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The needier we are, the more we set ourselves up for rejection
Because of my codependent, workaholic, love addicted personality, I’ve always had the tendency to do this: Fall in love very easily and too quickly, smother people within an inch of their lives, and then chase after the ones who reject me and try desperately to change their minds. It’s that earnest but unhealthy and overwhelming form of passion that involves persistence at all costs, where the relationship controls me…
The burning bush never stopped burning
I once read a fascinating sermon about the burning bush. The pastor proposed that the fire wasn’t the divine suddenly showing up in the middle of the desert. The spirit was there the whole time. Moses simply wasn’t aware of it. Maybe he assumed that he knew the land like the back of his hand. Or maybe he was in too much of a hurry to notice the flame. Or maybe…
What happened to me wasn’t bad enough
Wherever we go, we take everything we’re made of. All the things that happened in our life are a part of us, and we carry them with us into the future, whether we want to or not. Even the bad stuff. Especially the bad stuff. And in fact, if we’ve convinced ourselves that we’re just average people with typical experiences and the things that happened to us weren’t bad…
Translated the pain of our loneliness into a deeper dimension
Cameron’s uplifting book of prayers to the great creator tells us that all sense of loneliness is a forgetting. Forgetting that we are part of life. Forgetting that life is a part of us. Forgetting that we’re never alone in this world unless we want to be. And until we remember that we do belong and we are loved and we have connection and community, loneliness will continue to visit us and try to take up residence…
The medieval knight who saves the day with his sword
Aren’t you just a little worn out from believing you have to control everything? Doesn’t it feel better knowing that you don’t have to save the world? And don’t you realize that you don’t have to do all that for people to love you? Our answer was a full body yes. And it was magnificent. Because once we’re released from the painful chore of being responsible for the world…
Choose not to run the wheels off it
Watterson’s final comic strip before he retired as one of the world’s most successful and beloved cartoonists makes me cry every single time. Calvin says to his trusted feline friend: Wow, it really snowed last night. Isn’t it wonderful? Everything familiar has disappeared. The world looks brand new. It’s a new season with a fresh, clean start. Like having a big white sheet of paper to draw on. A day of…
Convert mistakes into lessons and lessons into habits
The greatest motivator for starting new habits is public embarrassment. The experience creates just enough guilt and fear and humiliation to positively change our behavior for good. When my boss chewed me out for overlooking a very obvious spelling error on an important client facing document, all of the blood drained from my face and a wave of humiliation flew threw me. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Excuse me while I go…
The battle is that there isn’t one
Olgivy’s bestselling book on advertising makes an inspiring point about successful client service. Fight for the kings and queens, but throw away the pawns. The habit of graceful surrender on trivial issues will make you difficult to resist when you stand and fight on a major issue. It’s also useful advice in any of our relationships. Because while conflict does help define what needs attention in our lives, we can also avoid…
All initiative, no permission
Beck’s influential book on spiral integration dissects something called entrepreneurial intelligence. After interviewing thousands of chief executive officers and managing directors from around the word, here’s what the characteristics were. Entrepreneurial intelligence is the impulse to start something new, to peer into the future, a fierce determination to succeed, a penchant for high risk, a creative resourcefulness and the ego to stand alone and cut your own pathways. In a word, initiation….
We’re a band of pirates on a shared ship
The scariest part about getting married is the prospect of sharing. Because that’s what happens when couples change their pronouns. They share. Their whole lives, in fact. Everything from information to experiences to sorrows to joys to finances to the plate of brussell sprouts. And it’s hard. Sharing is counterintuitive to the very way our species is wired. Csikszentmihalyi’s brilliant book about the evolving self explained it best: Humans are bundles…