The room of someone’s mind

Bohr once joked that it’s very hard to predict, especially the future.

But something that’s not as hard is understanding the present. Because as baffling and uncertain as life can be, what’s happening right in front of our noses is typically simpler than we might realize.

It just takes a little compassion.

Let’s say a colleague at work expresses sudden and malicious feelings towards us during a staff meeting. This can be jarring and concerning. That single comment can ruin our entire week, sending us into a ruminative spiral that fills our minds with unnecessary preoccupations about our relationships.

Does she hate me? Does this mean I’m fired? What will my family do for money? Will we have to move back in with our parents?

On the other hand, if we learn to keep perspective, we can see what’s happening at the moment within the broader context of the human condition.

Maisel’s book on therapy visualizes this strikingly. The room of someone’s mind has a particular atmosphere and idiosyncratic fittings and furnishings. It’s absurd not to connect up their behavior with something human going on. There is no reason to treat people’s unique ways of being as suddenly surprising.

It brings us back to our malicious coworker.

What if that person’s anger was actually directed at themselves?

What if they’re going through a hard time right now and projecting malice onto us was their way of protecting their ego?

What if being the object of their rage has nothing to do with our present and everything to do with their past?

Remember, as a human being, this person has everyday human reasons for their anger, many of which probably have nothing to do with us.

Like most things in this life, it’s not personal.

This is the kind of inner work that, when done on the regular, can help us to become less surprised and flustered by people’s behaviors.

It won’t help us predict the future, but it might help us understand the present.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Are you allowing for the possibility that humanity is at play?