Your television is killing your sex life

One of my friends has an interesting family boundary.

No phone calls with mom at the house.

Turns out, his mother is an alcoholic and very difficult to engage with, so that’s the rule he made for himself.

She doesn’t even know about it, nor does she mind, apparently. It’s nothing dramatic, unkind or vindictive. This boundary comes from a place of love.

For my friend, his home is a sacred space for he and his family. They don’t want any toxic energy introduced into it.

And so, he calls his mother from the office, in the car, or while he’s out for a walk.

Such a simple, powerful solution.

What’s your best boundary setting technique for your space?

If you don’t have any yet for your house, office, man cave, she shed, or other sacred space, here’s how you might think about it.

First, all sacred spaces have one thing in common.

They’re generative. Meaning, whatever energy you put into it, multiplies exponentially. And so, if there is some level of toxicity, either from a person, a device or something else, stay aware of that.

To protect the space, don’t let people or things in where they don’t belong. Nip that intrusion in the bud, otherwise it will slowly take over like an invasive species.

Reminds me of that famous paper that examined the association between television ownership and sex frequency. Using data from nearly four million individuals in national household surveys in eighty countries, the results suggest that while television may not kill your sex life, it is associated with some sex life morbidity.

Scientists found that a couple’s television ownership is associated with approximately a six percent reduction in the likelihood of having had sex in the past week.

Yikes. Sounds like a boundary might be in order.

Something else to think about is developing language, code words, signals and other communication rituals between you and others so you can identify what is happening in your space.

Being stoic, keeping it in and not saying anything is the easier option, but that omission affects the space long term.

Robert Deniro comes to mind, whose comedic performances are full of interpersonal lessons. In one of his films, his wife would whisper the term muskrat under her breath as a code word to remind him to keep his temper under control.

It’s kind of dopey, but whatever it takes to preserve the space, right?

There’s actually a real cool business that solves this boundary problem.

Say you come from a loud, talkative family, but you can only stand being around them for a limited time. How can you vacation together without killing each other?

Mishpook is a travel agency that pairs you with your own personal concierge to design the perfect trip that lasts no longer than three and a half days. They’ll help you plan activities that relatives can do both separately and together, and teach you how to establish healthy boundaries along the way. Mishpook proves that on vacation, it’s not all relative.

Just kidding, that’s one of the ideas from my innovation game show.

But it would make a hell of a business, right?

Ultimately, whatever energy you bring into your sacred space, it not only affects you, but those around you.

Be careful letting in what doesn’t belong.

Because if you don’t set any boundaries for yourself, other people will set them for you.

And then they will violate them. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Who in your life doesn’t respect your space?