Why does this always happen to me?

Psychologists tell us that transcendence is a form of attention control.

It’s the capacity to see and think beyond the immediate stimuli.

And it doesn’t necessarily mean ignoring the immediate present, so much as seeing it in the context of more substantial concerns.

One way to accomplish this is to depersonalize. Like when a stranger says or does something that has a deeply negative impact on us. We remind ourselves that it’s not personal, it’s not our fault, and it’s not something that always happens to us.

This isolated incident was theirs, not ours. Whatever it is they did, they weren’t doing it to us, they were just doing it. Period.

That’s depersonalization. Divesting our interest in the story we tell about our own specialness, and getting on with our day.

Real estate agents are experts at the depersonalization process. Their version of transcendence is helping clients overcome the adversity of moving, an endeavor that has been clinically proven to be the next most stressful thing after a family member dying.  

How do they do it? Agents tell their home owners that in order to put their house on the market, job one is depersonalization. Everything from family photos to postcards to mounted animals to prized possessions should be removed from the premises.

Because no matter how much the buyer likes or dislikes those items, during the viewing they would still be paying attention to all the stuff, rather than looking at the home and trying to picture their own stuff there. The house has to become a blank canvas, otherwise the buyer won’t be able to superimpose their own life onto it.

This depersonalization, this capacity to see and think beyond the immediate stimuli, helps buyers see the house in the context of more substantial concerns. And that’s what enables transcendence.

What outcome have you been personalizing to your detriment? What moment have you been replaying inside your head for the past week that you’re still blaming yourself for?

Find a way to take yourself out of the equation. Get all those gorgeous framed photos off the walls.

Trust that it’s not being done to you, it’s just being done. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What do you say to yourself to strengthen your internal locus of control?