I guess you had to be there

Organizational psychologists have found that our informal, nontask related workplace social interactions matter more than we realize.

Those little moments represent what are called affective events. They’re the emotions and moods that influence job performance and satisfaction. And it is largely through the accumulation of those very events that lead to healthy outcomes of more enduring workplace relationships.

The more affective events we can experience, the more we will improve our mood, gain a sense of happiness and ultimately feel more content at our jobs.

One tool for imprinting these moments into our memories is with the regular creation and communication of inside jokes. Anytime a group of people generates a unique meme, subtext, catchphrase, secret message, callback, piece of jargon, reference point or running gag, that’s only funny to their specific team, it’s a win.

Communities are built on the accumulation of these affective events. They might seem like cryptic allusions and selective triggers to outsiders and newcomers, but that’s the whole point. The power of the inside joke is, most people don’t understand it. Scarcity is what makes it valuable.

Hebrew societies in biblical times called this a shibboleth, which is a custom or tradition, usually a choice of phrasing or even a single word, that distinguishes one group of people from another. They’re essentially passwords. Simple tools of identification to signal loyalty, affinity, closeness and camaraderie. Shibboleths make people feel pleased to be in the loop.

And for those not part of the group yet, learning the inside jokes help accelerate belonging as a gateway for new members to quickly join.

How many do your family, group of friends and work team have? Is there a private vocabulary and expressions that always bring a smile to your faces?

I remember when my parents celebrated their fiftieth anniversary. My brother and I got together and brainstormed all of the inside jokes that were only funny to our family. I’d include them in this writing, but you wouldn’t understand. I know it sounds weird, but it was so funny. I guess you had to be there.

Anyhow, we wrote those items on a five by five bingo card, with every square containing an inside joke, with the exception of the free space in the middle. Then we printed, framed and shipped two copies to our folks. Hands down, one of the best gifts they’d ever received.

We still look at to this day and can’t help but smile.

I recommend that every family, group, team or company make an artifact like this. I’ve done the bingo card exercise several times with different people in various stages of my life, both personally and professionally. And in my experience, here’s why it’s so powerful.

First, the amount of personalization shows a level of thoughtfulness is undeniable. Collecting two dozen memes shows that you have paid attention to the details. You’ve taken the time to celebrate the unique aspects of your group dynamic.

Second, the nostalgia and shared experience bring people closer together. We can reminisce about these cherished memories and foster a deeper connection.

Third, the card with all your group references on it simply fun. There’s no other way to put it. You add an extra layer of joy and amusement to your existence, and it’s appreciated by all.

Finally, there’s a bonding opportunity here that’s priceless. Particularly if you work remotely, or have relatives in different cities. Every time you mark off the squares and call out the jokes, it strengthens the familial bond.

Bingo!