Exorcising past ghosts of insecurity

Miller’s book on finding true intimacy reminds us that people clapping for us is a nice thing,
but it’s better to have somebody who is more in love with us than impressed by

It’s a beautiful lesson for our most intimate relationships. 

In fact,
outside of the bedroom, it’s also applicable to the boardroom. Because the
workplace is the other venue where we tend to behave in ways that broadcast our

When I think back to all of the job interviews and pitch meetings
and client presentations I’ve made over the years, part of me wishes I could go
back and apologize to all of those people. 

Because knowing me, I was probably
trying so hard to be needed and likeable and entertaining and impressive, that
I failed to leave gaps in which I could just breathe and be present to the needs
of the room. 

Wait a minute, why aren’t you more impressed with me? Fuck you for
not knowing I’m famous. How dare you not relish in my success. 

Behold, the
distracting noises of insecurity. If only we knew that we didn’t have to do all
that for people to love us. 

I have a friend whose shrink calls him on the
carpet every time he makes a joke during therapy. 

I’m sure you’re very funny,
she says, but I’m sure that’s not why you’re here today. 

That’s what we do. We
put on a show. Not because we want to, but because we’re hiding behind the
performance. Becoming insecure in ways nobody had previously thought possible. 

And so, the healthiest way out of this emotional blind alley is trust. Trusting
that we don’t have to do all that for people to love us. Trusting that who we
already are is sufficient to get what we want. Trusting that we are good enough
and we don’t have to spend our life proving that we are. 

Remember, the only
place to seek security is in the shelter of our own resources. 

They provide us
with a secure base from which to operate.


How would your relationships looked different if you abandoned altogether your search for applause?LET ME SUGGEST THIS… 

For the list called, “99 Ways to Think Like an Entrepreneur, Even If You Aren’t One,” send an email to me, and you win the list for free!

* * * *

Scott Ginsberg

That Guy with the Nametag

Author. Speaker. Strategist. Inventor. Filmmaker. Publisher. Songwriter.  



Never the same speech twice. Customized for your audience. Impossible to walk away uninspired.

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