Tag: conversation

Why are you being so nice to me?

PICTURE THIS: You meet someone at a networking event. He’s friendly, approachable, asks great questions; even introduces you to a few his colleagues.

After the event you exchange business cards.

A few days later he follows up with a quick email, thanking you for coming. He also offers an open-ended invitation to a future lunch to brainstorm and get to know each other better.

Wow!

Still, in the back of your mind, you can’t help but wonder, “Why is he being so nice to me?”

Does he have ulterior motives?
Does he want to sell me something?
Does he think I’m going to become his best friend?

Oris he just nice to everyone?

All of these are possibilities. And it’s human nature to be suspicious of people’s motives. Especially when it appears someone has no apparent reason to be so “nice” to you.

PERFECT EXAMPLE: ever since my 20/20 piece, I’ve been getting SWAMPED with phone calls and emails.

Most are from people who are just nice.

Many are from people who are nice AND want to connect.

However, some are from people are very nice … who want me to become part of their downline. Or read their business proposal. Or buy their products and services.

Yeah.

So, based on my experience of wearing a nametag 24-7 for the past 2,430 days, I believe there are three levels of niceness:

1. ULTERIOR MOTIVES: they seek sales, referrals, joining their organization, becoming a part of their MLM company.

2, ANCILLARY MOTIVES: they seek to develop and maintain mutually valuable relationships. “Who knows?” they think, “Maybe somewhere down the line we’ll be able to help each other!”

3. ZERO MOTIVES: they seek to be nice for the sake of being nice. No scorekeeping. No objective. Just being nice.

The challenge is, the word “nice” is a toughie. And there’s a paradox of meaning when you research the word’s origin.

By definition, the word nice means, “Pleasing and agreeable in nature,” “Having a pleasant or attractive appearance,” “Exhibiting courtesy and politeness,” and “Of good character and reputation; respectable.”

Conversely, the Latin derivative for nice is nescius, or “ignorant.”

Interesting.

No wonder “nice” is so misunderstood!

Still, when it comes to approachability, it’s important to see the value in all three types of conversation levels. None are better than the other; they just serve different purposes.

So, next time someone’s “nice” actions appear suspicious; and you ask yourself, “Why are they being so nice to me?” remember these three variations of niceness before you write someone off.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Why are some people so nice?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Share your best “Why are you being so nice to me?” story here!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag
www.hellomynameisscott.com

Are you the luckiest person you know?

Watch Scott’s interview on 20/20!

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Conversations are laboratories

Talking makes you think.
Thinking makes you create.
Creating makes you write stuff down.
And writing stuff down makes you money.

For that reason, conversations are laboratories.

All types of conversations, too.

With friends.
With yourself.
With mentors.
With strangers.
With employees.

And if you’re looking for a creative boost to attract more ideas into that big juicy brain of yours, start using conversations as tools.

Here are Five Lab Rules to remember when cooking up something new in your conversational laboratory:

1. Increase your frequency. Are you having weekly lunches, coffees and brainstorming meetings with colleagues? If not, start increasing your frequency. Double it. Triple it! And don’t think of it as “networking” or “eating,” think of it as taking a trip to the creative laboratory. NOTE: choose wisely. Be sure to select cool, creative, open-minded, positive people.

2. Take more notes. That which goes unrecorded goes unmemorable. Writing is the basis of all wealth. And if you don’t write it down, it never happened. So, don’t be shy! When you’re talking to a friend who says something inspiring, catchy or brilliant, get it down. Simply say, “Hey, that was great! Could you repeat what you just said? I want to write that down…” (Be sure to give them credit too. For example, today’s blog post was inspired by my new homeboy, John “Duct Tape Marketing” Jantsch.)

3. Ask better questions. More questions. Trickier questions. Stupid questions. Obvious questions. Repetitive questions. FACT: whether it’s with yourself or with someone else, questioning is absolute essential to uncovering new ideas.

4. Become a plucker. The word “pluck” means “to take something away swiftly, often by means of skill or strength.” That’s exactly what you need to do. To slow down, listen carefully and pluck out those little ideas, one-liners, phrases and light bulbs that go off during your conversation. Become a constant scanner of your environment. Then write them down and expand on them.

5. Affirm to attract. More ideas into your head, that is. See, creativity isn’t solely a function of luck or inspiration. It’s about prepping yourself mentally to attract and accept what’s available from the universe.

TRY THIS: before your next conversation, affirm to yourself, “During lunch today, I believe we’re going to make breakthroughs! New ideas will be pouring into our heads!”

ALSO TRY THIS: after your next conversation, give thanks. Gratitude shows the universe that you appreciate the gifts it has given to you. Which makes it want to give you more.

With these Five Lab Rules of Creative Laboratories, you’ll be sure to maximize the output of your next conversation.

And remember:

Talking makes you think.
Thinking makes you create.
Creating makes you write stuff down.
And writing stuff down makes you money.

Conversations are laboratories.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What are your Lab Rules for Creativity?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Share them here! After all, blogging IS conversation…

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag

Download Scott’s new book!
Right here, right now, for FREE, no strings.

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Why you need a cool company name

The cashier swiped my credit card.

She looked closely at the name.

“HELLO, my name is Scott…?” she said, “What is that?”

“Oh, that’s the name of my company,” I smiled.

“Really? So what do you do?”

“I wear a nametag all the time.”

She furrowed her brow and tilted her head.

“Are you serious?” she chuckled.

“Yep! And I write books, speeches and training materials on approachability.”

“Ohhhhh,” she nodded. “I get it – that is so cool!”

She handed the card back to me. I thanked Susie for her help and headed out to my car.

And by the time I got back to the office, the lesson was obvious: cool names work!

Not cute. Cool.

Smart. Fun. Eye catching. EAR catching.

HERE’S WHY: In a world of infinite choice, it’s impossible for customers to keep all those company names straight.

That’s why you need to try extra hard.

Because acronyms suck.
Because nobody notices normal.
Because the world is crying for uniqueness.

SO, HERE’S YOUR CHALLENGE: when naming your company, make it cool.

And make it unconfusable.

Because creativity is magnetic.
Because monograms are NOT brands.
Because generic names generate generic business.

And what you’ll discover (especially in conversations) is that cool company names tend to follow a three-step pattern of dialogue:

FIRST, someone says, “Huh?”

But wait, this is good! Because of your cool company name:

1. You’ve surprised them.
2. You’ve broken their patterns.
3. You’ve attracted their attention.

And the best way to capture someone’s attention is to B-R-E-A-K their patterns.

What’s more, you’ve created a hint of anxiety in the air. And this is the best time to give someone new ideas.

SECOND, you articulate your company’s value.

Your USP. Your value statement. Your positioning statement.

Make sure it’s clear, concise and emotional. No more than ten words. Leave no doubt in the other person’s mind what you do and how your company delivers value.

Consider the formula described in John Jansch’s Duct Tape Marketing:

Action Verb (what you actually do)
+
Noun (target market you do it for)
+
Benefit (the result of what you do)

For example, “I teach nurse practitioners how to provide more empathetic patient care.”

JUST REMEMBER: Surprise attracts attention, but only interest keeps attention.

THIRDLY, you await the “Aha!”

At this point in your conversation, you’ve already attracted someone’s attention. You’ve already delivered your value statement.

Now comes the best part.

You’ve heard of the “Aha moment,” right?

Well, the challenge is framing your conversation in a way that supports it.

See, the only reason the “Aha!” is effective is because you FIRST got the person to say, “Huh?”

That’s the magic of these three steps, when used properly. Huh?, then value, then Aha!

THE BEST PART: when you sandwich these two emotions (Huh? And Aha!) around your value statement, three things happen to your conversation partner:

1. You become awfully hard for her to resist.
2. You become awfully hard for her to forget.
3. You becomes awfully hard for her (not) to tell other people about.

AND LET’S FACE IT: the only time companies are successful is when people are actively and positively talking about them.

SO REMEMBER:

If you break patterns, you get noticed.
If you get noticed, you get remembered.
If you get remembered, you get business.

Do yourself a favor. Get a cool company name.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What’s the coolest company name you’ve ever seen?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Share how you reacted when you first saw it.

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
That Guy with the Nametag

Download Scott’s new book!
Right here, right now, for FREE, no strings.

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People respond to policies

The other day I got a phone call from a guy who wanted me to join his association.

He made a strong case: reasonable dues, good people, great networking.

When he asked for the sale (or in this case, the membership), I paused for a few seconds before responding.

“Mark, my policy about saying no is, ‘I don’t say it enough.’ So, for that reason alone, my answer to you is no.”

Dead silence. I smiled and waited.

“Well um, uh … OK,” he stammered. “I-I guess I’m not going to challenge that.”

Dead silence. I smiled and waited some more.

“OK well, uh, thanks for your time Scott,” he resigned.

“My pleasure!”

I hung up the phone.

Whoa. Where did THAT come from?! I wondered.

That was a first for me. Telling someone my “policy” on saying no.

And I tell ya what; it felt GREAT!

Candid, yet friendly.
Honest, yet confident.

And nobody’s time was wasted.

LESSON LEARNED: people respond to policies.

So I looked up the word policy online. And according to my favorite website in the world, the word first appeared in 1406. One of its origins came from a Lithuanian word, pilis, or fortress.

Fortress. Nice. Talk about standing your ground!

But the definition of policy simply means, “shrewdness or prudence, especially in the pursuit of a particular course of action.” Which means:

You’re not being mean.
You’re not being difficult.
You’re not rejecting someone.

You’re simply sticking to your guns. Telling someone, “Look, this is how I roll. This is who I am. That’s my policy.”

NOTE: I’m not talking about company policy. Different animal.

I’m talking about personal policy.

Knowing thyself. Being the world’s expert ON yourself and confidently articulating that on a consistent basis.

The following steps will help you put this idea into practice:

POLICY PREPARATION
1. Brainstorm a list of 10-15 of your most valued personal policies.
2. Organize and type them out on a small card.
3. Carry that card in your wallet.
4. Look at it regularly.
5. Next time someone challenges one of your policies, whip out that card and ask them to physically read it back to you. (THIS IS CRUCIAL!)
6. Smile and wait for them to respond.

Oh, and they will. Every time.

Because people respond to policies.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What are some of your personal policies?

LET SUGGEST THIS…
Post them here!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
Author/Speaker/That Guy with the Nametag
www.hellomynameisscott.com

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Don’t say you don’t know

What three words do your customers NEVER want to hear?

“I don’t know.”

If you’re a front line employee, you are the face of your company.

If you’re a call center operator, you are the voice of your company.

As such, you must project an aura of competence, confidence and resourcefulness. That’s what approachable service is all about!

So, even if you don’t really know the answer to a customer question, never let ‘em see (or hear) you sweat.

Instead, try saying the following Phrases That Payses:

“Great question! I’m not exactly sure, so let me ask someone who DOES know.”

This response works for several reasons:

IT REFRAMES. The customer is upset. Frustrated. Looking for answers. So, by immediately countering with a positive, even complimentary response, you reframe the context of the dialogue. He or she starts to feel reassured right away! All because you’ve laid a foundation of positivity and approachability.

IT LOOSENS THE BLOW. By stating that you’re “not exactly” sure, you come off as more competent and confident. Much better than, “I have no idea!” After all, your credibility is on the line. The front line!

IT VOCALIZES COMMITMENT. It’s OK to not know everything. But it’s also OK to tell a customer that his question is important enough that you will go out of your way to find the answer. See, without this display of commitment, you’re toast. Because customers only give you (and your company) credit for that which they SEE and HEAR you do consistently. And consistency is far better than rare moments of greatness.

Ultimately, your job as a front line employee; call center operator or PDX rep is not only to provide approachable service, but to CHANGE PEOPLE’S MINDS.

About their problem.
About your company.
About your level of service.
About YOU as an individual!

So, next time you get stumped by a tricky customer question, just remember: customers want answers. Solutions. First call resolutions! And even if you’re not exactly sure what those are, that doesn’t mean you can’t respond in a confident, competent and approachable manner.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What do you say when you don’t know?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Post your Phrases That Payses here!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
Author/Speaker/That Guy with the Nametag
www.hellomynameisscott.com

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If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t

The other day I (thought) I was having an epiphany:

“If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.”

BRILLIANT! I was all excited to write about it, blog it, and eventually take credit for that statement as my own original thought.

But.

The Google informs me that Margaret Thatcher first uttered that quotation like, 50 years ago.

Damn it.

MINI-LESSON LEARNED: Every time you think you’ve said something witty, brilliant and original, google it first. Odds are, someone’s already said it before you.

Anyway, notwithstanding my apparent unoriginality, I still wanted to expound on Large Marge’s profound statement.

If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.

It’s about humility.
It’s about confidence.
It’s about actions, not words.
It’s about showing, not telling.

First example.

ChefManifesto.com is a project to collect observations from the people on the front lines in the restaurant business. In a recent blog post, one contributor from Colorado shared the following story:

A couple came into our restaurant last night. It was standing room only and an hour waitlist. They heard that and informed the hostess that waiting for a table wasn’t going to work for them because they were “V.I.P’s” I’m sorry, but if you have to tell someone you are a VIP, you probably aren’t.

Thanks, Chef.

Interestingly, this statement can also work when reversed:

“If you have to tell people you AREN’T, you are.”

Second example.

I once had a stalker. Every day for about two months he would leave creepy messages on my voicemail beginning with, “Look Scott, I’m not a stalker or anything, but…”

Yeah.

Seriously. If you have to tell someone you’re NOT a stalker; you’re a stalker!

So, here’s the deal:

If you are, people will know.

And if they don’t know yet, they WILL.

Either from their own experience or from someone (they trust) telling them.

No need to shove it down their throats.

“A city on a hill cannot be hidden.”

(Whoever said that ☺ )

LET ASK YA THIS…
Why do you think people tell other people that they are?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
What could people say (do) instead?

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
Author/Speaker/That Guy with the Nametag
www.hellomynameisscott.com

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SSTOP! How to Approach Complaining Customers

Let’s say a customer comes to you with a complaint.

Maybe in person, via email or over the phone.

What’s the best approach?

It’s simple: SSTOP!

No, that wasn’t a typo. You read it right: SSTOP. And it represents a five-step process for approaching problems, diffusing anger, changing minds and winning the customer back. Let’s take a look.

S is for SURPRISE.

Psychologically, if you respond to a problem, complaint or accusation with surprise, three things happen. First, you begin to diffuse anger. Secondly, your reactive response comes off as natural and sincere. Lastly, the customer is more willing to forgive you.

PHRASES THAT PAYSES: “Really?”

Really is one of the most versatile words in the English language. It exudes both concern and curiosity. And based on the severity of the problem, changing the inflection of your voice indicates numerous emotions. For example, stop reading right now. Try saying the word really two times: first with a low pitch and second with a high pitch.

Two totally different meanings, right?

CUSTOMER: “Hi, this is Miss Jackson from room 2321. Um, I asked for a non-smoking room, but I think Joe Camel must have stayed here last night.”

YOU: “Really?”

OK. Great job. You’ve immediately displayed concern for the problem. Let’s move on to step two.

S is for SORRY.

Customers don’t want apologies, they want solutions. Still, saying you’re sorry never hurts. You still need to take ownership of the problem. And an effective technique for doing so is to combine “Sorry” with its polar opposite: thank you.

PHRASES THAT PAYSES: Sorry + Thank You.

CUSTOMER: “Hi, this is Miss Jackson from room 2321. Um, I asked for a non-smoking room, but I think Joe Camel must have stayed here last night.”

YOU: “Really? I’m sorry about that Miss Jackson, thanks for telling me.”

Good. You’ve showed surprise. You’ve thanked the customer. Now Miss Jackson is reassured that you’re on top of the problem. Let’s continue on.

T is for THAT’S.

Step three is absolutely crucial. This is where you ensure the customer that her problem isn’t normal. That it’s an anomaly. And whatever happened to her is inconsistent with the type of service your company traditionally provides.

PHRASES THAT PAYSES: “That’s not normal,” “That’s horrible!” “That’s strange,” or, if possible, “In all the years I’ve been working here, that’s never happened!”

CUSTOMER: “Hi, this is Miss Jackson from room 2321. Um, I asked for a non-smoking room, but I think Joe Camel must have stayed here last night.”

YOU: “Really? I’m sorry about that Miss Jackson, thanks for telling me. You know, that’s not normal at my hotel.”

Excellent! You’ve showed surprise, thanked her, even taken ownership and reassured Miss Jackson that her problem isn’t the standard of service. Now it’s time to win her back.

O is for OFFERING.

When I worked at the Ritz-Carlton, every employee was empowered up to $2000.

It was pretty amazing.

If a guest was so upset that an apology wouldn’t even scratch the surface, we had the power to offer them a free night (or weekend!) stay at our hotel. Sometimes the guest would be SO delighted at the offering, they’d actually come out better than if there hadn’t been a problem in the first place! (This is known as the Customer Recovery Paradox.)

PHRAES THAT PAYSES: Combine one of the following reassurance responders with your offering, “The best way for me to help you right now,” “Here’s what I can do,” (or if you want to have some fun), “You’re in luck!” “Well, I have good news for you!” “Today’s your lucky day!” or “Fortunately I work miracles!”

CUSTOMER: “Hi, this is Miss Jackson from room 2321. Um, I asked for a non-smoking room, but I think Joe Camel must have stayed here last night.”

YOU: “Really? I’m sorry about that Miss Jackson, thanks for telling me. You know, that’s not normal at my hotel. Fortunately, I work miracles!”

Perfect. You’re almost done SSTOPing this problem!

P is for PROMISE.

The three most beautiful words of Approachable Service are PERSONALLY and RIGHT AWAY. Not someone else. Not your boss. YOU. And not “as soon as I can.” Not “as soon as possible.” RIGHT AWAY. As in, I promise to take care of this problem now.

CUSTOMER: “Hi, this is Miss Jackson from room 2321. Um, I asked for a non-smoking room, but I think Joe Camel must have stayed here last night.”

YOU: “Really? I’m sorry about that Miss Jackson, thanks for telling me. You know, that’s not normal at my hotel. Fortunately, I work miracles! And I will personally get you a new room right away.”

CUSTOMER: “Wow! Thanks for taking care of this problem quickly. That’s why I love this hotel. In fact, I am going to recommend that you be promoted to General Manager.”

Wow, GM? Look at you! Well done.

OK. Let’s do a quick review of SSTOP:

SURPRISE – respond as if the problem is news to you.
SORY – apology PLUS thank you.
THAT’S – inconsistent with your service.
OFFERING – to win them back.
PROMISE – to do it personally and right away.

Next time you need to approach a disappointed customer, remember these five steps, and you’ll be sure to SSTOP the problem!

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What’s your approach to SSTOP customer complaints?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Share it with us!

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
Author/Speaker/That Guy with the Nametag
www.hellomynameisscott.com

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Sorry Service vs. Thankful Service

Imagine you’re waiting in line at the airport.

A really LONG line.

BAD NEWS: you’ve missed your connecting flight. There’s no way you’ll make it to your meeting on time.

After about twenty-five frustrating minutes, you finally approach the counter. You throw down your luggage, put your hands on your hips and exclaim, “You know, I’ve been waiting here for nearly half an hour!”

And the first words out of the front desk agent’s mouth are, “I’m sooooo sorry. See, what happened was…”

No.

You don’t want to hear “Sorry.”

Sorry doesn’t cut it.
Sorry doesn’t make you feel better.
Sorry doesn’t put the delicious Triscuit crackers in your stomach, now does it?

NEW RULE: customers don’t want to hear the word “Sorry.”

It’s negative.
It’s usually followed by excuses.
It’s focused on the wrong person. (i.e., NOT the customer)

A great suggestion is to replace “Sorry” with “Thanks.”

Thanking (instead of apologizing) just sounds better. And it demonstrates empathy and concern. What’s more, it immediately puts a positive spin on an otherwise negative encounter.

Let’s go back to the airport example for a minute. Which one of the following phrases would you, as the customer, rather hear?

1. “I’m sorry you’ve been waiting such a long time, Ma’am.”
2. “Thanks for waiting such a long time, Ma’am.”

My money’s on number two. And here’s why.

“Sorry” is problem-oriented. It sucks the positivity out of a conversation. In fact, it’s such a negative word that it actually elicits more of the same.

Here, I’ll prove it to you. Stop reading this article for a sec and say aloud (in your best customer service voice), “I’m so sorry you had to wait…”

Kind of hard to follow that phrase with a positive comment, isn’t it?
Kind or hard to articulate that phrase with a smile, isn’t it?

In most cases, “Sorry” is followed by more apologies, more excuses and more complaints. No good.

On the other hand, “Thanks” is solution-oriented. It plasters positivity into a conversation. In fact, it’s such an optimistic word that it actually elicits more of the same.

Once again, let me prove it to you. Stop reading this article for a sec and say aloud (in your best customer service voice), “Thank you for waiting…”

Aha! Sounds a lot better, doesn’t it?

Kind of hard to follow that phrase with a negative comment, isn’t it?
Kind of hard to articulate that phrase without a smile, isn’t it?

See, in most cases, “Thanks” is followed by more solutions, more positives and more focus on the customer.

So, instead of apologizing, here’s a quick list of ways to thank your customers:

“Thanks for waiting.”
“Thanks for your patience.”
“Thanks for telling me that.”
“Thanks for pointing that out.”
“Thanks for coming in tonight.”
“Thanks for putting up with us.”
“Thanks for bringing that to our attention.”

In closing, let’s explore Sorry Service vs. Thankful Service in a completely different context: dating.

Let’s say you’re on a hot date.

It’s almost midnight. Fearing that you will morph into a pumpkin, your date drops you off at home. And as the two of you approach the front door, he or she says one of the following things:

“I’m so sorry you had to go out with me tonight. I know I was late, and the dinner kind of sucked. And I swear to God that’s the first time I’ve ever run over someone’s cat before!”

Or.

“Thanks for going out with me tonight. I had a blast. We really connected! And I would love to do it again sometime.”

What would you rather hear?

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Do you give Sorry Service or Thankful Service?

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What’s the best example of Thankful Service you’ve received in 2007?

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
Author/Speaker/That Guy with the Nametag
www.hellomynameisscott.com

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Confessions of a Lunch Whore

Over the years I’ve had so many lunches with so many people, I can’t even keep them straight.

My guess is, it’s probably somewhere around the 300’s.

Many of these invitations come via email or phone; often from people who: (a) sat in one of my audiences, (b) bought one of my books, (c) stumbled across my website or (d) read about me somewhere.

I’m always honored to receive them.

Obviously, people visited my website to obtain my contact information. Which is fine. That’s why I post it there.

Obviously, they understand why I wear a nametag 24-7: to make people friendlier.

And obviously, they feel that I’m approachable. So approachable, in fact, that they say, “What the heck? He’s a friendly guy. He’ll have lunch with anybody!”

Well, yes and no. I wouldn’t go so far as to call me a Lunch Whore. But yes, for the most part, I’ve accepted most of the invitations that have been extended to me in the last 2,268 days. Whether they were breakfasts, lunches, dinners, coffees or after work drinks, I was usually up for it.

Because I believe in serendipity.
Because I believe in expanding my network.
Because I believe in learning from new people.

Over the years I’ve met some amazing people, too.

People like Kristi Govertson. The math teacher who saw me on CNN, went to my website, emailed me the next day and invited me to meet her at Starbucks.

So I did. And we hit it off instantly! We became great friends, and still are to this day. I even remember the time I suffered through a tough breakup and Kristi was the one who dragged me to Ben & Jerry’s to cheer up my broken heart. (Sniff)

Or people like Jim Henderson. The Pastor who read an article about my book, dropped me an email and suggested meeting up.

A few weeks later Jim and I met in person. He happened to be traveling via Portland to Seattle, so the timing was perfect. Once again, we hit it off. As a fellow speaker, Jim and I had a lot in common. And over the years we’ve stayed in touch, shared ideas, even helped promote each other’s work.

And people like Andy Masters. Both of us were members of the St. Louis Publishers Association. Both of us were young authors. And both of us graduated from the same high school, albeit a decade apart.

I’ll never forget our first lunch. We must have laughed for an hour straight! The waitress probably though we were nuts. Our brainstorming session was monstrously productive. Both of us walked away with dozens of new marketing ideas for our respective projects. And today, I consider him to be one of my closest friends.

The list goes on and on. I bet I could write an entire book about people like Kristi, Jim and Andy.

However.

Not all of my coffees and lunches came out that successful.

Like the time I got duped into having lunch with that nice lady, Susan. Who tried to sell me Amway.

Like the time I met up with Jon, who claimed to have “an idea that could help my business.” He turned out to be a tabletop advertising salesman.

Or like the time I thought I was having a lunch meeting with Dick, who said he wanted to book me for a speech. Two painful hours later I realized it was high-pressure sales pitch for a personal banking pyramid scheme.

And then there was the time I agreed to have coffee with Bob, one of my audience members. He not only tried to sell me insurance, but also had the audacity to ask me for ten referrals of friends and family members who “also might be interested in his services.”

Oh, and don’t forget about Julie. We had a great lunch together, sharing ideas about small business success. I thought we would become colleagues. That is, until she suckered me into one of those transformational-learning Jedi-mind-trick-bullshit cult seminars where they don’t even let you leave the room to pee.

Still, my all-time favorite would have to be Edna. She sent me a hand-written letter in the mail, three years after hearing me speak. Edna needed help publishing her book. I agreed to meet her for lunch to offer some advice.

Little did I know that Edna was an 83 year-old paranoid schizophrenic who claimed that the FBI had inserted a tracking device in her frontal lobe in order to control her mind so she wouldn’t blab to the politicians in Washington about the 18 year history of abduction and torture performed on her son by Hilary Clinton’s advisors.

I know. You can’t make this stuff up.

Sadly, the second list goes on and on too. I bet I could write another book about people like Susan, Jon, Dick, Bob, Julie and Edna.

Because apparently, some people aren’t after your friendship.

They’re after your money. Or your connections. Or your secrets. Or your smarts. Or in Edna’s case, your brain itself.

Here’s the thing. I’m grateful for all of the coffee and lunch friends I’ve made since I started wearing a nametag seven years ago. Business. Personal. Whatever. I love these people! Especially the ones who became close friends and colleagues. You can’t put a price on that stuff.

But some people have a lot of nerve.

And I’m tired of being taken advantage of.

Everyone has to draw the line somewhere. It IS possible to be TOO approachable!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to head over to McDonald’s. I just got a call from some strange guy named Gus. I don’t know much about him other than he was just released from prison on a murder charge. Said he was a big fan of my work. And he asked me to bring a copy of my book, a change of clothes and an ice pick.

Sounds like a nice guy.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Have you ever regretted meeting someone for lunch or coffee?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Create your own “Opportunity Filter” by asking the following four questions to strange people who want to get together: 1) What is your full name? (So you can Google them), 2) Who do you work for and what is your job title? 3) What (specifically) would you like to discuss during our meeting? and 4) What positive motivation do you have behind this meeting?

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
Author/Speaker/That Guy with the Nametag
www.hellomynameisscott.com

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4 Communication Confidence Builders

Confident communication comes from winning small victories first. Here are 4 techniques to help you gain the edge…

1. Avoid starting your responses or conversations with hedging phrases and immediate personal discounters. These fillers give off the impression the you’re hiding behind your words and refusing to commit. They also have the power to negate whatever you say next. Examples include:

“I was just going to say…”
“I’m not sure if I’m right, but…”
“I don’t know if…”
“This is probably a stupid question…”

State your point confidently. No need to add extra words.

2. Take yourself on a date ALONE. Go to a fun place. Act like a real date. This will build your confidence and boost feelings of independence. (I do this at least once a month – it’s the best!)

3. Use self-disclosure openings as conversation starters. They ease communication apprehension, offer insight into you and appeal to the inherent helpful nature of other people. Examples include:

“Hi, I don’t know anybody here!”
“This is my first time here.”
“I’ve never been to Dallas before.”

4. Avoid the word “interested.” It doesn’t have the confidence and persuasion of “willing.” It also uses more active language because it removes an “-ing” suffix from the sentence. For example, which of the following questions sound more confident?

“Dave, would you be interested in giving me your email?”
“Dave, would you be willing to give me your email?”

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What’s your best confidence builder?

LET ME SUGGEST THIS…
Make the list grow! Post your confidence builders here.

* * * *
Scott Ginsberg
Author/Speaker/That Guy with the Nametag
www.hellomynameisscott.com

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