Blog
I don’t have to know jack squat about astrophysics
A filter is a way of viewing our experience of reality. It’s a tool that frames our observations about the world and ultimately gives us better results than we would have without it. And there are as many filters as there are people to see through them. We can create and deploy as many of them as we want, once we discover how the filter creation process works. Below…
Playing a game of seek and no hide
Let’s talk about the things we hide behind. There are so many ways to avoid being seen, noticed or interacted with in this world. And each tactic is more fascinating and seductive than the next. That’s human nature for you. We’re all expert at using things to protect ourselves from criticism, punishment and vulnerability. We have been conditioned to quell many of our top fears, like the fear of…
Is that you asking, or your fear asking?
Do you know someone who needs to check in over and over again to make sure everything is okay? Someone whose repetitive need for reassurance drives all of your interactions? It’s totally exasperating when you’re on the receiving end of it. Particularly when someone’s level of distress is high. People’s reassurance compulsion often goes up when their life is coming apart at the seams, so they work overtime to…
Defeated by the sheer power of your need
Broken hearts come from emotionally over investing. We decide that someone or something is the one. This is going to complete us and make us whole and change everything, so we place a dangerously high level of importance on it in our lives. This over investment gives that person or thing complete power over our emotions. But the joke’s on us. Because we are the ones who break our…
Millions of terrifying possibilities you can’t control
If something helps you secure a measure of control in a world of chaos, then it’s worth doing. Even if that sense of control is delusional, it still provides utility value. Because feeling able to influence your reality in any way is deeply motivating and satisfying. My therapist once told me, control may be an illusion, but empowerment isn’t. Meaning, if you believe that you have a role in…
One complimentary season pass to my perpetually unfolding life drama
Some people wake up in the morning fraught with potential crises. They constantly feel that the bottom is about to fall out. Minor details that would be nonissues to others seem like insurmountable hurdles to them. Having to cope with life’s daily events is a second full time job. And they’re either late, afraid of being late, or freaking out because they were late. As a result of this…
Searching for targets at which to spit our vitriol
If your entire identity centers around how much you hate someone or something else, you lost. If you define yourself solely by what you dislike rather than what you enjoy, you’re not living. Now, there’s no rule that says you have to love everything and everyone, but if your default response to the world is to demonize things, give problems even more energy and create unnecessary psychological fuel around…
Still the only thing people really pay for
When someone’s opinion goes against the majority it’s deemed unpopular. Which is essentially just code for wrong, infuriating, shameful and offensive. People are now ostracized, penalized and cancelled for what the world assumes they meant. Discourse is not even about listening anymore, it’s about judging. I’m right, you’re wrong, has officially degraded into, I’m right, you’re evil. This is why entire message boards and communities are built for people…
Keep the gulf between us from getting any bigger
A leading medical journal recently reported that only a quarter of doctors wear name badges, despite evidence that most patients believe their doctors should do so. The study showed that three fourths of patients were unable to name anyone when asked to recall the name of the physician in charge of their care, causing additional frustration. The irony is, most patients get dozens of identification tags from the moment…
Wait until you’re on steadier ground, and then decide
Making major life decisions when you’re emotionally overwhelmed is a bad idea. That’s like going grocery shopping during a five day fast. All those strong emotions distort your perception of reality, activate the decision making process with little oversight by the logical part of your brain, and incite you to take action on the wrong grounds. You begin pumping a cocktail of stress hormones into your bloodstream, feeling helpless…
