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If you’ve ever used one of those rickety old hair dryers, ceiling fans, hand mixers or air conditionings, it sometimes seems like they only have two settings.   Standing still and going full blast.   Which is somewhat annoying but perfectly acceptable for a household appliance. We don’t expect a ton of grey areas with that stuff.   But when it comes to the human being, having only two modes is potentially…

Ellis writes in his book on reacting to antagonists: People and things do not actually push our buttons. We push our own buttons. And we can learn not to push them. But before we do so, we accept that people are not actually driving us crazy, rather, we are driving ourselves crazy when they do it. And only when we take extreme ownership of our own reactions can we maintain inner…

My friend once introduced me to one of her coworkers.  When the she learned about my daily practice of wearing a nametag, her immediate response was this: Aren’t you afraid of getting kidnapped?  Now there’s a strange thing to say to someone. Guess it never really occurred to me.  But now that she mentions it, wearing a nametag every day could be potentially dangerous. In fact, multiple publications and…

Opinions are no longer a dime a dozen.  Thanks to the amplification of tribal behavior through modern technology, opinions now cost much more than a dime. Hell, we can’t even afford to have them anymore. The social cost is simply too high.  Particularly if our opinions are unpopular and controversial. Anything we say can and will be used against us. Even the very act of expressing my opinion about…

Here’s the best part about the ocean.  When you get into the water, you can’t make anything happen. All you can do is adjust to what the ocean is already doing.  That’s what happens when you’re at the mercy of a force much larger than your fragile little bag of bones. Humility is instilled into you, whether you like it or not.  Hamilton, the pioneer of big wave surfing,…

Autonomy, or the ability to make choices according to our own free will, is a core psychological need.  We all want to be the author of our own script. We all want to freely choose things in our life without being overly controlled. Research even shows that there is a direct relationship between job autonomy and greater work satisfaction.  But careful what you wish for. Once we find ourselves in…

Ellis, the founder of rational emotive behavior therapy, explains that the mundane encounters which we all experience each day constitute unpleasant, even stressful, events. And the ubiquity of these events, he writes, may make them even more potent contributors to the stress of modern life than has previously been assumed.  All the more reason to take greater agency over joy. To bring as much perceptible lightness to the otherwise…

Our culture has a severe addiction to a family of dangerous ideas, each of which has a slightly different species.  Here they are, in no special order.  Clarity, closure, certainty, consistency, consensus, control, cleanness and completeness.  Clarity means everything has to be plainly seen and understood.  Closure means everything has to be wrapped up in a tidy bow.  Certainty means everything is guaranteed with zero probabilities to contend with. …

Animated movies are a staple of modern day cinema.  They are perhaps the most important genre in the film industry.  And not only in terms of box office gross and franchise success. But also their contribution to our cultural heritage, their ability to articulate mythology and their way of communicating meaningful messages to audiences of worldwide.  What’s fascinating is, after you watch a few hundred of these animated movies,…

Addiction psychologists famously researched hundreds of case studies from various family members of workaholics.   One cool theme in their final profile was that spouses viewed their relationship as serious and intense with a minimum of carefree time and fun, and children believed their workaholic parents took work too seriously and lacked a sense of humor.   Does that sound like somebody you know?   Hell, it could be any one of us. …