Thanks to our coefficient of specialness

The fear that we are merely one of many, rather than one of a kind, is completely normal.

Who doesn’t have at least some desire to be special?

Some of us, myself included, are what psychologists would call insistent individuals. We build our identity around how unlike everyone else we are. Our need to feel different and special and fundamentally different from others is our primary motivational driver.

This personality trait has its benefits, especially in the world of work. Getting noticed, getting hired, getting promoted, getting famous, all of these accomplishments happen at an accelerated pace, thanks to our coefficient of specialness. 

But the paradox of uniqueness is, our motivational need to express it also isolates us. We work so hard to stand apart from everyone else, that the loneliness can’t help but grow into a problem. Even if we do crave deep, intense, human connection, nobody really understands us quite as intimately as we understand ourselves, so what’s the point?

Not that we shouldn’t take pride in our unique gifts, but perhaps if we stop trying to emphasize every little thing that makes us different from, and better than, everyone else, and instead focus on what we all have in common, we might feel less alone in the world.

This is one of the best parts about wearing a nametag every day. It’s proven to me that love isn’t to be found in a special label that makes me feel more separate from others, but rather, found in the label’s ability to connect me with others on a deeply human, analog, face to face level.

The phrase exquisite ordinariness comes to mind.

Considering the epic proportions of isolation, loneliness, and disconnection in the world, it’s quite a sticky solution.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
How many people did you go out of your way to ignore yesterday?