One complimentary season pass to my perpetually unfolding life drama

Some people wake up in the morning fraught with potential crises.

They constantly feel that the bottom is about to fall out. Minor details that would be nonissues to others seem like insurmountable hurdles to them. Having to cope with life’s daily events is a second full time job.

And they’re either late, afraid of being late, or freaking out because they were late.

As a result of this toxic emotional baseline, they have a continual need for others to serve as their sounding boards. They live for long debriefing sessions and pep talks, where they can exaggerate the gravity of their manufactured emergencies.

Do you have someone in your life like this? Does it ever seem like a form of theater to them?

It’s a frustrating and bizarre thing. Like the guy at my yoga studio who always took the same class as me. He was constantly asking for my advice about whether he should get his master’s degree, join the military, go full time as a print model, start a business with his girlfriend, study to become a stock broker, or relocate down to the jungle and become a plant medicine shaman.

It was a bit much for seven in the morning. The guy was all over the place. Each time we’d chat before or after class, it turned into his little one act play. He bombarded me with all of these mini traumas.

But he must have smelled my codependent, midwestern, passive aggressive nature. Drama queens usually have a nose for people like me. They seek out competent, compassionate individuals who love being the hero to save another person from themselves. And then they suck the savior in by becoming this sad creature who needs their help. Works every time.

Because when you’re the sounding board, you feel a gratifying sense of service and support and usefulness. You’re a good friend. A great listener. You’re the lighthouse for that person, and if you collapse, they’ll collapse too.

Which is why you let them unload on you all the time without putting up a fuss.

The problem with this dynamic is, it leads to a vicious cycle of unhealthy dependence for them, and resentment for you. They never learn how to regulate themselves properly and troubleshoot issues on their own. And the onslaught of requests and intrusions makes you feel helpless like you’re drowning.

But because the gratification of managing havoc in someone else’s life outweighs the fear and guilt of telling them how much they’re exhausting you, the cycle perpetuates.

Whew, what an exchange.

Have you ever been sucked into one of those dramatic interpersonal vortexes before? It’s surprisingly difficult to unhook from. Like trying to kick heroin. The sweet neurochemical high of helping someone is deeply intoxicating, and the withdrawal symptoms of telling someone that their needs aren’t our priority at the moment is very painful.

However, we must remember to set boundaries. We must remember that each of us has the right to let others know when their actions are unacceptable us.

Yes, we fear they’ll abandon us if we stop being there for them all the time. But in reality, they will be fine. And so will we.

Besides, what’s the alternative? Being a human landfill for other people’s emotional waste until the end of time?

Next time someone offers you a complimentary season pass to their perpetually unfolding life drama, tell them you’re not much of a theater person.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
With whom do you need to have a courageous conversation to reinforce your boundaries?