Preserving the illusion of hard work

Most email programs have something called a delay send functionality.

This allows you to write your message now, and have it sent at a later date and time, rather than going out immediately.

Productivity experts say it increases your average open rate by timing an email for peak work hours.

Pretty cool trick, huh?

And yet, the most fascinating part of this feature is, certain employees will use it deceptively. As a tactic for preserving the illusion of productivity and hard work.

My colleague who runs human resources for a startup tells me that she’ll hear about workers who delay send all their important emails, just after midnight, each evening. Knowing that key people would notice the time stamp on their message the next day and wonder what the hell they were doing in the office so late.

Meanwhile, those employees would be sound asleep in their beds.

Isn’t that deliciously shrewd?

Seinfeld once had an episode about this. Constanza locked his keys in his car at work, left it there overnight, and caused the company executives to think he was working extra hard.

Funny how easily we can deceive people into believing that we’re committed to the job.

However, two can play at that game. If labor can pull one over on management, perhaps it’s time to turn the tables.

After all, firing underperforming employees is expensive, confrontational and requires a lot of paper. And no business owner wants to pay out unemployment and risk a lawsuit.

That’s where my new consulting service comes into play. It’s an executive education program for making your employee’s life a living hell in a subtle and passive aggressive ways.

In only five minutes a day, our trainers will teach you how to wear somebody down slowly but efficiently with our inventory of underhanded tactics. Now you can wear people down, keep profits up.

Man, the human resources society really should give me a medal for these ideas.

Somebody has to solve the productivity crisis in this country, and it may as well be me.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What’s your favorite tactic for preserving the illusion of hard work?