glance at during the day.

5. Start Growing Bigger Ears!

Now, if you’re stumped for Listening Reminder ideas, here’s a quick list of 38 suggestions to get you started:

– – –

1. L-I-S-T-E-N = S-I-L-E-N-T
Whaddaya know? Same letters! How comfortable are you with silence?

2. 2 ears, 1 mouth
Listen and speak proportionately. This physical feature wasn’t an accident.

3. SHUT UP!
A little harsh, but some people need to hear it.

4. Advice or understanding?
Find out which one the other person is asking you for.

5. WAIT 3 SECONDS.
Let the pearl sink. Think before responding.

6. MAKE SPACE.
Physically and emotionally, to accept new ideas and thoughts.

7. Attention, acknowledgment, appreciation, affirmation.
The four A’s of effective listening!

8. Responses, not answers.
That’s what to look for. Sometimes their body says something else.

9. (L-I-S-T) E-N
The first four letters suggest a great method of note taking. More about the magic of listing here!

10. SAFETY.
Until this exists, the other person will NOT open up comfortably.

11. WHAT or HOW, not Why.
Prefixing your questions with “Why?” causes defensiveness. Depersonalize your words.

12. What happened next?
Think of yourself as a trial lawyer. Lead the witness where she wants to go.

13. TELL ME ABOUT.
Encourages people to open up comfortably, allows them to pace and name the conversation according to their needs.

14. Bite your tongue!
People with big ears have teeth marks on their tongues.

15. NO ADVICE.
Are you giving it when people didn’t ask for it?

16. Don’t add (too much) VALUE.
Contribute AFTER (not during) the listening process. Resist the temptation to hijack the conversation with your own experiences or ideas.

17. Listening, not waiting to talk.
Are you trying to find an opportunity to steal the stage take over?

18. Don’t fix.
That’s not your job. That’s not what they want. That’s not why they came to you.

19. Say what you see.
“I see that you’re really upset.” “I see that you’ve come in an hour late every day this week.” Maintain objectivity so you don’t sound accusatory.

20. NO Agenda.
Listen not to add value, argue, fix, solve;; to make the other person feel better or to look like a good listener. Listen just to listen.

21. Will this comment disrupt or contribute?
Before interjecting, this is a great question to ask yourself? If it can wait, write it down. If not, acknowledge and shut up.

22. Post a picture of a blank tape.
To remind you what you’re there for.

23. Don’t react; respond.
Emotional reactivity is the #1 internal barrier to effective listening.

24. WHAT wants to be said next?
Not, “What do I want to say next?” Suspend your agenda and let the appropriate comment surface on its own.

25. I see, not OK.
It’s positive, empathetic and non-committal; whereas “OK” takes a side.

26. PERMISSION.
Because that’s what people need in order to feel safe to open up.

27. Post a picture of a lake.
Be still like a body of water. As a result, the other person will be able to see their reflection in it, which will lead to breakthroughs of their own making.

28. Problem or predicament?
Problems have solutions; predicaments have options.

29. Take two breaths first.
This is a great technique to practice before answering the phone or opening the door for someone to walk in. Oxygen prepares your body and primes your mind and heart to receive the other person.

30. Ask; don’t tell.
Be curious, not judgmental. Use engaging, generative language. Show the other person that you trust them to develop their own answers.

31. Curious, not judgmental.
Be fascinated, not frustrated. Be a giant question mark.

32. Post a picture of the Rich Uncle Pennybags.
As a reminder to monopolize the listening.

33. Post of a picture of an ear and a heart.
Because listening to someone is a form of loving that person.

34. You don’t own the problem.
Resist the temptation to claim ownership of the other person’s issue by trying to solving it too quickly, offering advice or assuming THEE answer.

35. WOW.
An effective response that acknowledges the other person, shows concern and (minimal) emotion; yet still keeps you fairly neutral.

36. Listening isn’t a performance.
Careful.

37. Full body listening.
Listen with your eyes, arms, hands, fingers, legs; heart, mind and soul.

38. Post a cartoon or a picture of someone with HUGE ears.
It will make you laugh and remind you of this listening philosophy.

– – –

These listening reminders will accomplish three goals:

1. They will REMIND you … of the value of listening.

2. They will TEACH you … to become a better listener.

3. They will KEEP you … accountable to yourself and to the people you serve.

Start growing bigger ears today!

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
How do you remind yourself to become a better listener?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Share your best Listening Reminders here!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
[email protected]

…only 15 more days until NametagTV.com goes ON AIR!

37 Things (Not) to Do This Year

1. Don’t accuse, inform.

2. Don’t exist, live.

3. Don’t hear, listen.

4. Don’t hype. Appear.

5. Don’t inform, form.

6. Don’t jump, pause.

7. Don’t listen, understand.

8. Don’t look, observe.

9. Don’t memorize, prepare.

10. Don’t perform, satisfy.

11. Don’t read, observe.

12. Don’t sell, solve.

13. Don’t solve, dissolve.

14. Don’t talk, do.

15. Don’t think, react.

16. Don’t think, reflect.

17. Don’t touch, feel.

18. Don’t write, transmit.

19. Don’t advertise your importance.

20. Don’t be a flat person.

21. Don’t be typecast.

22. Don’t say you don’t know.

23. Don’t cheap out on design.

24. Don’t (over) actively listen.

27. Don’t get right down to business.

28. Don’t overuse techniques.

25. Don’t ask too many questions.

26. Don’t use assumptive, vague language.

29. Don’t force familiarity.

30. Don’t be so goal oriented..

31. Don’t criticize imperfections.

32. Don’t memorize your speech, prepare your speech.

33. Don’t proofread thoughts.

34. Don’t unload everything.

35. Don’t let them catch you acting.

36. Don’t count on your audience to connect the dots.

37. Don’t do things FOR anyone or anything. Just do them.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What do you encourage people (not) to do?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Share your Top Five Best Pieces of Counterintuitive Wisdom here!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
[email protected]

…only 18 more days until NametagTV.com goes ON AIR!

22 Ways to Make Negative Thinking Work for You

Inasmuch as positive thinking is a healthy, creative and productive approach to life, there IS something to be said about being the (occasional) Negative Nelly.

Wow. That was REALLY cheesy. Negative Nelly. I sound like Ned Flanders.

Whatever. Flanders rules.

Anyway, Negative Thinking – despite its bad rap – CAN have positive attributes.

When used and timed correctly.

Because…

Posing occasional questions underscored with doubt and skepticism is a healthy way to maintain objectivity and curiosity.

And that’s what leads to breakthrough thinking.

Negative Thinking – and, more specifically, Negative Questioning – is a protective measure. It’s challenging, counterintuitive and gives you permission to explore the downside without feeling like a Negative Nelly, Debbie Downer or Suzie Suckbag.

LESSON LEARNED: human beings NEED to have occasional negative thoughts.

So, in situations where you’re evaluating, planning, discussing or offering/soliciting feedback, consider asking people (AND yourself, too) negative questions.

Let’s explore 22 of them:

ASK YOURSELF…
1. What are my three most limiting factors?
2. What is the stupidest thing I could say?
3. What is the stupidest thing I could do?
4. What are the three most common mistakes made by people my situation?
5. What’s the worst thing that could happen?
6. What’s the stupidest idea I could possibly have?
7. What type of person do I definitely NOT want to become?
8. What negative addictions do I have?
9. Who can hurt me the most?
10. In what ways am I obsolete?
11. How could this negatively affect me?

ASK OTHERS…
12. What mistakes have you learned from?
13. What’s the absolute worst idea you could possibly come up with?
14. What mistakes did you make in your first year of business?
15. What was your last “what-NOT-to-be” lesson?
16. What are the common traits among those who have failed?
17. What was your last “what-NOT-to-do” lesson?
18. How could this negatively affect you?
19. What UN-motivates you?
20. What do you fear losing?
21. What has been your biggest failure?
22. What threatens your peace?

REMEMBER: it takes a positive person to make negative thinking work.

So, when used judiciously, asking Negative Questions can lead to some pretty cool break-diddely-ake-throughs.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Are you positive enough to think negative?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Share your three best Negative Thinking Questions here!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
[email protected]

…only 20 more days until NametagTV.com goes ON AIR!

Clarify the type of conversation you’re having

One of the primary tasks of Growing Bigger Ears is to guide the conversation into focus.

To help the speaker clarify what type of conversation she wants to have with you.

You do this for three reasons:

FIRST, clarify to … open up the space.
People need to feel free and relaxed in your presence. So, by first negotiating the space between you, you make it safe to share. This builds a foundation of comfort and approachability that endures throughout the entire encounter.

SECOND, clarify to … to set expectations.
Without an initial understanding of your conversational objectives, you’ll never know whether or not you and your partner were successful. So, think of this practice as sort of a mini-goal for creating a harmonious climate.

THIRD, clarify to … establish boundaries.
Listening is a process of suspending your own agenda in the service of the speaker. So, when you know what your respective roles are – and what areas are off limits – you prevent yourself AND the speaker from wasting emotional energy.

OK! Now that you understand the value of clarifying, let’s explore five questions you can pose to help the speaker guide the conversation into focus:

1. What needs to happen during this conversation for you to feel that it was successful?
2. What type of conversation do you want this to become?
3. Do you want me to suggest ideas or just listen?
4. Is this a dialogue or a discussion?
5. How would you like me to listen to you?

CAUTION: be sure to pause for at least three seconds after every question AND answer. Let the pearl sink.

REMEMBER: when you clarify the conversation by asking future-focused, positive questions, you not only open up the space, set expectations and establish boundaries; but you also demonstrate your willingness to move forward together.

And that’s what approachability is all about.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
When you’re The Listener, what questions do you ask yourself?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Share your best two questions here!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
[email protected]

…only 21 more days until NametagTV.com goes ON AIR!

15 ways to become (intentionally) dumber

It’s OK to be dumb once in a while.

After all, the word dumb means, “Unable to speak or ignorant.”

So, it doesn’t mean you’re stupid.

It just means you’re willing to admit that you don’t know everything.

LESSON LEARNED: Smart people dare to be dumb.

It’s more human.
It’s more relatable.
It’s more approachable.

Now, that doesn’t mean you need to be dumb ALL the time!

Just enough to keep yourself accountable, and to keep other people comfortable.

Here are 15 Phrases That Payses to help you sound dumber TODAY:

1. Here’s a dumb question…
2. I don’t know what that means.
3. I need to write that down so I can look it up later!
4. I never knew that!
5. I never thought of it that way!
6. I don’t know. (My favorite!)
7. Is that bad?
8. Is that good?
9. Wait, I don’t understand…
11. What does that word mean?
12. Tell me what you mean by…
13. Help me understand…
14. Tell me that again, I didn’t follow.
15. I’ve never heard that before…

THE SECRET IS: being approachable is about NOT being a know-it-all.

It’s about being constantly curious.
It’s about being an asker, not a teller.
It’s about being open to lifelong learning.
It’s about being confident enough to be humble.

Not to mention, when you’re willing to become (intentionally) dumber, that gives other people permission to do the same.

And clients LOVE to have someone they can feel dumb in front of.

SO, I DARE YOU: be dumber today.

My, that’s a lovely accent you’ve got … New Jersey?

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Are you willing to be dumb?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Share your best example of how being dumb paid off!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag

Coaching, schmoaching.

No systems. No formulas. Just someone who (actually) listens, asks KILLER questions and facilitates creative breakthroughs.

Rent Scott’s Brain today!

How to be TOO approachable

Yes, it IS possible to be TOO approachable.

Here’s how…

1. Over actively listen. If you nod TOO much, smile TOO much and agree TOO much, your conversation partner is going not going to like you … TOO much!

Avoid focusing ALL your attention on “coming off as a good listener.” Just relax.

The moment you TRY to be authentic is the moment you STOP being authentic.

Listening is about focusing on the OTHER person’s words; not YOUR own abilities.

2. Early vulnerability. Yes, vulnerability can be approachable. Admitting that you don’t know the answer or have been completely terrified before is a surefire way to encourage comfort.

HOWEVER: don’t be too vulnerable too quickly.

It may come off like you’re trying TOO hard to build rapport. And intentionality often reduces authenticity.

3. Ask too many questions. First of all, it can come off as too goal-oriented, too forced and too planned.

Secondly, it projects a rapport-seeking attitude, instead of rapport-attracting attitude.

Thirdly, it will appear that you have nothing of value to share yourself.

And lastly, asking too many questions makes the other person feel like she’s being interviewed or interrogated.

4. Force the kinesthetic. Lightly touching someone’s arm, elbow or any other non-threatening body part during the conversation is a good tip for building rapport.

Just don’t do it TOO much. People will check you off immediately.

5. Use names too often. If you repeat the person’s name TOO often, it comes off as sales-y, forced and inauthentic.

Depending on the length of your conversation, try to use the other person’s name once at the introduction, once in the middle and once at the goodbye. That’s enough!

Just because you CAN doesn’t mean you SHOULD.

NOTE: if you talk for more than seven minutes, it’s OK to
increase Name Drop Frequency.

6. Forced familiarity. Discovering the CPI (Common Point of Interest) is essential for connecting.

But, don’t try TOO hard. Unnecessarily fishing for commonalities can make you look desperate if you’re trying to hard to stretch it.

If you have nothing in common, let it go. Don’t force familiarity.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What makes someone TOO approachable?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Share your examples here!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag

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If so, perhaps I could help on a more personal, one-on-one basis.

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Listening earns you the right to…

1. Listening earns you the right to speak.

2. Listening earns you the right to be right.

3. Listening earns you the right to clarify goals.

4. Listening earns you the right to offer advice.

5. Listening earns you the right to be respected.

6. Listening earns you the right to be listened to.

7. Listening earns you the right to voice your opinions.

8. Listening earns you the right to share in others’ lives.

9. Listening earns you the right to proceed to the next step.

10. Listening earns you the right to advance the conversation.

11. Listening earns you the right to influence the other person.

12. Listening earns you the right to let your creativity take over.

13. Listening earns you the right to create what wants to be created.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What does listening earn you the right to do?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Finish this sentence five times: listening earns you the right to…

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag

Enjoy this post?

If so, perhaps I could help on a more personal, one-on-one basis.

Rent Scott’s Brain today!

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