Tag: grow bigger ears

Grow Bigger Ears: Don’t Add Too Much Value

Adding value is essential to growing bigger ears.

But be careful.

Because it’s (really) easy to add TOO MUCH value to a conversation.

FOR EXAMPLE: imagine your colleague, Karen, is enthusiastically telling you about her great new idea. She’s excited, optimistic and really “getting into” her explanation.

So, a few seconds into the conversation, you can’t help but interrupt with suggestions to make it better.

“You know that’s a great a idea Karen! Here’s what you should do. Start by going to this website and buy these two products. Then, talk to Mark, he’s good with this kind of stuff. Oh, and instead of selling ads online, you know what would be a BETTER idea? Well, one time I told one of MY clients…”

And all of the sudden, the momentum is reversed.

And Karen is thinking, “Wait, um, wasn’t this MY idea?”

Well, it WAS, until you hijacked the conversation by trying to add too much value to it!

Which means you did three things wrong:

1. You weren’t listening — you were too busy trying to contribute.
2. You weren’t collaborating — you were too busy trying to prove yourself.
3. You weren’t helping — you were too busy trying to take ownership of someone else’s idea.

BIG mistake.

Because even if you DID make Karen’s idea a little better, you still took away some of her ownership of that idea -– which made her feel A LOT worse.

Not a good trade off.

AND HERE’S THE PROBLEM: some people don’t even realize THAT they try to add too much value.

(I should I know: I used to be one of them!)

SO, REMEMBER THIS: while adding too much value is not always intentional, it’s still an unconscious display of disrespect.

And the people you’re engaging with will know it.

Because it’s rude, frustrating and unapproachable.

So, if you want to avoid adding too much value to your conversations, remember these DO’s and DONT’s:

DON’T … match or one-up people’s points.
DON’T … try to solve the problem too quickly.

DO … give them the glory.
DO … trust in your ability to add value after (not during) listening.

DON’T … feel the need to prove yourself every ten seconds
DON’T … respond too soon or rush to give answers.

DO … allow the speaker to set the pace of the conversation.
DO … let the other person fill in the empty spaces.

DON’T … impose your own structure on what is being said.
DON’T … project your own meaning onto the speaker.

HERE’S YOUR CHALLENGE: post these caveats in a visible location somewhere in your office. That will help you become more mindful of this dangerous interpersonal habit.

AND REMEMBER: listening is not the same thing as waiting to talk.

So, next time a colleague comes to you with a new idea or a business challenge, don’t try to add too much value to the conversation.

Grow bigger ears by biting your tongue.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Are you trying to add too much value to the conversation?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Share your best three tips for monopolizing the listening.

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag

Are you a friend of The Nametag Network?

Read more blogs!
Rent Scott’s Brain!
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The three types of mentors

Who are your mentors?

Notice I said mentor(s), not mentor.

That’s because there are three types: casual, formal and indirect.

The word mentor first appeared in Homer’s Odyssey as character who served as a wide advisor.

My first “wise advisor” (other than my Dad) came in the form of a high school English teacher named William Jenkins.

It started with the occasional after-class discussion.

Mid-semester, it blossomed into a friendship.

By the time I graduated, he was my full-time go-to guy for advice on college and relationships.

And by the time I entered the Real World and started my career as a writer, he became the professional resource I needed to further my career.

That’s an example of a CASUAL mentor.

You chat informally.
You meet on an as-needed basis.
You have lunches, hang out and take walks together.

They talk; you listen.
They share ideas; you write them down.
They ask tricky questions; you spend months pondering the answers.

Then there’s a FORMAL mentor.

You meet on a regular basis.
You have structured discussions.
You set goals, parameters and expectations for the relationship.

They give you assignments; you return with homework.
They expect a certain degree of commitment; you do what they say.
They (sometimes) charge a fee; you gladly pay them for their wisdom.

Lastly, there’s an INDIRECT mentor.

You rarely meet in person.
You learn by reading and gleaning.
You might not even know each other.

They write books; you read, highlight and learn.
They do stuff really well; you watch, take notes and relate.
They set the standard in your industry; you follow their lead.

Three kinds of mentors. Three kinds of wise advisors.

Casual, direct and indirect.

And you need them all.

Because one mentor is no longer enough.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
How many mentors do you have?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Tell us about them here!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag

Are you a friend of The Nametag Network?

Read more blogs!
Rent Scott’s Brain!
Download articles and ebooks!
Watch training videos on NametagTV!

Make a name for yourself here…

The single greatest thing you could ever do for your writing career

In Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way, she insists upon a daily ritual called “Morning Pages.”

I’ve been doing them for about seven months, and they’ve absolutely changed my life.

AND I PROMISE YOU: it’s the greatest thing you could ever do for your writing career.

Ever.

Here’s how they work:

1. First thing in the morning (even before checking email!) open a blank document, either on paper or on your computer.

2. Spew out every single thought and/or idea that’s running through your mind. Dreams, worries, fears, annoyances, ideas, what you did the day before, everything. (Most of it will be negative. Don’t worry about that.)

3. Keep writing until you’ve filled up three pages. You simply show up and write, “This is how I feel.”

4. When you’re done, don’t even read it. Just save it in a folder called “Morning Pages.”

5. Then, get on with your day’s work.

That’s pretty much it. That’s the best thing you could ever do for your writing career.

But don’t it from me.

Take it from Julia, someone who’s (not only) written 20+ books and taught writing and creativity, but someone who’s been writing morning pages every day for decades.

I’ve pulled a collection of passages from several of Julia’s books on this topic. All of these are direct quotes.

32 Reasons to Write Morning Pages.

First, here’s what they ARE:

1. They are time outs.
2. They are portable solitude.
3. They are rituals of reflection.
4. They are a form of meditation.
5. They are the first check-in of the day.
6. They are psychological holding environments.
7. They are gateways to inner and higher selves.
8. They are tools to help you listen to yourself.
9. They are moments of free association and celebration.
10. They get the shanks out and bring forth the good stuff.

Second, here’s what they DO:

11. Morning pages lend you stability.
12. Morning pages provide intimacy.
13. Morning pages prioritize your day.
14. Morning pages keep you grounded.
15. Morning pages give you a place to ventilate.
16. Morning pages give you the privacy you crave.
17. Morning pages reveal weaknesses AND strengths.
18. Morning pages render us present to the moment.
19. Morning Pages are places to examine many aspects of an experience.
20. Morning pages are places to reframe our failures into lessons learned.
21. Morning pages introduce us to an unsuspected inner strength and agility.
22. Morning pages allow you to spit out what is troubling you NOW, just when you “should” be grateful.
23. Morning Pages are places to approach our next challenge from an emotionally neutral or positive stance.

Lastly, here’s why they’re so EFFECTIVE:

24. You awaken your intuition.
25. You need to release thoughts.
26. You must train your censor to stand aside.
27. You can find out what you like and don’t like.
28. You keep your spirit from being parched and dry.
29. You can shape your lives by your authentic desires.
30. Your problems are exposed and solutions are suggested.
31. You draw to your attention those areas of your life that need your focus.
32. You discover that a little trickle of writing keeps the flow from closing down completely.

Because a writer writes. Always.

Lastly, as Julia says, “Only in writing do you discover what you know. And writing teaches you something: that you never write just what you know. You write what you learn as you’re writing. Ideas come to you and trigger other ideas. Thoughts crystallize and connect with others, and the combination produces a compound: an insight.”

Wow!

Morning pages. Best thing ever.

Start today. Never stop.

Thanks, JC!

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What’s the best thing you ever did for your writing career?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Do Morning Pages every day for a month. When you’re done, email [email protected] and tell me how they worked out!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
www.hellomynameisscott.com

Are you the luckiest person you know?

Watch Scott’s interview on 20/20!

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Observe your future self

ATTENTION ANYONE UNDER 25!

If you’re a “young blade,” as my Grandma likes to say, you need to take a good look at the veterans of your industry.

I suggest:

Meet them.
Observe them
Hang out with them.
Ask questions of them.

THEN: create a picture of the type of person that someone who does what you do often becomes.

This is something you need to know going in. To a new career OR a new job.

FOR EXAMPLE: as an entrepreneur under 30, I tend to work with a lot of people who are sometimes 20 years ahead of me.

And a few of the trends I notice (although not for everybody) include:

o Lack of work-life balance
o Incredible stress, physically and mentally
o Sabotaged relationships
o Absentee fathers and husbands
o Complacency and therefore lack of reinvention and/or expansion

That’s not who I want to become! I think.

I remember last year I asked a friend of mine, “Do you ever come into the office on Sundays?”

He said, “I come into the office when I’m in town.”

Wow.

Sure am glad I realize this now!

So. What about you?

What do you want (and not want) to become?

Even if you’re not under 30, here a few steps to help you find the answer:

1. Observe your future self. Create a picture of the type of person that someone who does what you do often becomes.

2. Self-Assessment. Ask yourself three questions:

a. Do I want to end up like them?
b. If not, whom DO I want to end up like?
c. And what steps will I have to take (now) in order to become that person (later)?

3. Journal. Start a “Don’t Ever Let That Happen to Me” Log. Consider doing it with another person or a mastermind group for accountability purposes.

4. Evaluate. On a regular basis, do a check-in. See where you’ve been, where you are and where you’re going. Be sure your path is consistent with what you’ve observed and what you want.

REMEMBER: you don’t have to become what everyone else who does what you do often becomes.

It’s up to you.

Because you always have a choice.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What are the trappings of your industry?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Start your accountability TODAY. Make a list right here, right now, of three things you DON’T want to become.

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
www.hellomynameisscott.com

Are you the luckiest person you know?

Watch Scott’s interview on 20/20!

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21 alternatives for the word “but”

“But” is a very dangerous word.

It puts people on the defensive.
It makes them think there’s a catch.
It negates everything you said before.
It reduces the positivity of your argument.

Now, in most articles addressing this topic, experts will suggest:

“Don’t say Yes, BUT; say Yes, AND.”

That’s a good idea.

THE CHALLENGE IS: sometimes saying “Yes, AND” isn’t enough.

Here’s a list of 21 Phrases that Payses to be used in place of the word “but.”

Whether you’re dealing with customers, employees, friends or family members, these alternatives statements will boost your approachability as soon as you open your mouth.

(NOTE: in each of these examples, you will be choosing an alternative for the response, “That’s a good idea. But…”)

1. “That’s a good idea. Now, that’s likely to cause (x), so what do you think we should do about…”

2. “That’s a good idea. And that’s probably going to result in (x), so what’s the best way to handle…”

3. “That’s a good idea. I think the biggest challenge is going to be…”

4. “That’s a good idea. Do you really think it will work?”

5. “That’s a good idea. Do you think anything negative could result?”

6. “That’s a good idea. Have you ever thought about…?”

7. “That’s a good idea. Here’s what you need to be careful of:”

8. “That’s a good idea. However…”

9. “That’s a good idea. I wonder if it will get done on time…”

10. “That’s a good idea. Just be sure to remember that…”

11. “That’s a good idea. My concern is that…”

12. “That’s a good idea. The challenge is figure out whether or not it’s feasible.”

13. “That’s a good idea. So, if you did that, what will you do about…?”

14. “That’s a good idea. So, what’s it going to take to avoid…?”

15. “That’s a good idea. The challenge is: how can we make it work?” (Did you notice I used this example earlier in the post?”)

16. “That’s a good idea. The big question is: is it in our budget?”

17. “That’s a good idea. The reason I’m hesitant to move forward is because…”

18. “That’s a good idea. The reason I’m unable to help is because…”

19. “That’s a good idea. Unfortunately…”

20. “That’s a good idea. What I wonder about is…”

21. “That’s a good idea. So, let’s say we did that. Do you think there’s anything we need to be concerned about?”

Ultimately, phrases like these WIN because:

They focus on solutions.
They maintain positivity.
They ASK instead of TELL.
They foster creative thinking.
They encourage open dialogue.

So, study them today. Refer to them periodically. And use them forever!

And your words will become instantly approachable.

Because sometimes “Yes, AND” isn’t enough.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What do you say instead of “but”?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Share your best Phrases that Payses here!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
www.hellomynameisscott.com

Are you the luckiest person you know?

Watch Scott’s interview on 20/20!

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Grow Bigger Ears: Don’t (Over) Actively Listen

In the 2003 film The Life of David Gale, there’s a great scene where Kevin Spacey and Laura Linney are debating Capital Punishment:

LL: “And almost-martyrs don’t count.”

KS: “Got it.”

LL: “So, keep it rational.”

KS: “Mm-hmm…”

LL: “And stop that!”

KS: “What?”

LL: “Active listening. I hate active listeners. I feel like they’re too busy pretending to listen to actually hear what I’m saying.”

KS: “I can listen AND actively listen at the same time.”

AAAAAAND CUT!

OK. What about you?

Ever had a conversation with someone who was (over) actively listening to you?

In other words, even though the person WAS doing all the right things…

Like smiling.
Like nodding.
Like taking notes.
Like leaning forward.
Like saying, “Uh huh…”
Like agreeing, “Yeah…!”
Like asking clarifying questions.
Like offering validation phrases.
Like restating what you just said.
Like displaying mirroring or reflection statements.

…that person still drove you crazy!

LISTEN UP: there are three dangers that result from (over) actively listening:

1. Annoyance. If you nod TOO much, smile TOO much and agree TOO much, your customer is going not going to like you … TOO much! Use active listening techniques moderately. Don’t overdo it. Especially in highly emotional situations. Remember: just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

2. Authenticity. Avoid focusing ALL your attention on “coming off as a good listener.” Just relax. The moment you TRY to be authentic is the moment you STOP being authentic. Listening is about focusing on the OTHER person’s words, and not about focusing on YOUR own abilities to do so.

3. Negligence. Think about this: If YOU were talking to your boss and he spent the whole conversation taking notes, how would you feel? Probably like he spent too much time writing and not enough time listening. LESSON LEARNED: beware of allowing your ears to get in the way of hearing the message.

So, that’s the challenge: how do you maintain balance between active listening and (over) active listening?

THE SHORT ANSWER: moderation.

THE LONG ANSWER: grow bigger ears WITHOUT allowing them to stand in the way of what you really need to hear.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Have you ever encountered an (over) active listener?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Tell us what they could have done better here!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag

Download Scott’s new book!
Right here, right now, for FREE, no strings.

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100 people (not) to listen to

Growing bigger ears isn’t just about listening.

It’s also about NOT listening.

Not listening to the wrong kinds of people, that is.

After all, the word “bigger” also means “more mature.”

So, I did a fun little Google search and came up with (yet another) one of my lists:

100 People (not) to Listen To

1. Don’t listen to people who … have no idea what the hell they’re talking about.
2. Don’t listen to people who … try to destroy your dreams.
3. Don’t listen to people who … tell you what’s right or wrong.
4. Don’t listen to people who … tell you what to believe.
5. Don’t listen to people who … have nothing else to whine about.
6. Don’t listen to people who … think they know what you need.
7. Don’t listen to people who … say you’re making them look bad.
8. Don’t listen to people who … nastily try to induce insecurity in others.
9. Don’t listen to people who … tell you that you can’t make it in this business.
10. Don’t listen to people who … who’s imagination can’t encompass what it is that you want to do.
11. Don’t listen to people who … claim “their way” is “THE way.”
12. Don’t listen to people who … haven’t done anything themselves.
13. Don’t listen to people who … cannot prove that they have done what you are trying to do.
14. Don’t listen to people who … put a damper on your natural versatility.
15. Don’t listen to people who … give uneducated and bad reviews.
16. Don’t listen to people who … say that studying and learning isn’t cool.
17. Don’t listen to people who … aren’t qualified to advise you.
18. Don’t listen to people who … don’t listen to you.
19. Don’t listen to people who … don’t listen to themselves.
20. Don’t listen to people who … say, “You can’t do that, just get an education!”
21. Don’t listen to people who … say ALL (insert group of people) are like that.
22. Don’t listen to people who … tell you to change what you’re doing.
23. Don’t listen to people who … tell you the market is saturated.
24. Don’t listen to people who … think it’ll never work.
25. Don’t listen to people who … think you’re out of your mind.
26. Don’t listen to people who … say that manga is a useless hobby.
27. Don’t listen to people who … believe there are only two kinds of people in this world.
28. Don’t listen to people who … are telling you, aggressively, that everything is normal.
29. Don’t listen to people who … claim they’re “not” racist, sexist, homophobic, whatever.

(Remember, if you have to tell people you are, then you probably aren’t.)

30. Don’t listen to people who … put you down and try to force you into dead-end roles.
31. Don’t listen to people who … are overwhelmed with jealousy.
32. Don’t listen to people who … tell you that you have to buy a certain kind of suit.
33. Don’t listen to people who … haven’t been right about shit in years.
34. Don’t listen to people who … want to put you down because your passion and enthusiasm scares them.
35. Don’t listen to people who … say you should’ve bought a bigger one.
36. Don’t listen to people who … think they get paid to make your mind up for you.
37. Don’t listen to people who … state their opinion as if it were fact.
38. Don’t listen to people who … think you’re geeky because you ride a recumbent.
39. Don’t listen to people who … use their own personal values to censor other people.
40. Don’t listen to people who … say young people offer no hope for our future.
41. Don’t listen to people who … bare long term grudges on new companies.
42. Don’t listen to people who … say what you do is too strange or too eclectic.
43. Don’t listen to people who … criticize you no matter what you do.
44. Don’t listen to people who … require you to read a library before they’re willing to hear your thoughts.
45. Don’t listen to people who … are just after your money.
46. Don’t listen to people who … are just after your time.
47. Don’t listen to people who … are just after your brain (ahem, aliens).
48. Don’t listen to people who … tell you that you won’t make it in this field because it’s too competitive.
49. Don’t listen to people who … who stereotype your school.
50. Don’t listen to people who … try to stress you out.
51. Don’t listen to people who … have nothing but compliments for you.
52. Don’t listen to people who … have nothing but insults for you.
53. Don’t listen to people who … offer you “friendly advice” solely to make you feel insecure.
54. Don’t listen to people who … persuade you to install another piece of software that won’t do more than just occupy precious space in your hard drive.
55. Don’t listen to people who … ridicule, demean or spit venom.
56. Don’t listen to people who … tell you not to do something because they don’t think you are capable.
57. Don’t listen to people who … tell you what you can and can’t do with/to your body (unless it’s your Doctor)
58. Don’t listen to people who … instruct you which foods you can and can’t eat (unless it’s your Doctor)
59. Don’t listen to people who … say what you’re doing will be “too hard.”
60. Don’t listen to people who … say the signing of Hakeem Olajuwon was the reason for the Raptors’ downfall.
61. Don’t listen to people who … tell you “if you don’t go now, you’ll never go.”
62. Don’t listen to people who … scream at or insult others for a living.
63. Don’t listen to people who … don’t respect their customers.
64. Don’t listen to people who … seek to silence your conscience.
65. Don’t listen to people who … went somewhere once and think they know everything about it.
66. Don’t listen to people who … dismiss your work as uninteresting or unimportant.
67. Don’t listen to people who … tell you to stop singing so loud.
68. Don’t listen to people who … shovel smoke for a living.
69. Don’t listen to people who … lie.
70. Don’t listen to people who … say something sucks when THEY just don’t like it.
71. Don’t listen to people who … say there’s nothing you can do about it.
72. Don’t listen to people who … don’t think that “Afternoon Delight” is the greatest song ever.
73. Don’t listen to people who … claim that you ONLY have to work smart to be successful.
74. Don’t listen to people who … say it’s just dumb luck.
75. Don’t listen to people who … aren’t listening, they’re just waiting to talk.
76. Don’t listen to people who … answer with the lies they tell themselves.
77. Don’t listen to people who … say you can’t make money from fishing.
78. Don’t listen to people who … want to hide in the background.
79. Don’t listen to people who … try to steer your life.
80. Don’t listen to people who … tell you to pick up your rabbit by the ears.
81. Don’t listen to people who … try to pass the buck to others.
82. Don’t listen to people who … tell you that the Brunswick Total Inferno Bowling Ball is too much for you.
83. Don’t listen to people who … have so much anger and hate in them.
84. Don’t listen to people who … say you can get rich by putting a link on their site because of all the traffic they receive.
85. Don’t listen to people who … tell you how cool they are.
86. Don’t listen to people who … never worked in food service before.
87. Don’t listen to people who … say they studied for a weekend and passed.
88. Don’t listen to people whose … sole purpose in life is to stamp out your fire.
89. Don’t listen to people who … say that starving yourself is a good idea as long as it is done in a routine way.
90. Don’t listen to people who … mock you for trying.
91. Don’t listen to people who … can’t even get their basic facts straight.
92. Don’t listen to people who … want to lump the law on you again.
93. Don’t listen to people who … tell you that there is nothing wrong with you and that you have no reason to be depressed.
94. Don’t listen to people who … tell you that REAL filmmakers never zoom.
95. Don’t listen to people who … tell you this race is over.
96. Don’t listen to people who … say you’re too young.
97. Don’t listen to people who … baulk at making cheesecake in a pressure cooker.
98. Don’t listen to people who … only offer anecdotes of their own situation.
99. Don’t listen to people who … abuse.

And last but not least…

100. Don’t listen to people who … make absurdly long lists telling you what types of people (not) to listen to. Instead, make your own ☺

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What types of people do YOU (not) listen to?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Post your list here!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag

Download Scott’s new book!
Right here, right now, for FREE, no strings.

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27 ways to grow bigger ears

Last week I briefly talked about growing bigger ears.

Since then I’ve received tons of awesome feedback on the topic of listening. (If you still have tips and ideas, email [email protected])

So, here’s my ever-growing list of Ways to Grow Bigger Ears:

1) Be less worried about what you’re planning to say next.

2) As soon as your follow-up question or rebuttal is formed, jot down just the major ideas (usually just nouns and verbs) to jog your memory when it’s your turn to speak.

3) In a pinch (i.e. sans paper), assign the thought to a finger which and tap gently on the desk or the arm of your chair.

4) The key is to free up your thought processes to be able to hear,
interpret, and internalize the content of an incoming message. It will
make you a better listener, and should deter you from jumping in too
early with a response.

(Thanks, Peter Marinari)

5. When in a restaurant, sit with your back to the TV so you aren’t distracted.

6. Ask questions on the information being presented.

7. Avoid turning the conversation back to you. If you use the word “I” alot, you are breaking that rule.

8. Listen for the suble difference between “I need you to solve my problem” vs “I am just telling you what frustrates me.”

9. Don’t anticipate the direction of the conversation in order to push it along faster than normal.

10. Don’t cut people off. Let them finish.

(Good stuff, Tony Chimento)

11) I always know that I am listening intently when I can see the size of my conversation partner’s pupils change size as the conversation happens. Don’t know why, but it works for me.

(Bravo, Debby “CNP Guru” Peters)

12) Aggressive Listening – listens to gather evidence for a position of view that is already fixed and confirmed. Listens with an agenda, and starts from the conclusion. This type of listening is closed, rigid and certain. It seeks to win a victory.

13) Learning Listening – listens in order to discover something new, to learn and understand – to be changed. Listens in order to focus on the other, and give them the gift of being truly heard. This type of listening is open, flexible and uncertain. The aim here is to win a relationship.

14) Restraint – Focus on the other person and avoid introducing your own story. Allow the other person’s story to stand on its own merit, without your commentary.

15) Questioning – To demonstrate your listening and to listen better ask open-ended questions that help to clarify (“What does that mean? Help me to understand this better…”), dig deeper (“Can you tell me more about…” “Please expand on this…”) or create a new angle. This can also the other person to understand their own story better!

16) Self-reflection – Often when we listen to others, our own body and mind begin to “resonate” with what we’re hearing. We listen with more than just our ears, intuitively we connect with the other person at a very deep level, and this can sometimes be “felt” in the “gut” or the “heart”. We may feel a particular emotion, or we may find ourselves getting agitated or tired. As we listen to the other person, we can tune in to what is happening within us, and this can help us to understand far more deeply than if we just use our ears.

(Solid content! Thanks John van de Laar)

17) (L I S T E N) has the same letters as (S I L E N T).

(Sweet. Thanks Michelle!)

18) Don’t jump ahead mentally to compose your response.

19) Include the speaker’s non verbals into how you “take in” what they are saying. The classic example of this is when someone says “Whatever” with body language that signifies that the outcome of whatever the debate/question had been is actually something they are heavily vested in.

19) Eye contact. I know this is one of those obvious basics, but I have a 7 year old who (like his father) doesn’t make eye contact readily. When I was lecturing him on why he received a “needs work” evaluation regarding his listening skills at gymnastics, he said, “just because I’m not looking doesn’t mean I’m not listening.” People don’t know that eye contact is critical.

(Cool, gracis to Paula E. Kiger from Florida Healthy Kids Corp.

20) Listen with your emotional ears, too.

21) Listen for the little pieces of info that can spur further questions.

22) 1 way NOT to grow bigger ears: DON’T grow a bigger head! It WON’T work ! 🙂

(From my old friend Allison, from KidSmart)

23) If it is more than a casual encounter take notes.

24) If at the end of twenty or thirty minutes of talking you’ve only got a few lines filled in, you probably talked more than you listened.

25) Want a real kick in the ass? Give a notepad to your client or guest and see who comes up with more notes at the end. If it’s them, how does that make you look?

26) I always repeat back someone’s name to them when we first meet, or else I’m likely to forget.

27) Throughout the event/party/meeting, I will look around the room and say to myself the names of the people I’ve met, just to reinforce it. It’s like I listen to the person the first time, then I listen to my mental repetitions after that!

(Good call, Coach Lisa.)

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What are your best tips for growing bigger ears?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
If you’d (still) like to contribute your tips for growing bigger ears, please email your best listening tips to [email protected].

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
Author/Speaker/That Guy with the Nametag
www.hellomynameisscott.com

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Grow bigger ears

I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you that the art of listening is essential for making a name for yourself. Still, here are my four cents:

1) Listening is not waiting to talk.

2) You have one mouth and two ears. Listen and talk accordingly.

3) “You can’t learn if you’re speaking.” –Alan Weiss

4) A great way to show someone you’re listening is to say, “Wait, I don’t know what that means.”

Thank you.

That is all.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What are your best tips for growing bigger ears?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
I am writing an article called “50 Ways to Grow Bigger Ears.” If you’d like to contribute, please email your best listening tips to [email protected] and I will credit you in my upcoming column. Thanks!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
Author/Speaker/That Guy with the Nametag
www.hellomynameisscott.com

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