The tension between alienation and assimilation

November 23, 2018 12:39 PM

It’s true that each of us must figure out how we’d like to enforce our limits.

But the irony is, even boundaries need boundaries. Because if we get carried away building walls around ourselves, we end up in a janitor’s closet of our own making.

If we stubbornly draw too many lines around our lives, before we know it, the rising tides of alienation will carry us straight out into the abyss.

Wilde once said, everything in moderation, including moderation.

This is exactly what he was talking about. The limits of our limits.

And so, our challenge is erring on the side of someone who calmly states their needs and sets healthy boundaries; as opposed to someone who is a defensive, obstructionist, isolationist, pusher awayer of people.

Because extremes in anything accomplish nothing. And it is our stubbornness that keeps us lonely.

But it’s different for each of us. If we truly want to live in a more connected world, we all have to get under a microscope and figure out what is keeping us small, isolated and hidden.

Mellody’s brilliant book about identifying codependent thinking was instrumental in my growth around extreme boundaries. She wrote that the sad thing about walls is that although they give us solid protection, they do not allow for intimacy and leave us even lonelier.

A nice reminder that we can use almost anything to alienate ourselves. And so, we must introduce balance so we don’t swing wildly from one extreme to another. We must not to let walls be the only means by which we connect with others.

And we must remember that most people don’t bite. Unless we ask them to.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…