Joy dries up to the extent that we monitor the equity in the transaction

We can feel proud of every step we take forward, but we can also feel proud of every step the people that we love take forward.

Buddhists call this mudita, aka compersion, or vicarious joy. Pleasure from delighting in other people’s wellbeing.

Think of it as the opposite of compassion, which means to suffer with. Compersion means to celebrate with. Witnessing other people’s positive experiences and finding satisfaction in them.

However, if you have pockets of scarcity and resentment in your heart, this expression of love will be difficult for you. Watching someone you love step into the uniqueness of their journey might trigger comparative and competitive thinking. Their ship might come in and knock the wind out of your sails, which might make you want to either punch them in the face, kick yourself in the ass, or both.

That’s normal. Most of us have been conditioned to view other people’s wins as our losses. To believe that when someone else drinks from the stream of life’s abundance, we should weep at the loss of water.

But that’s an immature understanding of prosperity. Turns out, joy is a deep, inexhaustible wellspring. It’s a renewable resource that only dries up to the extent that we monitor the equity in the transaction.

Any time we’re willing to express joy at someone else’s success, that energy reflects back to us. It’s a reminder that our security in world can’t come from other people living up to our expectations, but our joy can come from them living up to theirs.

This brings me to one of my top daily rituals. Making entries in my victory log.

This is a small calendar that I populate with any and all victories, large or small. And what’s fascinating about this practice is, lately it has evolved to include greater compersion.

Because one out of every ten entries on the log is someone else’s accomplishment, of which my help was a small part. Perhaps a close friend launches their new website that they asked me to give feedback on, a coworker finishes a client project that I was able to add value to, or my wife aces an interview that we stayed up late preparing for.

Their victories are my victories. Their joys are my joys. It’s not about whether they thank me for their help, all that matters is that we share a moment of joy together, as the knots grow tighter on the ropes that bind us.

If someone you love is taking positive steps to move their story forward, please remember this.

The reward for cheering isn’t so that other people will return the favor when you win too. The reward is being the carrier of joy. The reward is growing your capacity to experience and share delight.

That’s the gift.

Instead of paying greater attention to the people who don’t clap when you win, go invest your energy putting our hands together when somebody you love crosses the finish line.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Whose name needs to go on your victory log?