Will you stretch the rubber band but not break it?

Let’s begin by accepting the fact that control is largely an illusion.

The human ego tries to preserve control so it can manage the randomness, uncertainty and chaos of life and death. But we live on a thirteen septillion pound rock that is rotating at a thousand miles an hour. To suggest that we have any shred of control is mathematically unfeasible.

But all astrophysical and existential realities aside, it’s still important to reflect on agency as an attribute.

Agency is the capacity of a person to effect change in their environment. It’s an individual’s sense of control and autonomy and ability to act on their own behalf. The less of it people have, the more likely they are feel helpless, frustrated and scared.

But the more agency they have, the higher the probability of feeling calm, happier and fulfilled.

Now, in the psychology world, the feelings related to agency include the sense of being able to do something, of being the agent of an action, as well as the sense of being in control. In fact, certain disorders of agency, like alcoholism, obsessive compulsion and the like, are described as cases where people encounter difficulties in assessing their own degree of responsibility or involvement with respect to a relevant action or event.

I once read a study in an analytic philosophy journal that differentiated between to two agency extremes. This distinction was quite helpful for me personally, as I sometimes struggle going from one polarity to another. See how this continuum resonates with you.

Hypoagency means that anything bad that happens to me isn’t my fault. It was society, or culture, or some outside influence that made me do it. I am the victim who is angry at and envious of reality, and therefore entitled to restitution. Give me temporary relief and safety today, but inertia tomorrow.

Compare that extreme to hyperagency, which means that anything bad that happens to me is directly my own fault. People, society and culture were just playing their part in a situation that I helped create. I am complicit in creating the conditions in my life I that say I don’t want, and I am the victor who punishes himself with an overdeveloped sense of responsibility. Accountability today, but exhaustion tomorrow.

As you can see, extremes in either direction aren’t particularly helpful. The unhealthy expression of hypoagency would mean stagnant attitudes and a lack of motivation. Possibly using our helplessness as emotional pressure to manipulate others. On the other hand, unhealthy hyperagency means an excessive belief in our control and power over external events or outcomes. Where we might overstate our abilities and take unnecessary risks, leading to mentally and emotionally draining ourselves.

Neither outcome is ideal.

For the sake of our wellbeing, then, we should take responsibility for what we can influence, while also accepting the limitations and uncertainties that exist.

A healthy thought experiment to try is something the founder at my old startup used to preach.

Stretch the rubber band, but don’t break it.

Meaning, consider the limits of your circumstances, but without going past the point of no return.

For example, think of a time you felt disengaged, angry and powerless regarding national politics.

Hypoagency makes you think, wow, this little charade of moving the government chess pieces around every four years, what a joke. It’s all one party and one agenda and choice and freedom are illusions. Screw this, I’m not voting anymore, because nothing matters, so pass the bong.

How does that extreme sit with you?

Next, now that you’ve stretched the agency rubber band in that direction, let’s try the other extreme.

Hyperagency makes you think, wow, our nation has turned into an inexcusable embarrassment full of wimps and rats, so I am going to take up arms and storm the building so I can smear urine and feces on the wall. I am the one person who hasn’t done enough to preserve this great nation, and now they’re coming for my values, and it’s time to fight back.

How does that extreme sit with you?

The benefit of agency rubber banding is, it encourages you to consider potential negative consequences of your actions and find a balance between your ambition and prudence. By acknowledging your potential agency without succumbing to any extreme beliefs, you can cultivate resilience, make informed decisions and adapt to life’s absurd challenges effectively.

Remember, control very well may be an illusion, but our belief in our own ability to influence events that effect our life, and take control over the way these events are experienced, is not.

Buffet, the richest man in the world and our world’s top investor and philanthropist, famously donated most of his wealth to charity, leaving his children sufficient for their needs. His famous proverb was:

“I believe in giving my kids enough so they can do anything, but not so much that they can do nothing.”

That’s the balance each of us must strike. Not so much agency that it gives license to ragefully twist reality until a balloon animal, but enough agency so that we respond to the circus of life with thoughtfulness, perspective and humility.

Will you stretch the rubber band but not break it?