Giving your needs a chair to sit on

Consider the teenage couple in the slasher film.

In the middle of making out, they suddenly hear a sound downstairs and think, ah, it’s probably nothing. Now, where were we?

But as the viewer knows, it’s not just the wind. It’s not all in their heads. That sound is definitely a homicidal maniac with a facemask and bloody machete.

Cue the creepy soundtrack.

Ki ki ki, ma ma ma. Ch ch ch, ah ah ah.

What’s interesting is, most of us have been in this situation before, minus the serial killer. Anytime we deny ourselves help because we feel that our problem isn’t serious enough, the same thing happens.

Except instead of getting impaled by a psychopath, we are the ones who hold the knife. And instead of blunt force trauma to the abdomen, it’s a slow death by a thousand cuts.

And it all goes back to guilt. It’s this judgmental and codependent story we tell ourselves about our own worthiness.

Are you playing this game of competitive suffering? Do you feel guilty for not having earned the life that you’re living right now? Have you ever binged on generosity to compensate for your privileged existence?

It’s a very real thing. Balancing gratitude for self and compassion for others is not for the faint of heart.

But before somebody starts playing the smallest violin in the world, here’s the point. We all have the right to honor our needs, regardless of their size and regardless of who we are. We all need to believe that our struggle is valid. To give weight to what happened and still happens to us.

It’s just like the kids in the slasher flick. When we hear that sound from downstairs, we need trust that something inside of us made us notice it, and further investigation, or in some cases, getting the hell out of the house right now, might save our lives in the long run.

Remember, we do ourselves a disservice by feeling guilty about our needs.

Ask yourself what you’ve been guiltily denying yourself, and then go do it.

It won’t protect you from any homicidal maniacs, but it will help you stop shaming yourself out of neediness. 

Ki ki ki, ma ma ma.

Do you practice healthy selfishness by taking care of yourself without guilt or blame?


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Author. Speaker. Strategist. Songwriter. Filmmaker. Inventor. Gameshow Host. World Record Holder. I also wear a nametag 24-7. Even to bed.
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