We see what we need to see

My nametag has become my social filter.

It’s the central lever that instantly puts a social magnifying glass on any situation.

Show me your reaction to a sticker, and I’ll show you who you are.

It’s almost like an inkblot test. A shortcut to understanding. Based on how someone responds to my nametag, I know everything I need to know about them.

Here’s a sampling of responses somebody might give.

Scott, do you have a memory problem or something? That means they’re playful.

Scott, you know you’re still wearing your nametag, right? That means they love rules.

Scott, how’s it going man? That means they’re friendly and enjoy meeting new people.

Scott, you’re still wearing your nametag, so let me just rip that off for you. That means they lack personal boundaries and potentially have obsessive compulsive disorder. Plus, they’re assholes.

Now, if these conclusions sound like a form of judgmental or black and white thinking, you’re right. That’s exactly what they are.

Because when it comes to our interactions with other humans, our intuition sends us important messages that our conscious awareness might not catch. It doesn’t mean we’re always right, but thinking in absolutes can often be quite useful. Absolutes can become the constraints that help you understand where you stand with people.

That’s the beauty of the finite world. There’s no room for excuses.

Seinfeld once said that he could tell everything about someone based on two things. How they drive cars and how they drink coffee.

It sounds like a joke, but it’s also a useful shortcut in sizing people up.

Look, we encounter hundreds of people every day, and we rarely have time to run a complete analysis. That’s why it’s helpful to have our own mini inkblot test. Some small, repeatable and portable filter that helps is make sense of the people we meet quickly and accurately.

My theory is, everyone has their own version of this. One writer friend of mine is visually impaired, and he tells me that the way his service dog behaves with any potential clients tells him whether he should trust those people. If the dog growls, he says, then it usually doesn’t work together. Pretty crazy, huh?

Another friend of mine says that whatever people eat for lunch at work tells you everything you need to know about them. That’s his filter, and it’s fascinating to hear the conclusions he makes because of it.

They’re usually spot on.

For example, nothing brings me more joy at lunch than sprinkling cheese puffs as a garnish on my salad. The first time my coworker saw me do that, he high fived me and said three words that made me feel loved and seen. There he is.

In a complicated, unpredictable world, all of us can use whatever shortcuts to understanding we can find.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What’s magnifying glass do you put onto social situations to help you understand the world better?