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In the harsh light of hindsight, it’s tempting to curse and kick and berate ourselves for being so naïve.  What the hell was I thinking? How could I have been so spectacularly blind?  Of course, these kinds of questions only imprison us in our embittered histories.  When the reality is, the past is not a problem to be solved, it’s a book to be read. A series of lessons…

Compulsive behaviors initially are about stopping the pain.  But they only create more.  Like reaching for an unhealthy coping mechanism during times of great stress. It’s rarely necessary, often expensive and almost never what we really need to get better. Most of time, it just keeps us stuck in a cloudy fog of denial.  And in my case, a set of orange fingers from my favorite savory snack.  The…

Seinfeld was once asked what the secret to show business success was.  He said the difference maker was hunger. It’s who wants it more.  Of course, that’s also the great paradox of life. We can mess up something because we want it too much. By overextending ourselves to make something happen, we actually stop it from happening.  There’s a balance. Loving the labor, but not living for the fruit….

Bristling with impatience, we constantly ask ourselves: How long is this going to take?  And without fail, the answer is always the same. Longer than we’d like. The lesson, then, is to stop trying to gain a clear perspective before it’s time. To stop refusing to tolerate the way we progress. And to stop being in such a hurry to move on.  Let the pearl sink, as my therapist…

Rogers hypothesized that the realization of the self was a process.  In his most popular book, which helped pioneer the humanistic psychology movement, he wrote the following.  Accept yourself as a stream of becoming, not a finished product. A person is a fluid process, not a fixed and static entity; a flowing river of change, not a block of solid material; a continually changing constellation of potentialities, not a…

To satisfy our fanatical need for control, we try to force life’s events to unravel and unfold in the manner and time that we designated.  It’s like some kind of jedi mind trick.  Our brains start tossing and turning, crashing and burning, around and around on an endless carousel of compulsive and anxious thoughts, because it make us feel like we’re actually doing something to solve our problems.  We’re…

The biggest emotional red flag is when we think to ourselves: I shouldn’t be feeling this.  It’s the absence of true acceptance. Refusing to give ourselves permission to value our real desires.  Like a child holding his breath as a physical tool of denial for reality.  The goal is to hold ourselves in a more gentle, kind and compassionate way. Which that means we have to abandon expectations about…

Multiple choice problems on standardized tests often present more information than the student actually needs to solve it.  This is not an accident. Testing companies structure exams this way to teach kids how to read problems carefully for all the instructions, key words and hidden clues.  It challenges them to discern relevant information and not disregard anything essential to solving the equation.  However, about four percent of the time,…

Take a moment to find A whole new world is waiting for you this time How bright your wings are With the demands of the head The needs of the wrist And the longing of the heart Whisper worry into my ears Joy follows like a shadow Throw away the empty cobwebs of this goal How bright your wings are With the demands of the head The needs of…

There’s a brilliant documentary that chronicles the hundred year history of propaganda.  How those in power used psychoanalysis to control the dangerous crowd in a age of mass democracy.  In the first act of the movie, there’s a fascinating story about the first president who embraced propaganda. Hoover, standing at the precipice of our nation’s lowest point, articulated the idea that consumerism would become the central motor of our nation’s livelihood. …