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Defeated by the sheer power of your need
Broken hearts come from emotionally over investing. We decide that someone or something is the one. This is going to complete us and make us whole and change everything, so we place a dangerously high level of importance on it in our lives. This over investment gives that person or thing complete power over our emotions. But the joke’s on us. Because we are the ones who break our…
Millions of terrifying possibilities you can’t control
If something helps you secure a measure of control in a world of chaos, then it’s worth doing. Even if that sense of control is delusional, it still provides utility value. Because feeling able to influence your reality in any way is deeply motivating and satisfying. My therapist once told me, control may be an illusion, but empowerment isn’t. Meaning, if you believe that you have a role in…
One complimentary season pass to my perpetually unfolding life drama
Some people wake up in the morning fraught with potential crises. They constantly feel that the bottom is about to fall out. Minor details that would be nonissues to others seem like insurmountable hurdles to them. Having to cope with life’s daily events is a second full time job. And they’re either late, afraid of being late, or freaking out because they were late. As a result of this…
Searching for targets at which to spit our vitriol
If your entire identity centers around how much you hate someone or something else, you lost. If you define yourself solely by what you dislike rather than what you enjoy, you’re not living. Now, there’s no rule that says you have to love everything and everyone, but if your default response to the world is to demonize things, give problems even more energy and create unnecessary psychological fuel around…
Still the only thing people really pay for
When someone’s opinion goes against the majority it’s deemed unpopular. Which is essentially just code for wrong, infuriating, shameful and offensive. People are now ostracized, penalized and cancelled for what the world assumes they meant. Discourse is not even about listening anymore, it’s about judging. I’m right, you’re wrong, has officially degraded into, I’m right, you’re evil. This is why entire message boards and communities are built for people…
Keep the gulf between us from getting any bigger
A leading medical journal recently reported that only a quarter of doctors wear name badges, despite evidence that most patients believe their doctors should do so. The study showed that three fourths of patients were unable to name anyone when asked to recall the name of the physician in charge of their care, causing additional frustration. The irony is, most patients get dozens of identification tags from the moment…
Wait until you’re on steadier ground, and then decide
Making major life decisions when you’re emotionally overwhelmed is a bad idea. That’s like going grocery shopping during a five day fast. All those strong emotions distort your perception of reality, activate the decision making process with little oversight by the logical part of your brain, and incite you to take action on the wrong grounds. You begin pumping a cocktail of stress hormones into your bloodstream, feeling helpless…
Avoidance is a powerful coping mechanism, when used judiciously
Have you ever had an art attack? Not a heart attack, but an art attack? This is a real thing. Stendhal syndrome is what sometimes happens when people are exposed to art of great beauty. Audiences experience psychosomatic responses such as rapid heartbeat, fainting, confusion and even hallucinations. Kind of like those iconic black and white photos from the sixties. Beatles fans would watch their heroes arrive at the…
I’m not dead yet, and I wish people would stop burying me
Changing jobs can feel like attending your own funeral. Whether you quit, are forced to resign, get terminated, or go through corporate layoffs, the sensation is quite morbid. Particularly if there’s a time lag between the announcement and your departure. During those last few days or few weeks, fellow employees greet you with a look of fear. They see the devastation in your eyes and speak in hushed tones…
How is this person just like me?
Everyone is the same everywhere. We’re all on the same side of the fence, for better and for worse. Wherever we go, we end up with the same beauty and craziness of humanity, no matter who we meet. People are people. They generally act the same. Now, if this sounds like a gross overgeneralization to you, let me invite you to not be so ethnocentric. Because it’s a philosophy…
