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Skilled at finding unfriendly forces to blame
Isn’t it amazing how it’s always the other person who’s being difficult? The disillusionment of love is always blamed on the other. We’re never the crazy ones. Psychologists researched an interesting phenomenon called the actor observer bias, where people tend to attribute their own behavior to their circumstances, but attribute other people’s behaviors to their dispositions. When somebody else does it, it’s their fault, but when you do it,…
Making an investment in our future peacefulness
It’s amazing, people will go to the end of the earth to protect their money, their possessions, their property and their loved ones. But when it comes to the assets of their time and attention, they’re about as protected as a screen door in a windstorm. That’s why so many people feel whipped back and forth wherever the force of life directs them. They have no boundaries. What’s more,…
It wasn’t your fault, you just didn’t know who you were
The basic tool for setting boundaries is acquiring more knowledge of self. That critical foundation of information goes a long way in setting limits on your physical, mental and emotional world. Just think back to all the times you were taken advantage of when you were young. It wasn’t your fault, you just didn’t know who you were. Happens to the best of us. But let’s consider the implications…
Why are we starving while he prints money?
There’s a fascinating term in public relations called advertising value equivalency. It supposedly measures the benefit to a brand a from the media coverage of a campaign. You simply take the size of the coverage gained and its placement, and then calculate what the equivalent amount of space, if paid for as advertising, would cost. Not surprisingly, there have been many criticisms about this metric over the years. Academics and…
Not making life more difficult than it needs to be
Pressure is a choice. If we complain that life is crazy and we’re stuck in the weeds and we’re feeling so far behind in everything, that’s on us. I’ts nobody else’s fault that we’re bogged down. Pressure is an elected attitude. And yet, we act as if the fear of missing out is some disease we catch like the common cold. But it’s really just a self inflicted wound….
Surviving happily in spite of our frustrations
Few things in this world cause more emotional and existential distress than the thoughts we think. It’s our biological inheritance, for better or for worse. And if we have any intention of living fulfilled and flourishing life, then we are obliged to learn how to orient ourselves around these thoughts. To do so, it’s helpful to view those responses on a continuum. We introduce calm by having an awareness…
Where there is one, there is a ton
Why couldn’t it have been me? We have all asked that question before. It’s the broken record that envy keeps spinning inside our heads. Because apparently, the conditions of our happiness have not been met. We are seeing the difference between life as it is, and how much better it could be. And we’re simply not having it. But the problem with envy, contrary to our puritanical origins, is…
The shield of the scoundrel and the weapon of the adventurous
One of the claims of my nametag manifesto is the end of incivility. If everybody wears nametags, we are instantly and consistently accountable. We lack constant invitations for selfish behavior. There’s less incentive to get away with bad behavior, because there are always people watching to positively modify our behavior through healthy doses of social pressure. It’s actually one of the reasons lying is so hard for me. Not…
We will surely get eaten, beaten or starve
Divine discontent is part of our biological endowment. According to evolutionary theory, dissatisfaction has survival value. The endless treadmill of the human mind has hardwired biological pressures to always be on the lookout for the bigger better deal. Because without that motivational drive for perpetual bliss, we will surely get eaten, beaten or starve. Just look back at our earliest ancestors. Those who attained perfect contentment were typically left…
The more we do, the more we understand what doing means
When something doesn’t work the first time, we are tempted to globalize our disappointment. Sometimes we define the task as impossible and just give up. Sometimes we define the idea as impractical and switch gears to something more proven and safe. Sometimes we turn inward and define ourselves as incompetent. But whatever our response is to that initial failure, the result is the same. It becomes harder and harder…
