How our eyes grow accustomed to the dark

It’s called the pursuit of happiness because it takes real work.

And the mistake we make along the way is believing that happiness is intentional.

It’s not. Happiness is incidental. It’s a side effect. It’s not the target, it’s the reward we get for hitting it.

Maybe instead of buying into the happiness industrial complex, what would be more productive is an apprenticeship in the art of acceptance.

Not acquiescence, the passive agreement without protest, but acceptance, the confronting of reality on reality’s terms. Allowing the world to be what it is.

Ellis, my favorite psychologist, once wrote that the more often and more strongly we work toward this acceptance, the better we will feel about ourselves.

Here’s an exercise.

Think back to the last few things you intentionally accepted, despite their imperfection and inconsistency with your own desire.

Maybe it was that decision you didn’t agree with at work.

Maybe it was the location for your family reunion.

Maybe it was the decision of where to eat dinner over the weekend.

Odds are, if you accepted these moments, there was incidental happiness. Even if you didn’t realize it at the time.

Because every little act of acceptance allows us to relax a little bit more.

That’s certainly the case for me. It’s like each acceptance of some challenge makes you grow into a better person. Still flawed, still figuring it out, but incrementally better than before.

The alternative is fighting with what is, which is akin to carrying around disorder of expectations, seeing everything through that filter, while happiness eludes you.

Incidental, not intentional. Not an insignificant distinction.

When we make peace with the life that we’re actually living, it’s amazing how much space opens up for joy.

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
What if happiness could only be achieved by paying the price called acceptance?