Optimize for return on experience

The narratives we construct about ourselves and our circumstances can shape our lives.

These stories can aid us in shifting our mindset to think in healthier and more adaptive ways, and ultimately experience better outcomes.

And the best part is, it’s not about what’s true or false, it’s about what works for us. If we make a conscious shift in our mental perspective, and that becomes the thing that makes us more successful, then who cares if it’s accurate?

As long as we’re not using denial, delusion and dissociation to hurt ourselves, others and the world, then it’s all good.

And it’s interesting, because I’ve heard critics of cognitive behavioral therapy claim that the practices are nothing more than gaslighting yourself. That’s ridiculous. These narratives we construct about our circumstances are not manipulative tactics to undermine our perception of reality and autonomy.

Gaslighting is typically about sowing seeds of down to make someone question their own experience and feelings. Whereas my goal is to challenge my negative or unhelpful thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors; and replace them with more accurate and constructive ones.

Let me share a frameshift that’s been useful to me, specifically around the perception of risk.

Before taking a certain action, I will tell myself a story about how I have nothing to lose. This mantra unhooks me from the dualistic world of wins and losses. By deciding upfront that all potential setbacks or failures are merely stepping stones toward my growth, the risks are suddenly are less catastrophic.

What’s more, this narrative works biologically, since it triggers various cognitive and emotional processes in the brain.

First comes the fear response. The amygdala, the area of the brain associated with threat detection, becomes less activated.

Secondly, there’s an activation of reward centers. The prefrontal cortex, which is the executive functioning area of the brain, grows more active in anticipation of positive outcomes.

And last but not least, there’s a dopamine release. When we frame our experience as having nothing to lose, the neurotransmitter that is associated with pleasure and reward enhances our motivation.

Now, keep in mind, the brain is complex organ, and the exact neural processes associated with my nothing to lose frameshift vary from person to person. But in my experience, this story primes the brain to optimize for return on experience.

Whatever normal fear of rejection, fear or failure, or fear of judgment that I might have, those emotions are redirected in the service of my own development. And as a result, I give myself permission to explore new avenues, embrace change, and seize my potential.