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I didn’t change, you just never knew me
We may exquisitely execute a series of finite and discrete changes, like how we look, what we say, how we say it and whom we say it to. But unless we engineer a holistic shift in our psychic center of gravity that integrates into every area of our lives, we haven’t truly transformed. Wilber’s critically acclaimed book on the evolution of human consciousness explains the difference: Translation is a change in surface…
Becoming more deeply useful to the people closest to me
Emerson said that if we make ourselves necessary to the world, mankind will give us bread. Sounds like a fair exchange. Here’s how we can put it into action. The first step is believing that each of us has a special talent that is unique and essential to the whole of humanity. Which is not an insignificant story to tell ourselves. Believing that mattering is our choice is surprisingly underrated. …
The kinds of waves that make ships disappear
Too many of our career aspirations center around size and speed. Consider the language we use in reference to our professional endeavors. Opening big, going viral, taking off, making a splash, hitting the ground running and taking the world by storm, it seems that we all want immediate success with minimal effort. Like that scene in the greatest children’s movie of all time. Veruca, the spoiled brat from across the pond,…
Proud of having our own feelings about the world
As men, we are trained from an early age that silence is manly. That no matter how sad we are or how much pain is coursing through our veins, it’s our job to sit there stoically and bleed all over our clothes. Masters wrote an insightful book on masculine power and fulfillment that summarized this gender trend perfectly. Men overvalue performance and the appearance of having it together. That’s…
The practical is never as heavenly as the ideal
Godin once said that sooner or later, many idealists transform themselves into disheartened realists who mistakenly believe that giving up is the same thing as being realistic. To prevent this from happening, it’s about understanding the balance. Several examples from my experiences as an idealist come to mind. 1. Allowing the little lamp of idealism to still burn, but not letting it enflame and engulf us. 2. Seeing things as…
Put a priority on speaking your microscopic truth
The surprising thing about vulnerability is, people don’t go away when they find out who we are. It’s quite the opposite. Instead of rejecting or abandoning us, they come nearer. Our truth draws them in like a warm fire. And our tender but universal intimacies become a platform for deep connection. Train has a great song about this universal emotional experience. These bruises make for better conversation, loses the…
A way of living that supports and revitalizes us
Debotton’s philosophy research makes the crucial distinction between desire and need. A desire is whatever you feel you want at the moment, but a need is for something that serves your long term wellbeing. For example, our desire might be to consume our entire body weight in buffalo wings, but our need is to feel nourished. Our need is to create a foundation that sustains and supports and strengthens us in…
Gathering evidence of our own inadequacy
Hell isn’t other people, hell is comparing ourselves to them. Any time we assign magical qualities to others, allow ourselves to become over impressed by people’s successes and idealize those who likely share the same mixed bag of strengths and weaknesses that we have, that’s hell. Any time we use other people to gather evidence of our own inadequacy, shame ourselves for failing to meet their values and vandalize…
When we begin to sense what letting go means
Humans love to create emergencies for themselves. It’s what helps make us feel big and important and dramatic. But in a world where most people are trapped in the frantic scramble for position, prestige, profit and power, frankly, there’s nothing more soothing than encountering someone whose inner calm you can literally feel. Everyone has someone like this in their lives. People who have settled down and found a measure…
Swimming upstream against a tide of cynicism
And now for my favorite new joke: How many optimists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Who says it’s dark? If you didn’t laugh at that, then you’re not an optimist. And that’s okay. Because being optimist comes with an inherent blind spot. You’re so optimistic that you believe everyone else is optimistic too. But sadly, not everyone you meet elects and adopts your attitude. Not…
