Blog

Ellis, the founder of rational emotive behavior therapy, explains that the mundane encounters which we all experience each day constitute unpleasant, even stressful, events. And the ubiquity of these events, he writes, may make them even more potent contributors to the stress of modern life than has previously been assumed.  All the more reason to take greater agency over joy. To bring as much perceptible lightness to the otherwise…

Our culture has a severe addiction to a family of dangerous ideas, each of which has a slightly different species.  Here they are, in no special order.  Clarity, closure, certainty, consistency, consensus, control, cleanness and completeness.  Clarity means everything has to be plainly seen and understood.  Closure means everything has to be wrapped up in a tidy bow.  Certainty means everything is guaranteed with zero probabilities to contend with. …

Animated movies are a staple of modern day cinema.  They are perhaps the most important genre in the film industry.  And not only in terms of box office gross and franchise success. But also their contribution to our cultural heritage, their ability to articulate mythology and their way of communicating meaningful messages to audiences of worldwide.  What’s fascinating is, after you watch a few hundred of these animated movies,…

Addiction psychologists famously researched hundreds of case studies from various family members of workaholics.   One cool theme in their final profile was that spouses viewed their relationship as serious and intense with a minimum of carefree time and fun, and children believed their workaholic parents took work too seriously and lacked a sense of humor.   Does that sound like somebody you know?   Hell, it could be any one of us. …

Within the interpersonal realm, surrender is the willingness to leave our position to join the other.  To make the empathetic leap and see things from somebody else’s perspective.  But in the intrapersonal realm, meaning, that which goes on exclusively within our own minds and hearts, surrendering means something different. It’s the willingness to leave our ego and join the only reality there is.  And make no mistake, this is…

Age and ambition have a complicated relationship.  There are certain people who, as they get older, will stop dreaming, period.  Others will put their dreams in a box so they never spoil.  While others will actively kill their dreams out of fear or guilt.  And my personal favorite, the people who do dream big, but have literally zero intention of ever even beginning to lay the groundwork for making…

People leave your life sometimes.  Not by dying, necessarily. They just go away. And it isn’t a thing you can control or predict. All you can do is react. Reminds me of my favorite coming of age movie. Gordy says of his two best friends from middle school: As time went on, we saw less and less of each other, until eventually we became just two more faces in the…

Shawshank is my favorite movie of all time. It was a film about institutionalizing people.  Not only physically within the walls of the jail, but also mentally and emotionally and psychologically. Inside their own heads and hearts.  Brooks, the elderly prison librarian, finally finds out that his parole is up after fifty years. But his first response is to grab a fellow inmate in a chokehold and put a…

Cults are scary because they suck you in, but also because they don’t let you leave.  There is simply too much psychological pressure.  Members can’t just come and go as they please. People are strongly encouraged, and often times physically forced, to be committed and obey the rigid rules of conduct.  It’s like that aggressive store owner who doesn’t let you leave without buying something. Or when you go…

Seneca once wrote that the greatest peril of misplaced worry is that in keeping us constantly tensed against an imagined catastrophe, it prevents us from fully living.  Perhaps it’s time we found a better place for that worry.  To make the mental railroad switch, so to speak.  Because even though it’s toxic energy, it’s still energy. Which means it can be channeled in a productive manner.  Ellis tells his patients to…