10 Ways to Reverse the Momentum of an Overly Aggressive or Hostile Person

FACT: You will encounter challenging people.

They might come in the form of strangers.
They might come in the form of customers.
They might EVEN come in the form of colleagues or friends!

They will try to overpower you.
They will try to intimidate you.
They will try to get a rise out of you.

They will make blunt or rude comments.
They will ask pointed or threatening questions.
They will attempt to activate your defensiveness.

And you will have a choice.

To either REACT:

By getting upset, overly emotional or defensive.

Which is exactly what they want.

Because deep down, they know that’s the only way they can beat you.

Or, to RESPOND:

By reversing their momentum.

Which is the exact opposite of what they’re expecting.

Because deep down, they know that if you refuse to take ownership of their emotions, they’re toast.

Kind of like the playground bully, whose ONLY power comes from other kids’ fear of him.

So, next time you face a challenging person, remember:

The key is to relax.
The key is to lower the temperature of the situation.
The key is to remain emotionally unreactive, yet still invested in the conversation.

IN SHORT: If you want to reverse someone’s momentum, it’s all about patience and language.

Today we’re going to explore a list of 10 Phrases That Payses to positively change the dynamic of a conversation with an overly aggressive or hostile person:

1. You’re right. This phrase allows you to enter into another person’s reality. It shows an open mindedness to different opinions and redirects the conversation into a productive direction.

It also acknowledges someone else’s unique point of view. Ultimately, these four results are empathetic and help diffuse emotionally charged individuals.

2. You may be right. Similar to the above example, this phrase diffuses the energy behind someone’s attack AND avoids threatening the attacker. And by giving an impression of active agreement, not passive acquiescence, it avoids adding fuel to the fire.

What’s more, “You may be right” validates a particular part of someone’s argument. Which doesn’t mean you TOTALLY agree with her. But, it does make it easier for the other person to hear your side of the story by way of reciprocation.

3. I agree with you. Similarly, this phrase “agrees with thy adversary quickly,” as the old scripture suggests. It builds common ground on a point of mutual agreement and aligns you with the other person. That way, you’re both on the same side.

Which is how resistance dissipates. Which makes moving toward a solution flow a LOT smoother.

4. Why is that so important to you? This gem is especially effective when someone shoots down EVERY idea you suggest. It identifies a person’s motives and challenges them to honesty examine their emotions, which, if they’ve lashed out at you, probably isn’t something they’ve done yet.

5. Why do you want to know so badly? Similarly, this phrase helps uncover the motivations of someone who seems bit too persistent. Maybe even bordering on pushy.

For example, if a person you’ve just met asks you LOTS of probing questions on the same topic, or constantly asks you the same question over and over again, maybe it’s time to step back and ask why.

6. You must be having a really bad day. Unexpected and empathetic. Demonstrates concern, especially with an irate customer. Also, this phrase assures that you don’t take ownership of the other person’s problem. This ultimately allows them to cool off and approach their situation in a calm, collected manner.

7. I forgive you. When someone is flustered, running late or apologizing profusely, using these three words is almost like a magic tonic. Especially when it’s with a stranger.

See, the peaceful, tender and caring energy of “I forgive you” is incredibly powerful. And observing the way people respond when you say, “I forgive you” is a GREAT mini-lesson in momentum reversal.

8. Thank you. When someone brings a problem or complaint to your attention, make sure the first words out of your mouth are “Thank you,” and not “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry” is negative and self-blaming, and people say it WAY too often. Especially when they’ve done nothing wrong. Now, responding by thanking someone doesn’t mean you’re evading responsibility. If an apology is in order, say it. Just don’t LEAD with it. Instead, after you’ve thanked (aka, honored) the upset person, only THEN say, “I apologize,” or “I’m sorry. You deserve better.”

9. I respect your opinion of my work. My all-time favorite. Perfect for artists and creative professionals. See, if everybody loves your brand, you’re doing something wrong! Likewise, if everybody loves your idea, it’s probably not that good of an idea. So, next time someone expresses a dislike for your work – especially in an attempt to fluster, insult or embarrass you – do three things.

First, pause.
Second, breathe and smile.
Third, tell the person, “I respect your opinion of my work.”

Take it from someone whose work has been made fun of A LOT. I can (almost) guarantee you people will NEVER see THAT one coming! And as a result, you’ll not only leave them with nowhere to go; but you’ll project an attitude of open mindedness and acceptance. Jerks.

10. Silence. Lastly, sometimes the best way to reverse the momentum of an overly aggressive or hostile person is to say nothing at all. To just shut up and let them vent. See, in many cases, that’s all they WANTED: someone to listen to them. To honor them. Or, in some cases, that’s all they NEEDED: someone to serve as a sounding board so they could hear how absurd their words actually were!

In either case, not responding (at all) to someone’s aggression lowers the temperature of the conversation and allows that person to compose himself.

NOTE: Silence is an extremely challenging approach for both parties. See, we live in a hyperspeed; A.D.D. culture where time is money and “the meter is running.” That’s one reason people are so afraid of silence. At the same time, however, that’s ALSO why silence can be so powerful.

– – –

Whichever of the Phrases That Payses you choose to use, remember your mantra: Respond; don’t react.

Combine that foundation with an attitude of patience and calmness, and you’ll be able to reverse the momentum of an overly aggressive or hostile person!

Of course, that’s only (my) short list. What about YOU?

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What Phrases That Payses work when you’re trying to reverse the momentum of someone?

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Share your examples here!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
[email protected]

How are you branding YOUR service?

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Writing is the Basis of All Wealth, Part 1

The more you write, the more material you have for your blog.
The more you blog, the more people will link to you.
The more people link to you, the greater your web presence becomes.
The greater your web presence becomes, the larger your WOM asset grows.
The larger your WOM asset grows, the more Google likes you.
The more Google likes you, the better your organic search rankings become.
The better your organic search rankings, the more mindshare you can create.
The more mindshare you create, the more you become That Guy.
The more you become That Guy; the more customers come to YOU pre-qualified.
The more customers that come to you pre-qualified, the lower your average sales cycle.
The lower your average sales cycle, the lower your marketing and client acquisition costs.
The lower your marketing and client acquisition costs, the more profit you can turn.

Writing is the basis of all wealth.

Read part two and part three and of this series!

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What did you write today?

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For the #1 way to overcome ~~writer’s~~ thinker’s block, send an email to [email protected] and I’ll help you unblock yourself!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag

I’m not a consultant. Nor a Coach. However, you CAN rent my brain!

No systems. No formulas. Just someone who (actually) listens, asks KILLER questions and facilitates creative breakthroughs. Rent Scott’s Brain today!

Don’t be stopped by not knowing HOW

An entrepreneur (by definition) is someone who takes risks.

So, she can’t let a little thing like “knowing how” stand in her way.

“How” is dangerous.
“How” is a dream destroyer.
“How” is the difference between talkers and doers.

And too many ideas, projects and movements have fallen off the face of the Earth because somebody was stopped by not knowing how.

LESSON LEARNED: Focus (first) on the WHAT, and the HOW will eventually appear.

Be clear about the results and flexible about the process. Here’s why:

The “WHAT” can be defined right away.
But the “HOW” takes time, patience and persistence.

The “WHAT” can lead to immediate action.
But the “HOW” may take weeks, even months to get started.

The “WHAT” can lay groundwork for the “HOW” to materialize.
But the “HOW” won’t come to fruition without first identifying the “WHAT.”

So, if you have a great new idea and (still) aren’t sure how to execute it, relax.

Because all that matters (at least, right now) is that you just get started.

That you take the first step. That you do something. ANYTHING!

After all, ideas are free; only execution is priceless.

So, consider these practices to help you focus on the “WHAT.” That way the “HOW” will eventually come to fruition.

1. START with lists. The moment you get a new idea, the first thing you need to do is make it into a list. Listing is the simplest, quickest and most efficient way to capture your idea before it flies away to “But You Never Wrote Me Down Land.”

And, the human brain is a self-organizing machine. So, listing subconsciously creates patterns, groups and “piles” of material that seem to come together on their own. This will help you explore the “WHAT” to its fullest extent. I suggest spending a few hours taking a mental dump, creating lists like:

o What My Idea Is
o What My Idea Isn’t
o Where This Idea Came From
o Why I Want to Do This Project
o Who the Customer Is
o What the Value Proposition Is
o How My Idea Is Unique
o Who I Need to Talk To about This Idea
o Goals of This Idea
o Potential Benefits of This Idea
o Resources/Items I Need to Obtain to Move Forward
o Barriers or Challenges
o What This Idea (Could) Become
o What I Want This Idea to Become
o Strengths of This Idea
o Weaknesses of This Idea
o Dangers of This Idea

List until you’ve got nothing left to list. Empty your mind! Update, edit and revisit your lists regularly. Ultimately, this practice will objectify AND clarify your thoughts, thus bringing you closer to discovering the “HOW.”

2. CONTINUE with resources. Odds are, there’s somebody out there who’s done something similar to your idea. Your goal is to connect WITH, and glean lessons FROM that person.

So, here’s your approach:

o FIRST, spend some time googling around. See what else and who else is out there. Keep a record of your findings.

o SECOND, create (yet another) list. Find 5-7 other entrepreneurs whose ideas mirror your own. Think of them as potential resources.

o THIRD, send each of them a short email. Introduce yourself and congratulate them on their success. Then, briefly explain why you’ve reached out. Summarize your new idea in one or two sentences. Ask if they’d be willing to have coffee or chat on the phone for 15 minutes. Respect their boundaries by working with their schedule and/or offering to compensate them for their time.

o FOURTH, shut up and listen. During your conversation, ask penetrating questions like:

o What’s been the biggest lesson you’ve learned?
o What’s the stupidest thing I could do with this idea?
o What three things have most contributed to your success?
o What was the turning point in your execution of this idea?
o What mistakes do people in situations like this usually make?

o FIFTH, take copious notes. Find out what they’ve learned and where they’ve screwed up. Keep all of your research, resources and notes together in an easily accessible folder, along with your lists from the first exercise.

o SIXTH, follow up. Send your new friend(s) a follow up email to thank them for their time. Make it your goal to meet with one of these resources once a month. Without being too annoying, occasionally keep them updated on your progress. And continue to run your “WHAT” ideas by them as you discover more of your “HOW.”

3. PERSIST with education. OK! You’ve made some lists and picked some brains. Great progress on the “WHAT.” By now, the “HOW” should be starting to show its ugly little mug.

Which means it’s time to get shanks out.

A.K.A., you need to be willing to suck in the beginning.

Please take a moment and re-read that last sentence.

Yes, It comes with the territory. Whether you’re a storeowner, children’s author or a professional service provider, you’ve got to get the shanks out.

And you do so through education.

Several examples:

That means … daring to do it badly.
Which might mean making an idiot of yourself.

FOR EXAMPLE: Even Jerry Seinfeld and Chris Rock bombed in front of audiences in the beginning.

That means … spending time paying your dues.
Which might mean fighting your attitude of instant gratification.

FOR EXAMPLE: Accept the fact that you might not get any web traffic for six months.

That means … seeking progress, not perfection.
Which might mean asking for feedback to find out where you suck.

FOR EXAMPLE: Ask customers to offer honest feedback, even if it hurts.

That means … creating work that isn’t very good.
Which might mean throwing a lot of stuff away.

FOR EXAMPLE: Wouldn’t you want to go to the driving range to hit a bucket of balls before playing your first round of the season?

As you can see, persisting with education is the hardest, longest and most enduring part of discovering your “HOW.”

It takes the most patience.
It takes hard AND smart AND long work.
It takes stepping out of your comfort zone.

But that’s exactly why it works.

In fact, that’s why ALL of these practices work.

And I only know this because I’ve done them (and continue to do them) as I trudge forward through my own entrepreneurial hurdles.

Just like you.

So, if you’re an entrepreneur who’s become stuck by not knowing how, remember these three practices:

START with lists.
CONTINUE with resources.
PERSIST with education.

And just concentrate on the WHAT.

No-how will eventually lead to know-how 😉

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
When you aren’t sure about the “HOW,” what’s your first move?

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Share your first move here!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
[email protected]

Not sure how to approach your new idea?

Tune in to The Entrepreneur Channel on NametagTV.com!

Watch video lessons on taking the first step!

Why your marketing is no longer enough

For all you marketers out there, I’ve got good news and bad news.

THE GOOD NEWS IS: The world is flat, the barriers to entry are low and the opportunities to leverage new ideas are ENDLESS!

THE BAD NEWS IS: your marketing is no longer enough.

Here are six examples:

1. SHTICK is no longer enough. The word shtick is defined as “A characteristic attribute, talent, gimmick or trait that is helpful in securing recognition or attention.” The challenge is, shtick won’t sustain you. Sure, shtick is catchy and cool and clever and fun and different; but it’s not enough.

REMEMBER: Shtick might get you in the door, but only substance will keep you in the room.

Is your marketing a Tootsie Roll or a Dum Dum?

2. WEBSITE is no longer enough. Websites used to be fancy, expensive tools only possessed by the technologically elite. Not anymore! Now, any 10 year old kid with the right software can create a website in under an hour. So, combine that trend with the expansion of social networking and blogs, websites are no longer enough. You need a web PRESENCE. A interconnected network of different sites, all pointing to the baseline, i.e., your original site.

REMEMBER: Be an octopus, not an earthworm.

Does your marketing have enough tentacles?

3. SATISFACTION is no longer enough. Who cares if your customers are satisfied? The real question is, “Are they telling their friends about you?” See, customers EXPECT to be satisfied. That’s par for the course. That’s like getting a C+. If you REALLY want to make a name for yourself, think of your customer service as having three levels: satisfaction, loyalty and INSISTENCE. Strive for the last two and you will create fans (not customers) for life.

REMEMBER: Satisfied customers don’t tell their friends about you.

And if clients aren’t actively telling their friends about you, this might happen.

4. SOLE CONTACT is no longer enough. If a customer comes to your website, she expects to be able to call, fax or email you instantly. And, get a human response. But again, that’s standard. With the advent of instant messaging, widgets, messages boards, blogs and other cool forms of online communication, that’s no longer enough. The best, most approachable and most ACCESSIBLE businesspeople make themselves available via multiple media.

REMEMBER: Don’t give customers a reason NOT to investigate you further.

Instead, do stuff like this.

5. SOLE DELIVERY is no longer enough. Text-based marketing is SO 1994. This is 2008, Holmes. Your customers’ attention spans are diminishing daily. Not to mention, we live in a “My Culture” where customers call the shots. So, you need to appeal to them with multiple modes of content delivery like video, audio and RSS.

REMEMBER: Customers don’t read anymore. They scan.

Or, they watch videos like these.

– – –

Ultimately, when it comes to marketing, something things are just no longer enough.

Something to think about.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What aspects of marketing do you think are no longer enough?

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If you’d like to know what the most important word in marketing is, email [email protected] and I’ll gladly (attempt to) enlighten you!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
[email protected]

How many people blogged about YOU this week?

Tune in to The Marketing Channel on NametagTV.com!

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NametagTV: What’s in a (User) Name?

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What’s the most memorable username you’ve ever seen?

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Share it here!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
[email protected]

Training videos putting your office to sleep?

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Stick yourself out there!

NametagTV: Give Extra Information

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How do you add value to your answers?

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Share your best practices here!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
[email protected]

Training videos putting your staff to sleep?

Tune in to NametagTV.com for an interactive learning experience!

Stick yourself out there!

Approachable Managers: Lay a Foundation of Affirmation

Because acknowledgment is a universal human need, listening is (initially) about AFFIRMATION.

Making people feel valued, validated and important.

See, human beings shape their self-image based on how they are responded to by others.

For example:

o If someone grew up hearing messages like, “I don’t wanna hear it right now!” and “Stop asking so many questions!”

…it’s likely that she would develop a reticence when approaching people in the future.

o On other hand, if comments like, “Tell me more!” and “That’s a great question!” were ingrained into someone’s mind…

…his future level of approachability would be dramatically different.

For that reason, your (potential) influence as the listener is powerful.

So, you MUST take the opportunity to lay a foundation of affirmation. That way your employees will authentically open up to you.

AND REMEMBER: Even if you don’t care FOR, approve OF or agree WITH someone’s ideas, when they approach YOU in need of a bended ear, you job is to let them know thahttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gift you heard them.

Here’s a quick list of 8 Phrases That Payses to help affirm your speaker:

1. You’re raising an important issue.
2. Great question!
3. I’m really glad you brought that up.
4. When you said (x), that triggered the following thought for me…
5. I’m SO glad you asked that question.
6. Interesting point.
7. That is one option we will need to look at.
8. I was hoping you’d ask that question!

(If you need more, you could always consult your friendly affirmation ball.)

Verbiage like this is positive, approachable and affirming. And the best part is, it advances the conversation into a mutually shared space in which people feel safe to open up to you.

And THAT enables you to learn what’s going on with your employees, uncover problems and suggest solutions.

SO REMEMBER: Growing bigger ears is (first) about laying a foundation of affirmation.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
How do you affirm your employees and team members?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Share your three best Phrases That Payses here!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
[email protected]

Want your employees to open up to you?
Tune in to The Entrepreneur Channel on NametagTV.com!

Watch video lessons on growing bigger ears!

Be SO good that customers can’t even tell

Walk into any Lush store around the world, and most customers will have the same response:

“These guys are SO good, their soaps don’t even look like soap!”

When was the last time YOU took a picture of SOAP?

Probably never.

But the people at Lush are just THAT good.

Tune in to The Ace of Cakes on Food Network (Staring culinary arr-teest Duff Goldman), and most viewers will share the same thought:

“That dude his SO good, his cakes don’t even look like cakes!

When was the last time YOU took a picture of a CAKE?

Unless it was a wedding, probably never.

But Charm City Cakes are just THAT good.

LESSON LEARNED: As Michael Cane said, “The art is hiding the art.”

That’s great advice.

And I think you can apply this principle to a variety of situations:

CREATE marketing that’s SO fun, SO cool and SO participative…
That your fans don’t even realize you’re marketing to them.

SELL your stuff with SUCH passion, SUCH comfort and SUCH service…
That your prospects don’t even realize you’re selling to them.

PERFORM sp effortlessly, SO naturally and SO emotionally…
That your audience doesn’t even realize you’re performing for them.

WRITE so engagingly, SO well-architected and with SO much personality…
That your readers don’t even realize they’re reading.

BUILD community that’s SO organic, SO authentic and SO inviting…
That your members don’t even realize they’re members of an organization.

NOTE: This doesn’t mean tricking, duping or manipulating people.

It just means being really, really good and doing what you do.

That’s what being That Guy is all about.

So good that people get lost in your brilliance and don’t even realize you’re doing what you do.

Never let ‘em catch you acting.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Who do YOU know that’s so good at doing what they do, people can’t even tell?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Share your best example here!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
[email protected]

How are YOU making the mundane memorable?

Tune in to The Frontline Channel on NametagTV.com for video lessons on creating and keeping ~~satisfied~~ insistent customers!

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Tag: scott ginsberg

10 Ways to Reverse the Momentum of an Overly Aggressive or Hostile Person

Writing is the Basis of All Wealth, Part 1

Don’t be stopped by not knowing HOW

Why your marketing is no longer enough

NametagTV: What’s in a (User) Name?

NametagTV: Give Extra Information

Approachable Managers: Lay a Foundation of Affirmation

Be SO good that customers can’t even tell