The biological necessity for in person relational engagement

In our world of infinite choice and constant distraction, it’s never been easier to bail on our plans with people.

It seems that basic social contracts like setting a date and actually showing up on time have become a scarce commodity.

Technology and psychology theorists blame this trend on a number of sources, some under our control and some not.

But why people flake out doesn’t concern me as much as what people can to do reverse this trend. Because the answer isn’t patting our backs about starting another goddamn national conversation about bail culture. No more hashtags. The only social movement should be the one within ourselves.

Our solution to this awful problem is personally committing to bail less ourselves. Or, if that’s not possible, training ourselves to say no to commitments early and often, so we can avoid the whole shenanigan in the first place.

Remember, all commitment issues revert back to a misguided sense of proportion. The reason we bail on our plans with friends and family is the same reason over a fourth of our workforce is clinically burned out. Our eyes are bigger than our stomachs. We are experts at underestimating how long things will take, and experts at overestimating the impact those things will have on our bodies and minds.

As my dad used to joke in reference to working in the closeout business for forty years, you can’t eat like an elephant and shit like a bird.

One trend that exacerbates this social problem is our cultural confusion between the digital and physical worlds. Truth is, they’re not the same. What we experience through our screens may be quick, convenient, beautiful and exciting.

But let’s not shit ourselves. It’s not the real world, it’s merely a surreal representation of the world, perpetuated by the most advanced technology in the history of man. It’s not objective reality, it’s simply a cleverer and more addictive rendition of it. As such, if we have convinced ourselves that our digital devices will meet one hundred percent of our fundamental human need for social contact, then we are sorely mistaken.

When our relationships exist primarily in the digital world, bailing on people can feel like an inconsequential act. But it’s not. Constant bailing hurts people’s feelings, degrades relationships, makes us look like assholes, and reduces the likelihood that others will want to spend time with is in the future.

Humans are social animals who have a biological necessity for in person relational engagement. Brains healing brains. Breathing the same air experiences where we can read each other’s every gesture and intention and concrete this thing called life.

It’s riskier. Scarier. Involves real human feelings. But it’s essentially all we have.

Now, you may be someone who has always struggled to commit and keep plans. In which case, you probably find my point of view a bit harsh.

And you might also assume that I believe my own approach to social interaction is the only game in town.

You’re absolutely right. It is. Either stop bailing on people, or learn to think about commitment differently. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Whom have you been meaning to catch up with for more than six months?