Entering the world of color

When we start using words like always and never, that means our brain is messing with us.

Even if it is comforting in the moment to have something black and white to hang our hats on, engaging in these all or nothing, now or never demands often make things worse, not better.

Phycologists call it dichotomous thinking or cognitive distortions. And the danger is, our overreactions in response to extreme feelings can often lead to behaving impulsively.

Like if we convince ourselves that our depression is so severe that we’re never going to feel normal again, we may play doctor and up the dosage on our prescription without proper medical supervision. Been there before.

Or if we tell ourselves that all the good ones are either gay or married, then our vacillating pattern of extreme thinking will shut off our radar to potential partners with whom we could be deeply fulfilled. Been there before too.

Vanderkolk explains it eloquently in his book about healing from trauma:

People can only enter the world of color by learning to distinguish and appreciate shades of gray. One strategy is noticing our black and white thoughts, spotting words like always, never, everyone, nobody, forever, and so on, and gently contesting them. Asking ourselves questions like. Is there evidence that supports your thought? Are you considering all angles, or are you leaving things out? Could this assumption be challenged by someone else? Whom do you care about that might not see it this way? Whom are you being unfair in making this opinion?

This type of inner dialogue takes tons of practice and even more kindness. But it does work. There’s profound value in reminding ourselves that nothing in this life is either completely disastrous or absolutely wonderful. That everything falls somewhere in the middle.

Over time, we will get out of the habit of reducing a whole continuum of possibilities down to the two most extreme options and start thinking more balanced thoughts

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
How might your brain be playing tricks on you right now?