Their fire is their business

Having managed multiple blogs for the last twenty years, one lesson the internet continues to teach me is how to set healthy boundaries.

Because despite the dopamine rush that floods your brain when a new comment or email comes in from a reader, the truth is, you’re under no obligation to entertain anybody’s opinion.

Especially if people insist on leaving impolite and ugly remarks, sticking a pin in every word you say. They may have freedom of speech, but you don’t owe hostile, anonymous strangers your attention. You can just delete the message and get on with your life.

Or better yet, disable the comment feature on the blog and avoid the whole rabbit hole in the first place.

This comment policy extends beyond the digital realm, too. On any given day, there will be people who try to leave the equivalent of a trolling or spammy comment on the discussion board of your mind.

And you don’t have to stand for it. You can set boundaries by not rewarding people’s rude behavior. Rather than expressing your moral outrage, going toe to toe with idiots, responding with logic, or using deescalation tactics, simply demonstrate that people’s words are unworthy of comment.

Parents learn to do this whenever their toddlers throw tantrums in the aisle of the grocery store. By simply walking away, they remove the audience from the kid’s performance. That’s a boundary too.

The goal here is to remind others, and more importantly, remind yourself, that fueling people’s fire is not your responsibility. Nor is throwing water on it. Nor is warming your hands by it.

Their fire is their business.

My graphic designer friend has her own version of this. Whenever starting a new project, she sends the client her collaboration guidelines. This document lists her communication expectations and professional policies for responding to requests, emails and other messages.

Another strong boundary.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Have you calculated the specific psychological cost of not having boundaries?