What is your attachment to fairness costing you?

In my late thirties, I got laid off four times from four jobs, back to back to back to back.

The first one was a workforce reduction, the second was an acquisition, the third was a private equity buyout, and the fourth was a prefundraising downsizing.

Naturally, I felt sad, lonely, confused, angry, rejected and unappreciated. This was textbook unfairness.

Because I knew in my heart that I did great work, people loved me and I created value everywhere I went. Those jerks don’t know what they’re missing.

And yet, life marched on. The world around me didn’t pause to cater to my feelings. I had no choice but to navigate through the emotional turmoil while things continued their course, and found a way to heal, grow from the experience, land the next gig, and move my story forward.

Question is, had I believed in fairness, would my unemployment experience have been different?

Probably. Because some people who hold ideals about how life should be just and equitable do amazing things in the world. They channel their energy as a glowing source of motivation to address the injustice and create a fairer society. Maybe they advocate for equality, both in the personal lives and in the broader social context.

I think that’s wonderful and I’m so grateful those people are out there.

But I am not that person. I am not someone who will spend his life railing against the world when it doesn’t align with my sense of fairness. I would rather empty myself of as many expectations as I can, try to accept reality on reality’s terms, and see if I can still make meaning and be content in spite of it.

What is your attachment to fairness costing you?