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Here’s the best advice nobody ever gave me.  Learn not to panic over simple misfortune. Know that one trying incident doesn’t have to ruin the whole day. Don’t assume that an obstacle in one area means a setback everywhere. Trust that your ultimate contentment doesn’t depend on having things work out your way.  Never allow the mean part of your brain to turn every little problem into a catastrophe. Practice living with all…

Each of us clings to a dopey little identity that gives us some kind of certainty.  It’s one of the many things that separate us from the animal kingdom.  But the joke’s on us. Because it’s just a concept. A costume that we put it on or take it off whenever we want.  I remember reading this passage from a fascinating book about sex addiction recovery that said it best.  Identity…

Codependence sells, but we don’t have to buy.  With the help of a simple seven word sentence, we stand up for our boundaries proactively and prolifically.  Instead of slavishly catering to anyone who will notice us, we simply say, excuse me, I need to leave now.  Instead of feeling guilty unless we say yes to everything that everyone expects of us, we simply say, excuse me, I need to…

There are few rituals as physically satisfying, spiritually cleansing and emotionally liberating as getting rid of a bunch of stuff.  It’s pure catharsis. There’s simply nothing better than purging from your life piles and bags and stacks of things that are old and broken and gross and useless and frankly, unnecessary.  And what’s interesting is, as the objects are excised, so are the emotions attached to them.  Like the things…

What was necessary for us yesterday may not be what we need today.  And that’s a good thing.  In the same way that all love is saying yes to something, all change is saying goodbye to something. Letting go of an old belief, fear, story, self, identity, history or whatever else no longer serves us. And finding value in our defects to the extent that we use them as…

Here are a few realizations that feel as soothing as peanut butter covered velvet.  There is no magic day when we will be normal.  There is no distant future when everything will be wonderful.  There is no need to flatten out all of our rough spots and imperfections into a nice smooth surface. There is no point in waiting for a chance event to suddenly make everything better.  And,…

Any time spent growing spiritually is sacred.  Any day we expand our emotional range is a victory.  Any bout of healing leads us closer to the life we really want. Anything that helps us get to know ourselves better is never a waste of time.  We always come out stronger on the other side.  Hancock, the great innovator of modern jazz, recently wrote an open letter to the next generation of…

If you set a boundary with someone and they shame you for it, you need to set an even bigger boundary.  By removing them from your life.  It’s time to give your love to the one who needs it most, you.  Even if you feel the sudden pang of the fear of missing out, stick a stake in the ground anyway. You have an obligation to yourself.  I was…

I once heard a psychotherapist offer a brilliant piece of advice for connecting with people who are suffering from depression, anxiety or any other battle inside the mind.  Instead of hitting people over the head with your brilliant insight, do everything in your power to let them know you’re not afraid of them. That’s fierce intimacy. Letting them know that their suffering is not a contagious disease you’re going…

Each of us must grow more discriminating about what our capacity is.  Without that boundary, we wind up exaggerating our real capabilities to please others.  I’m reminded of something my boss said during a team meeting: “It’s not a weakness to say there’s too much on your plate. You won’t get yelled at or get in trouble for saying, sorry guys, but I just don’t have the bandwidth to…