Constricting your capacity to live fully

Despite being the world’s foremost expert on nametags, labeling is something that I try to stay away from.

Not physically, obviously, as there has literally been a label on my shirt every day for over twenty years of my life.

But the practice of mentally, intellectual and emotionally labeling myself, that’s a different story. It’s just so tempting to grossly dismiss my own value by virtue of slapping a word onto my identity.

My ego says that labeling is a shorthand that provides helpful information, but it’s really just vanity. The act of labeling mostly just diminishes my capacity to fulfill my true potential.

Ellis, the pioneering psychologist who taught millions to think more rationally, writes about the dangerous practice of labeling in one of his books. He found that once a person labels themselves, they not only look for evidence to confirm that label, but also predict that they won’t ever be able to change from it.

Ellis write:

A word or a name or a behavior is not you. You are not what you do or what group you join. You are a living, creative, process. If you label yourself an alcoholic or an anything, and see it as unchangeable, you will restrict your growth. Most labels give you a plus or minus rating as a person. Once you buy into rating yourself as a person, you can get into trouble.

My favorite part of his philosophy is the part about each individual being a living, creative process. It’s such a beautiful and human way to understand ourselves.

Because we live in a world where cynics claim that people don’t change. And yet, the exact opposite is true. People only change. That’s all we do.

Buddhists use a term called anatta, which is the idea that humans have no permanent, underlying substance that can be called the soul. Instead, the individual is compounded of multiple factors that are constantly changing.

Doesn’t that seem more real? More human? Why torture ourselves with all these pejorative labels?

If we can find ways to ease that attachment, perhaps new possibilities will begin to arise for us.

This topic has been on my mind for several years now. Having transitioned my career significantly during my thirties, my beliefs on identity have shifted. I’ve learned how to break out of the habit of only seeing myself through one category. To focus more on my personhood and less on my profession.

My mentor even asked me once, how do you hold you career identity in your mind?

My answer was, I don’t.

To which she joked, isn’t it nice to not have a label?

Damn right it is. What a relief not to be so goddamned caught up in some assumed identity. It’s liberating.

Let me to cap off this meditation with a passage from my favorite blogger. Godin writes:

As soon as we put a word on it, we’ve started to tell a story, a caricature, a version of the truth but not the whole truth. The label removes us from reality. It takes us away from the actual experience.

Next time you thinking about adding yet another label to your identity, ask yourself how much it’s constricting your capacity to live fully.

It’s one thing to wear a tag to tell people your name, it’s another thing to attach a label that has a profound influence on how you define yourself. 

LET ME ASK YA THIS…
Are you taking into consideration your evolving assets as a person?