Blog

One beautiful feature of adulthood is that we can make intentional choices about important things like tempo, rhythm, cadence, pace, velocity and trajectory. Instead of being snagged and troubled by the whirlpools of other people’s emotions and agendas, we can be the ones who dictate our sense of balance, proportion and efficiency. Our life becomes what we decide to make of it. We are responsible for its dispersion. Pilates,…

Did you ever fail a test in school, even when you studied for weeks and knew the material cold and got plenty of sleep the night before and ate a good breakfast the morning of? It might not have been a competence issue. Leary’s groundbreaking research dubbed this the curse of the self. He explained that one of the reasons some students often perform poorly on tests is not…

Anyone can be fast and strong. The real question is, how do you give other people speed and power? How are you adding energy to the system in a way that builds momentum? This is one of the most understated forms of generosity on the planet. In a team environment, when you can find a way to earn a reputation as the person whose work enables and elevates everyone…

People with high emotional intelligence know how to manage their emotions. They can see when they are thinking negatively and head it off at the pass, rather than allow it to toxify the environment and make people not want to be around them. They know how to accept reality and respond to what occurs, rather than complaining about it and letting negativity eclipse their ability to see all of…

The beautiful thing about interacting with animals is, you know exactly when they like you. The indicators of interest are always honest and often instantaneous. They will hold eye contact, lean against you, wag their tails, lift their eyebrows, lick your face, smile at you, purr loudly, follow you around, hang out by your desk, play games with you, seek your affection, or simply relax in your presence. It…

Once my coworker accidentally boarded the wrong subway, fell asleep in her seat and ended up on the other side of the city. She messaged the team feeling embarrassed and calling herself useless for running late. Immediately, we all agreed that it was a rite of passage, as it happens to everybody. Congratulations on being an official urbanite, we joked. This event was a reminder that setting boundaries, at…

The common denominator in all of our problems is us. External factors may play a small part in our dissatisfaction, but most of the time, the call is coming from inside the house. Whatever we are blaming is merely the symptom, not the source. It’s like my coworker who complains ad nauseam about the dating scene in this city. After several years without meeting someone special, he is convinced…

When people we love don’t return our calls, it triggers a host of complicated emotions. There’s fear, where we wonder if they’re okay and hope that nothing bad has happened to them. There’s dissatisfaction, since the expectation in the social contract of all human relationships is communicating. There’s guilt, as we start worrying what we might have done or said to push them away. There’s apathy, where we just…

Setting boundaries doesn’t always have to be some big, sweeping, grandiose, philosophical proclamation about the limits of our integrity. It can be as small and simple as not picking up the phone after a certain hour at night. Or choosing to go to bed early when the rest of the group is still up partying. Or not checking email within an hour of waking up. Or not engaging with…

Years ago, one of our new employees told us that he didn’t feel welcomed during his first week at our company. Despite his office orientation and a few friendly faces checking in to see how he was carrying on, most of the team was heads down in their typical day to day, and he was feeling disconnected from the group. This tension is common at organizations. It’s personally happened…