Having an agenda of your own that pleases you

Our basic human needs can disgust or even insult us sometimes.

The fact that our body needs to sleep for twelve hours straight, that our spirit needs stay in bed all weekend, or that our mind needs to go jogging in the rain until all the anger is purged out of our system, it can feel like a burden. To ourselves and to loved ones.

But a critical component of maturing and healing is learning to tolerate our own neediness. Accepting the fact that there are certain things we simply must do to take care of our ourselves, lest we go insane.

Unfortunately, this means we can no longer organize our life so that it is good enough for everyone else.

If you are a codependent, that can be very difficult to stomach. Which means you need to stay strong.

Tian’s book about forgiveness has a beautiful reminder about this:

Make decisions about how you want to lead your day. Having an agenda of your own that pleases you is a good thing, because without your own plan, you will lose a sense of self.

Not that we’re completely inflexible with our routines. We still have to maintain a sense of other, since we’re not the only people on this planet.

But the bottom line is, we have to act in a way that makes it easier for us to live with ourselves, as that makes it easier for others to live with us too. And as long as we can learn to meet our needs in constructive and not destructive ways, it’s all good.

Besides, what’s the alternative? Living somebody else’s life? Spending our precious energy speculating about other people’s needs and how they compare with ours?

No, our job is to become less dependent on others to satisfy our needs for fulfillment. To reduce our dependency on foreign oil, so to speak.

Because there’s nothing worse than watching our life depend on someone else’s lack of understanding of our needs.

If you want to be kind to yourself, accept that you have needs, and find creative and healthy ways to meet them.

Even if people think you’re crazy. 

Will you be vulnerable enough to state your needs to yourself and others?


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Author. Speaker. Strategist. Songwriter. Filmmaker. Inventor. Gameshow Host. World Record Holder. I also wear a nametag 24-7. Even to bed.
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