Look behind you for the frying pan

The expression, buttering me up, means to overly flatter someone in the hopes of getting something in return.

The phrase has religious origins. Hindu temples popularized the ritual hundreds of years ago, where worshippers would throw balls of ghee, clarified butter, at statues of their deities. By buttering up the gods, so to speak, worshippers would be rewarded with peace and good harvest.

What’s interesting to me is when this expression plays out in the workplace.

Like the time my coworker told our management team that she had difficulty accepting our founder’s praise as being genuine. He’s just buttering me up to do more work, she said.

Which got a hearty laugh during our meeting, but not from me. Because this is a real problem she’s going to have to contend with. And she’s not alone. This is a very common inner experience.

If you’re someone who often deflects, denies or distrusts positive feedback because you feel people are just buttering you up, consider that one or more of the following internal things are happening.

One, you don’t respect yourself as being someone worthy of admiration.
Two, you think putting yourself down makes you seem humble.
Three, you have a fear that people will be proven wrong and find out what a fraud you are.
Four, you don’t trust people who show affection to you because you don’t show affection to yourself.

It’s like the comedian whose standup revolves around how much he hates himself. The moment audience members start laughing and clapping, he immediately resents them for loving him. Because clearly, they have poor taste in humans.

Where are you on that spectrum? Are you free enough to risk being seen by other people, or are you looking behind you for the frying pan?

Gawain writes about this in her book on creating true prosperity. She says if we have had early life experiences of being physically or emotionally abused by someone with power, or if we have witnessed someone misusing power, we may be deeply imprinted with a fear of power. Afraid that if we become too visible, we will be noticed and abused again. We equate being seen with being unsafe.

Sounds awful. Even if someone doesn’t have a history of abuse, the fear is similar.

When all eyes, or even two eyes, are on fixed on us, people will see the ugly truth of who we really are.

No thank you. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS
How well do you take compliments?