Skilled at finding unfriendly forces to blame

Isn’t it amazing how it’s always the other person who’s being difficult?

The disillusionment of love is always blamed on the other. We’re never the crazy ones.

Psychologists researched an interesting phenomenon called the actor observer bias, where people tend to attribute their own behavior to their circumstances, but attribute other people’s behaviors to their dispositions.

When somebody else does it, it’s their fault, but when you do it, it’s because of the situation you’re in.

Or as my old boss used to say, nobody comes home from work thinking they’re the asshole.

And so, clearly, taking extreme ownership is not the most natural response for human beings. It’s easier, more effective, and frankly more fun, to unholster our fingers and direct them outward.

Dilbert’s boss comes to mind. His project failed massively, and he needed to avoid taking responsibility, so he marked his employee with the plunger of blame. Dilbert was then told by the janitor:

Eventually your body will absorb the plunger of blame and turn it into the wrinkles of experience, then you die.

Your failures probably won’t be as severe, but the lesson still stands. If we become too skilled at keeping our defenses up, ducking blame and avoiding initiative, eventually, it’s going to catch up with us.

Someone is going to call us out, and we’ll have no leg to stand on.

One strategy that’s helpful is to find ways to make it your fault. To do so, adopt an attitude of wonder instead of blame. Some questions you might ask. 

What was my role in this problem? What have I done to bring this misfortune upon myself? What is about me or in me that has invited or attracted this into my life?

Even if you think your hands are clean, dig deeper.

Surely there is some contribution to the problem that’s worth owning and learning from. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Are you aware of your personal bias that get in the way of taking extreme ownership?