Missing the point doesn’t have to become a national pastime

Aristotle was the first philosopher to systematize logical errors into a handy list.

He referred to them as the thirteen fallacies, one of which is called the irrelevant conclusion.

It’s when an argument is given, from which a perfectly valid, sound conclusion could be drawn, but despite having all the information, people come to a conclusion so wrong that it’s even further from correct.

Movies and television portray these moments all the time. Characters dramatically or comedically miss the point of things for a variety of reasons, maybe because they’re dense, stubborn, stupid, delusional, naïve, lacking context and overly emotional.

Zoolander is the shining example. He asks his mentor why male models are being targeted for criminal activity. To which he locally replies:

Think about it. Male models are genetically constructed to become assassins. They’re in peak physical condition. They can gain entry to the most secure places in the world. Most important of all, models don’t think for themselves. They do as they’re told. Just think about any photo shoot you’ve ever been on. You’re a monkey. Dance, monkey, in your little spangly shoes! Mash your cymbals, chimpy! Dance!

The fashion icon stares at his hero and says:

Yeah, but why male models?

It’s my favorite missing the point gag. Whatever idea needed fertile soil to grow, that seed found no purchase inside that beautiful idiot’s head. The message was lost on him.

This fallacy is also one of my deepest infuriations about the human experience. As a species, we have an amazing capacity for missing the point, myself include. And to me, it all goes back to a failure of empathy and presence.

First, the reason we come to irrelevant conclusions is because we aren’t investing any attention and intention in understanding how other people experience themselves. We just assume everyone thinks the same way we do and is motivated by the same thing we are.

Big mistake. There are no four styles or seven archetypes or nine categories of human beings. Each individual rests at the nexus of a vast number of interwoven causes and conditions that influence their behavior.

And part of the work of being mature adults is setting aside our own biases to learn how other people might be processing that experience. It takes real effort to understand and participate in this enormous arc of life that informs each of us, and anytime someone misses the point, it’s probably because they haven’t made that empathetic leap.

The second reason people come to irrelevant conclusions is because they have completely lost their ability to be present. Midway through the conversation, their attention deficit disorder kicks in and they disappear into their own heads to start obsessing about their little world.

Or they whip out their phone like a pacifier and start checking email while doing eighty on the freeway. And whatever message you were attempting to share with them, fades away like a fart in the wind.

No presence.

What ever happened to the lost art of sitting across from someone, breathing in and out together, looking them in the eye and allowing that moment, that person, that idea or that situation to change you?

It’s awfully hard to miss the point when you’re listening with your whole body like that.

Next time you find yourself coming to an irrelevant conclusion, infuriating someone beyond belief, think about how a lack of empathy and presence might be affecting your exchange.

Missing the point doesn’t have to become a national pastime.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What infuriates you most about the human experience?