Not every unstoppable force needs an immovable object

There’s no such thing as a person who is always right.

Certain people may over index on intelligence, intuition and prescience, and their batting average may be an order of magnitude higher than the rest of us.

But do the math. At eight billion strong, the human experience is far too complicated, dynamic and immense for anyone to always be right. People are fallible and prone to errors in judgment, perception and understanding. The most knowledgeable and intelligent among us still make mistakes and hold incorrect beliefs.

Wikipedia has this great page that shares the limitations and potential inaccuracies of the information found on its own website.

The irony is not lost on me. I’m ecstatic that the seventh most visited website on the internet admits to not always being totally reliable. Apparently the greatest cosmic powers in existence are still susceptible to the occasional slip up.

The question is, how can we explain why certain people earn the coveted label of always being right? Could it be luck? Reputation? Cognitive bias? Ego protection? Entitlement? Overconfidence? Emotional attachment? Maybe the low exposure to new perspectives?

It makes me think of my first mentor, my eleventh grade english teacher. Bill often told us with a wink and a smile, if I give you a piece of advice, and you’re not sure if I’m right, wait a while.

Now, I’m sure a large part of his comment was entertainment value for us kids. Although, looking back over the thirty years of our relationship, his batting average was remarkably high. Bill usually was right.

Life is full of exceptions like that. But outside of the edge cases, here is my theory.

If you know a person who is always right, it’s not because they’re actually right. It’s because it’s too exhausting to keep fighting with them about whatever the issue is, so you simply pretend that they’re right, even when they’re wrong and you know it, because they wouldn’t accept reality anyway, and it’s not worth the effort to convince them otherwise.

Let them have it. Let them be in love with their opinion.

Because do you really want to try and stop that train? Is the upside honestly going to outweigh the cost of the labor, time and stress of bringing that locomotive to a stop?

Maybe it’s my codependent, midwestern, conflict avoidant personality speaking here, but it’s rarely worth the effort. I don’t want people walking all over me or anything, but one man’s unstoppable force doesn’t need another man’s immovable object.

I don’t care to meddle with powers I can’t possibly comprehend.

Whose mind are you still working overtime to change? Could you improve your ability to notice that reality and respond better?

One suggestion is to look for repeated patterns in people’s behavior. If you notice there is a certain area in which they consistently hold unwavering opinions, disregard opposing viewpoints and objective facts, and resist any form of change, try giving yourself a code phrase.

It sounds a bit cheesy, but when this moment happens to me, I literally say to myself, there’s no stopping that train.

This visually driven mantra is fun, memorable, and conveys a sense of the train’s momentum. What’s more, it helps me accept the reality that certain people are firmly entrenched in their beliefs and resistant to change.

remind myself, oh right, their perspective is beyond my control here, and there are more meaningful avenues to invest my finite time and resources.

The best part is, now that I’ve detached from my role as the immovable object to their unstoppable force, I have the space to make them feel seen and heard. I can use my imagination to find a way to be on their side, even if deep down I think they’re batshit crazy.

And that last part is the hardest. Because it’s one thing to accept that there’s no stopping that train. It’s another to act as if it’s moving in the right direction.

You really have to make the empathetic leap.

Sometimes it’s easier to let people be right.

Not every unstoppable force needs an immovable object.

Who do you know that is always right?