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We can't become mediocre friends with too many people. Because as we grow older, our days go faster than we think, and the fewer opportunities we have to be with those people. The upside is, the knots grow tighter on the ropes that bind us. When we’re apart, we think to ourselves, wow, isn’t it wonderful that we actually want to be friends with our friends? What blessing. The fact that the companions with whom we surround ourselves become instrumental...

Desire doesn't have to be specific or passionate to be real. It's okay to want something from a place or simplicity and generality. Just because we don't check the boxes of white hot longing and obsession doesn't mean our feelings aren't legitimate and shouldn’t be honored. The challenge is, we buy into these culturally sanctioned stories about what our desires should look like. Unwritten rules about what’s okay to want, or not want, and to what degree. And we think...

If we’re not connecting with other people in ways that create genuine relationships of meaning and depth, then why are we even here? Those precious connections are the cleanest, most life giving fuel that helps us to meet the demands of reality. These relationships structure our very selves. Those closest to us contribute to making us who we are. But the thing is, these bonds are not free. All relationships involve their own versions of economic systems that we make...

If it's true that you can't love anybody until you love yourself first, then the opposite must also be true. You can’t hate anybody until you hate yourself first. Look around. Anytime you observe someone acting in a hateful way towards others, that's not an accident. It's a release valve. They're trying to pay the pain forward. Because when you hate yourself, the only thing that makes you feel better is getting other people to feel the same way as...

My mentor had habit of asking penetrating questions that rocked me to my core. One in particular stuck with me, which he originally asked when I was trying to end an unhealthy relationship. Are you allowing this person to create a future with you that you’re obligated to be a part of? Not an easy thing to ask yourself. But what he was trying to teach me was, don't let the wrong people contribute too much to the things that...