Maturity glasses, part 1

The less we operate at the extremes, the wiser we become.

Once we humbly accept that life is a deeply complex and subtle experience; and once we stop chasing absolutes and start embracing reality on reality’s terms, we finally learn to sanely connect to self, other and the world.

This is the essence of what it means to be a mature human being. It’s the stuff enlightenment is made of.

Eastern religions labeled it the middle path. Stoic philosophers referred to it as the golden mean. Cognitive behavioral therapists describe it as wise mind. Political scientists named it centrism.

The best part about this approach to life is, it doesn’t mean we have no opinion on anything. Only that we’re focused on critical thinking, pragmatic solutions, and flexible needs within our current situation, regardless of their relationship to the status quo.

Sounds peaceful, doesn’t it?

There’s only one problem.

We live in a profoundly polarized world. Today, everything is somehow against something else. Extremes are what make the most noise, and therefore, earn the most votes, views and clicks. If a given idea is not black or white, right or wrong, good or bad, it fades into the din. Both sides will accuse you of not agreeing with them enough and you’ll face blocking from all directions.

The mantras go, if you’re not with us, you’re against us. You’re either part of the solution or part of the problem.

But maybe it’s not too late. Maybe there’s a way to navigate the path which meanders between extremes.

Below I will introduce a new tool called the maturity glasses. This helps you cultivate wisdom and navigate life’s complexities, without getting wrapped up in the fiery wings of absolutes. This framework offers lenses, for interpreting experiences. Each has a color assignment that evokes the essence and characteristics of the idea, providing a visual representation that aligns with their respective concepts.

The first is the green lens of intention.

Intention is the mental state in which a person commits themselves to a course of action. Green is associated with growth and harmony and renewal. It symbolizes the mental states and commitment to a course of action that individuals develop.

Consider these questions you can ask in complex situations to tease out the intention.

Say your boss has been a real pain in the ass in the past month. Highly critical of your work, he barely even cracks a smile when you try to lighten the mood. You might ask this.

Are there any external factors, like work related pressures, that might be influencing my boss’s behavior?

Listen, if the board of directors is breathing down his neck to justify department budgets, that might explain his behavior of shitting on every good idea you have. Or if the company is trying to raise another round of capital, it’s possible he is trimming expenses to make the company financials more attractive to investors.

Of course he is coming down hard, not only you, but everyone. H

ere’s another helpful intention question.

Could this person’s uncharacteristic behavior be driven by something personal that I couldn’t possibly understand?

For all you know, your boss lost a grandparent, got divorced and got diagnosed with a kidney stone, all in the same week. He’s not mad because you’re turning in poor work, but because his heart and his urethra are aching.

You didn’t do anything wrong, you just got caught in the blast radius.

Look, an ounce of reflection is worth a pound of assumption. Your boss’s actions may be jarring and stressful to you in the moment, but compassion reminds us that every story has your side, my side, and the truth.