People are highly motivated by finding out that it’s not their fault.
We love looking for something external to blame for everything that’s wrong in our lives.
My mid to late twenties was a period of my life symptomized by bloating, abdominal pains and host of other gastrointestinal delights.
But of course, these issues had nothing to do with the fact that I was a workaholic codependent love addict trapped in a toxic relationship.
No, they clearly stemmed from a dairy intolerance. Better go vegan. That’ll solve everything.
Wrong. Cows weren’t the problem, cowardice was. The reason my guts were tied into knots had nothing to do with eating cheese and everything to do with my inability to notice, take responsibility for, and work through my own emotional issues.
But that’s what human beings do. We cling to whatever blame we can find and use to make sense of the story of our lives. And we mount an evidence campaign about why everyone around us is a delusional asshole who can’t see how special we are.
Gibbard’s song lyric comes to mind:
I feel I must interject here; you’re getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself with these revisions and gaps in history. So let me help you remember, I’ve made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear, I’ve prepared a lecture on why I have to leave.
Here’s another example. We receive negative feedback from the boss on our performance. But instead of internalizing the criticism, owning our role in the problem and creating a plan to improve, we goes online seeking negative reviews from past employees that confirm our suspicion about what a crappy place to work that company really is.
Once again, picking up the blame thrower. Motivated by finding out that it’s not our fault.
Condemning the process, people or the place as the sole perpetrator of our discomforts.
LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Are you wasting your energy blaming, or investing your energy repairing the damage?
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That Guy with the Nametag
Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.
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