You can never get enough of what’s not working

The irony of workaholism is, often times the greater the achievement, the deeper the emptiness.

We make heroic effort, reach the climax, receive attention and approval from others, stimulate the reward system in our brain, and then we crash.

And once the drug wears off, the darkness comes pouring in. Mean voices inside our head remind us that we’re actually unworthy and incompetent, and we had better get back to work soon so we can chase another hit.

Reminds me of my first standing ovation as a public speaker. Despite being a rookie entrepreneur who was still living with his parents, three hundred insurance professionals from one of the biggest companies in the world rose to their feet and applauded my presentation, which they paid me a handsome fee to give.

Wow, talk about a natural high. That moment caused a chemical reaction where my neurons released a massive payload of dopamine, and it felt like walking on air.

Until about five minutes after the speech, when a man from my audience shook my hand and said, with completely earnestness in his voice, it’s a good thing you’re not living with your parents anymore.

And, crash.

My entire body started sweating and my stomach fell to the carpet.

Shit, they’re onto me. They know I’m not enough of a grownup to have my own apartment. God damn it. Better go out there and show them by working myself sick for the next nine day straight.

Have you ever been trapped in that loop of achievement and emptiness before? It’s as addictive as any schedule two drug out there.

But what sucks is, you never realize it when you’re in the thick of it. It never occurs to you when you’re chasing the high. How could it?

Hoffer, imminent social philosopher, is noted for his insight, you can never get enough of what you don’t need to make you happy.

It’s one of those paradoxical concepts that each of us experiences in our own way.

Personally, approval, attention and applause weren’t my core needs. Learning to love and trust myself was. Which meant that all the standing ovations in the world would satisfy me. That’s how the economics of desire work. We can never get enough of what’s not working, because what we don’t need won’t satisfy us. Only when I finally learned how to generate that high internally, of my own volition, without a single person in the audience, did true fulfillment float to the surface. Only took another fifteen years.

Anyway, if you’re someone trapped in the addictive cycle of achievement and emptiness, you’re not alone.

And in fact, our culture isn’t helping. People’s most compulsive, obsessive and dysfunctional tendencies are not only celebrated but rewarded by society at large. Perhaps what people need is a more ritualized way of signaling to themselves and the world that they’re ready to let go of who they used to be.

Wait, that actually gives me an idea.

Companies throw goodbye parties for employees who retire. And yet, there’s no official way celebrate people’s ability to stop doing things like eating sugar or other addictive behaviors.

That gives me a useful new business idea.

Resignote could be a certificate creation app where people can quit, resign from and give up the behaviors that no longer serve them. Whether it’s workaholism, gambling addiction or just being an asshole, now people can print out and share a customized artifact for their transition from compulsive to healthy.

Say goodbye to your bad habits in style. Resignote, helping people quit things publicly and proudly.

Tell me that idea wouldn’t lower the number of workaholics in this world.

Ritual amplifies commitment. It doesn’t have to be fancy, it just has to be ours. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Are you letting yourself get satisfied with an abundance of what you don’t need to be happy?